


Gemini Syndrome

by LordSaucy



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Action, Action & Romance, Drama, F/M, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2017-10-21
Packaged: 2018-09-03 01:09:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 68,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8690656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordSaucy/pseuds/LordSaucy
Summary: Young Amelia Shepard is young and looking to have some fun. When a series of decisions leads her to trouble, a blue armored Turian steps in and she finds an unlikely partner.//Pre ME1, will eventually go into timeline events.///Trigger Warning for sexual assault: Chapter 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all! Thanks so much for stopping by to read! I'm really excited to take a crack at the Mass Effect universe with this one. I want the main focus of the story to be how various events would actually change the characters (didn't touch too much on that in the games), and of course I love the FemShep/Garrus pairing.
> 
> The first couple chapters need some going over, but I'll upload them now and fix the few grammatical, spelling continuity errors when I have more of an eye for it! 
> 
> Any and all constructive comment is appreciated!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “…How?” Her wet russet hair slapped lightly against her bare face. “Of course you know a guy. Wow you work fast.”  
>  “It’s a gift,” A small smile crept slowly across my face. My feet plinked across the hardwood as I made my way over to my friend. My knees sunk into the soft shag rug by the side of her bed. “It’s our last year before I get sucked back into the Alliance and you go to Med. School. I want to make the most of it, is that so wrong?”

"Flux, really Shepherd?" I rolled my eyes up in my head as I gently pulled on the skin underneath my eye and put the kohl liner to my waterline. "You've been here two days. TWO days!"

 

_Oh great. Here we go._ The kohl slid smoothly against the sensitive skin of my waterline. I made two passes before releasing hold of my under eye and repeating on the other side. "I've given you forty eight hours of peace, Des. Now it's time for some fun—you know, that thing you like to avoid?"

 

The springs of my childhood friend's bunk squeaked as she flopped down to my left. I could tell from the heat rolling off of her that I'd hit a nerve. "Fuck you, Shepherd." _Yup, I was right._ I checked out my makeup in the mirror. I never got much of a chance to wear makeup the way I wanted when I was still with my parents. My mother didn't think the way I chose to wear it was becoming for a Captain's daughter. _Too "gothic" my ass._

 

I thought it looked amazing on me. A black smoky eye, blended out perfectly into the pale peach of my skin, and a dark blue lip. I loved playing with contrast with my pallor vs my color palette for my makeup choices. Even with not being able to wear it around the Alliance dreadnought Fuji, I would practice every weekend and make sure I had it down, because one day—I knew I'd get off that ship.

 

A timid hand on my shoulder brought my attention to my left. Desi Hyre, my best friend since we were five, was silently pleading with me to not to hit up the new nightclub that had just opened on the Citadel. Her bright green eyes were glassy, like she was fighting back tears, and her wet burgundy hair hung about her face in thick strands. "Look dude, I know you're itching for some fun—I know your mom kept you on a tight leash and all, but going to a high profile night club on your second night staying here, the night before school—is NOT a good idea."

 

"Why not?" I stood and made my way across the small room to the floor length mirror on the opposite wall. I began the long process of detangling my long shoulder blade-length hair. It had finally dried, but I'd forgotten to take a comb to it before starting my makeup, and picking out an outfit for my then undiscovered plans for the evening. "Captain-Mom, and dad are out of the system, and your mom is super trusting. It's kind of cute. I'll just say I met some kids from the Academy and I'm trying to make friends."

 

"I don't want to lie to my mom, Amelia," Des' voice cracked. I could tell this was really upsetting her. I was kept on a short leash because of my mother's assignments, but Des kept herself on that leash so she wouldn't have any black marks when trying to get into medical school.

 

"Then I'll do it, we already know I have no conscience," I laughed.

 

"But what if we come home smelling like…like…booze n' shit," Her hands fluttered in the air as she tried to find her wording.

 

_Always flapping about like a mother hen when you're worried, eh, Des?_

 

"Ew," I wrinkled my nose in the mirror and and quirked a brow at her, "why would we smell like shit?"

 

"You _know_ what I mean, Amelia!" Desi groaned and got up to pace the small space. "I know my mom is more relaxed than yours, but that's because she trusts me! If it was an underage night maybe I'd be okay with it, but I'm….I'm not going."

 

I spun slowly and tilted my head as I regarded Desi with a mixture of pride and annoyance. On one hand she was sticking up for herself which had always been something she was usually too scared to to, but on the other-I wasn't looking forward to going out by myself and dancing alone. "So you're making your last stand over a club, where I know a guy who can get us in, and get us drinks without worrying about being carded, or anything? Do you really think we'd be the only ones in there under aged?"

 

"…How?" Her wet russet hair slapped lightly against her bare face. "Of course you know a guy. Wow you work fast."

 

"It's a gift," A small smile crept slowly across my face. My feet plinked across the hardwood as I made my way over to my friend. My knees sunk into the soft shag rug by the side of her bed. "It's our last year before I get sucked back into the Alliance and you go to Med. School. I want to make the most of it, is that so wrong?"

 

The mint of Desi's toothpaste blew gently against my face as she sighed at me. "But the way you're going, Amelia—we'll be grounded for all of it…I'm just not comfortable with it. I'm tired after all that shopping today, and I just…I'm not into it."

 

_Dancing alone it is._

 

"Oh Des," The soft material of her night shirt pressed against my chest as I hugged her. "I won't make you go—but I hope you won't get super pissy if I do. I promise I won't always do this, but I really want to go experience shit, you know?"

 

"I won't be mad, but I'm not lying to my mom for you." Desi smiled at me as she pulled away, "just be safe, dude." Her hands waved me off back to the mirror to finish getting ready.

 

I headed back to the mirror and looked myself over. Earlier in the day we had headed out shopping for school clothes. I had spent most of my time in a shop that specializes in old Earth fashions. I had chosen a white lace trimmed tank top, dark wash skinny jeans, and some loose ankle boots for my outfit for tonight. Old Earth fashions were making a comeback recently. Youthful, but doesn't scream "teenager".

 

_Now for the final touch._

 

Once my parents had agreed to let me stay with Desi and her mom for the year to get a real "high school experience" and the reality of time away had set in, dad had wanted to get me something so I would always feel close to them. I reached out and grabbed a small white box on the shelf next to the door. I opened it and stared at my new prized possession.

 

In the box was a sixteen inch sterling silver curb chain with a circular locket on it. The locket itself had our family crest etched into it, and once opened had a picture of mom on one side and dad on the other. It's normal for a teenager to complain about her parents but no matter how much things may have sucked living trapped by my mother's position-I love her and my father.

 

The clasp clicked softly as it closed around the latch. The necklace had a lovely weight to it, and the pendant rested comfortably between my clavicles. _Lookin' good, Shepherd,_ my midnight blue lips stretched into a wide smile. I spun to show off my outfit to Desi.

 

"Black bra under a white shirt? Slut." Desi laughed, a tinkling soft sound that was very similar to my mother's, though my mother wouldn't have laughed-she would have made me change.

 

"Oi, I ran out of creds for clothes, okay? I didn't really think through the 'need bras of multiple colors', thing." I joined in on her giggle fit for a moment before the door 'whooshed' open. I reached down to grab my dark blue leather moto jacket that I grabbed earlier in the say as well.

 

"What's so funny this late at night," Leah, Desi's mother's bemusement rang sharply in her voice.

 

_Crap_ , I grimaced as I pulled on the jacket. Desi's expression said it all-her mother had just walked in, and was none the wiser, and she already seemed ready to crack.

 

"Nothing," I turned to face Leah with a grin plastered to my face, "Des was just complimenting my outfit-got a bit giggily."

 

"Ahhh," Leah's arms folded under her bosom as she looked between myself and her daughter. "So is one of you over dressed, or under dressed?"

 

"I'm headed out-met some kids from the Academy while shopping today, and I wanted to get a head start on making friends," I reached over to the vanity and grabbed my credit chit and tucked it safely into my front left pocket along with my lipstick. "Des is super tired so she decided to stay home. I won't be out too late."

 

Leah's worn eyes looked between myself and her daughter, a few times. I kept my eyes on Des's mom, trying to keep up the 'everything's okay' facade-I wanted to keep my promise to Des so she didn't have to lie to her mom. After a moment Leah's eyes settled back on me and she smiled.

 

"I'm glad you're making friends already, Amelia. Just don't come back in the early hours of the morning, got it? You both have school tomorrow."

 

_Score._

 

"Got it, Mrs. Hyre."

 

I looked back at Desi and grinned, giving her the 'all okay'. "See ya later, girlie. I'll be quiet when I come back in."

 

"Okay, Amelia. Like I said, be safe."

 

"You worry too much, Des." Leah's expectant stare met me when I turned back around. "Thanks, Mrs. Hyre." She nodded in response and stepped to the side so I could make it out of the door. I walked down the hall and through the living room, past the Hyre's nice comfy furniture and out into the neon of the Upper Wards.

* * *

 

The line to get into Flux was at least fifty deep by the time I got there. It was still early, only about eight o'clock, but it seemed like everyone had the same idea I did—Turians, Salarians, Asari, Vorcha, Volus, Quarian and Human, all co-mixed in a giant line that spread out down and past the shops.

 

Aaryx, my contact I had met yesterday waved at me as I headed by toward the back of the line. He was cute—shaggy brown hair, and caramel eyes and super jacked. No wonder he was a bouncer. _Homeboy probably thinks he's getting some for getting me in,_ the right corner of my mouth turned up into a smirk as I headed past a group of giggling Quarians.

 

That would probably change when he realized that not only was I underage—but I was jailbait.

 

I finally got to the end of the line—right in front of Armax Arsenal sign for their new arena. The sign flashed that it was opening in early 2172. _Glorified laser tag is what that is,_ I rolled my eyes, and turned to face the front of the line.

 

As I turned a large group of Turians in full armor walked off from the right and right up to Aaryx. They spoke for a moment, and I could see Aaryx's face get a bit red. The Turian put a clawed hand on Aaryx's shoulder and patted it before heading past him with the others into Flux.

 

A chorus of 'awwwwww's and 'what the fuck's rippled down the line as the turians entered the club. The line was moving quickly, but it still held everyone up to have 10 turians hop the line.

 

_I guess you get some small perks when you give your life to your government_ , I rolled my eyes and checked my pocket to make sure my credit chit was still there. _That's where you'll be in one year, girl._ I sighed as I fiddled with the chit in my pocket.

 

It's not that I look down on the Alliance or anything-they have done great by my mother. She has put in the work and finally moved up the ranks to Captain the dreadnought Fuji. My father having been retired a few years now due to an injury is more than happy to be the happy husband and live on the dreadnought. I however have always wanted to get away from the Alliance for a while and be allowed to be my own person without having to worry about making my mother look bad.

 

Though outwardly I give the Alliance a lot of shit for being stodgy and uptight, secretly I'm pretty excited for my exam next year. I have been taught from a young age everything I would need to know to get whatever MOS I want. I want to go to the ICT program and eventually earn my N7 rank. I'm too much like my father-athletic, smart mouthed and crass to do what my mom does. As my father says, _'You and me kid-people like us are built to be in the shit.'_

 

A throat clearing from behind me snapped me out of my reverie. I turned and nodded up at the mildly annoyed Quarian male behind me and shuffled forward. The line was moving quicker now-I guess Aaryx wanted to quiet down the dissention in the line after what the squad of Turians pulled. After just a couple moments, the Salarian in front of me walked into Flux and I became first in line.

 

I looked up at Aaryx's face, and gave him a small smile. "Hey there, darlin'," his face lit up at the affectionate term. "You always this busy?" The corner of his eyes crinkled above his smile, he reached out and put a hand on my arm.

 

"Not for too much longer. Only got a couple more hours until my shift is over—after that, wanna grab a drink?" His voice wasn't as deep as I remembered from the day before, but it still had a decent weight to it. As creepy as it is there is something to be said about that old Earth theory that men look for partners with similar characteristics to their mothers, and women look for men who remind them about their fathers. Not to say I'm looking for a clone of my father—but I guess growing up a military brat and seeing the duality of badass soldiers going out and kicking ass, then coming home and melting at the sight of their loved ones does something to me that I just can't explain. There's just something about a deep bass voice whispering how much they missed you that just does it for me.

 

"Sure thing," I stepped up as he unhooked the velvet rope and gave him a wink as the doors to Flux opened.

 

"Good-I'll tell Bannaria to look out for you-she's the bartender, she'll take care of you." The genuine concern in his voice would have been more concerning if the blast of cold air from inside hadn't caught me off guard first.

 

The music inside was just quiet enough to not be deafening. It was contemporary and pounding-it had a good beat to it. Definitely good for dancing. The lights were all tinged green and blue, which made both my jacket and the Asari twirling about seem all the more vibrant.

 

_No better time than now for a drink_ , I grinned and headed for the bar. The bar area was crowded with all species jockeying for the bartender's attention. There had been some education on other species while in Alliance schooling-differences in gender, culture, and natural ways of communication as to not offend when you inevitably would have to deal with non-humans.

 

From the smaller chitnous plates and the lack of fringe on the back of the head, I could tell that Bannaria the bartender was female. She was just as tall as the pack of Turian soldiers skulking at a table near the perimeter of the bar, but thinner and more...soft in comparison?

 

I maneuvered my way between a Volus and an Asari and rested a hand on the edge of the overhang of the bar, and waited my turn. Bannaria was in the middle of pouring some dextro shots-ten of them. I watched as her claw tipped fingers spun the bottle between shots-making a show out of the monotonous task.

 

"Be with you in a minute, hun," my gaze snapped upward and I locked sight with her piercing yellow eyes. I nodded and shot her a smile, hoping to not offend by using a human custom and hopped up onto the stool next to where I stood.

 

"Take your time-I'll be here," I yelled over the music. She thrummed what I assumed was a laugh and spun the bottle back into its place behind the bar.

 

"Are you- _hsssst_ -almost- _hsssst-_ done?" I looked down to my right and right in front of Bannaria, right at an irate Volus. The squat creature turned to look at me and waved its hand dismissively before going back to Bannaria. "I've been waiting- _hssst_ -longer than she has- _hssst_."

 

"Alright, alright, don't puncture your suit, just let me run this real quick," Bannaria looked around for a server that obviously wasn't where they should be and shook her head.

 

"I'll do it," I hopped off my stool and maneuvered carefully around the Volus. "Aaryx said you'd look after me-might as well return the favor, right? It's just going over to those guys right?" I jerked a thumb behind me at the Turian soldiers.

 

"Oh you're Ryx's girl," Bannaria nodded, and then looked down at the Volus and her pupils dilated a bit as she went a bit rigid. "I'll make you something nice to return the favor. It'll be ready once I'm done with him."

 

The tray of shots was wide and well balanced as soon as the female Turian had it placed onto my open palm. Her mandibles flared a bit in what I could only assume was a smile and I spun in place and headed over to the group of boisterous soldiers.

 

As I got closer I heard what brought me immediately back to when my dad and his old squad mates would get together: war stories. The beats of suspense-the interjections of 'no _this_ is how it really happened', the pats on the back and the deep rumbles of laughter.

 

I approached the table in the middle of one of those thunderous group laughs. I stepped up between two of the Turians-one in black and red armor and another with true blue plates. The laughter stopped as I leaned down and carefully set the tray on the center of the table before carefully moving the shots in front of their prospective drinkers.

 

"I thought we were going to get the good looking one," the one in red groused. "I was hoping for a little action!"

 

_Oh really? This shit?_ Getting the stink eye from Turians was still fairly common from what I'd seen when I had been with my parents on shore leave in the past. The First Contact war was long gone but not forgotten. Some people, on either side, couldn't or in some cases wouldn't let shit go. I side eyed the Turian next to me and quirked a brow. "Random question, soldier?"

 

The throaty grumble from the one in red made my ribcage vibrate. "What is it, human?"

 

"How tall are you?" After placing the last shot in front of him I stood and looked down at him while I waited for my answer while giving the sweetest smile I could muster. Noidea how to flirt with a Turian, but to drive the deception home—might as well make an attempt.

 

"Oh hey Pabus, you've got an admirer!"

 

"She's so fleshy, though-"

 

"-How would you even?"

 

The chorus of 'atta boy's continued for a few more moments. Eventually I rolled my eyes and motioned for the one they called Pabus to respond. Turian facial expressions were probably as much of a mystery to me, as my actions were to them, but I could tell by his eyes that he was thinking—and I hoped to god it wasn't what I looked like naked.

 

"About six-foot-three?" The answer came out more as a question.

 

"Wow," his mandibles flared for a moment, and his chest jutted forward a bit, the others murmured as they waited for the conversation to continue.

 

"Why's that human? Looking for something a little different? Can't say I won't try anything once!" The others guffawed, all except for the one in blue-he seemed like he was waiting for something.

 

"Not really soldier," I smirked, "just didn't know you could stack shit that high." I made a show of giving him my best salute before walking back to the bar. The table behind me was dead silent save for one cackling laughter. I glanced over my shoulder to see nine pairs of piercing eyes all watching me. The last pair, belonging to the Turian in blue were closed in the throes of the deepest belly laugh I've ever seen or heard a turian make.

 

I was back to the bar as quick as I could without showing or feeling like I was running away, Bannaria tilted her head at me as I hopped back up and settled into my previously vacated stool and maneuvered the tray onto the bar top. The lights pulsed and the music throbbed and all I could think of was that I might have just started an inter-species incident.

 

"Problem, Little One?" She set a glass in front of me—it looked to be about eight ounces of a blue green concoction. She hunched down to scrutinize my expression, before peering over me at the table of Turians.

 

_Possibly…probably…fuck, Shepherd, what did you do?_ "Nope—nothing I can't handle." I grinned and took a sip of my drink. It was sweet—with the burning alcohol taste you can never quite get rid of. It was glorious. I felt bad lying to her—but I didn't know her or how her feelings on humans were outside her job. I just insulted a Turian soldier. Knowing that Turian's worth is based on what they do for their species makes him pretty damned important.

 

"If you're sure. Those types can be trouble. Fuckin' boys club—sure they let females in, but if you don't assimilate you're lesser," Bannaria groused. _Oh thank god._

 

"One of them was a bit bitter you didn't come over so he could hit on you—that's all. I'm not his type I guess," my shoulders rose and fell into an exaggerated shrug. "I ended up making him look like an ass."

 

Bannaria laughed loudly and clasped her talloned hands together in front of her. "Oh you're alright, little one. Thanks for making my night." A pause in the laughter made me look up from my blue-green haven. The female Turian had her head tilted as she looked over my shoulder. "He does look good in that uniform, though," she sighed.

 

"Then go say 'hi'," I grinned. "And tell him I sent you so he doesn't think I'm the world's _biggest_ asshole?" Bannaria looked across the bar, and then across the bar top. Most of the humans and aliens waiting for drinks had been served and had all gone off to dance. She nodded and her mandibles flared a bit.

 

"You got this, Bannaria—"

 

"You've earned the privilege of calling me Nari," her multi toned voice wrapped around me as she passed and rested a hand on my shoulder. The points of her talons poked gently into my jacket as she gave my shoulder a squeeze.

 

"Sweet, Nari. Now quit stalling." I tilted my head back and slammed the rest of my drink. "Don't think too much, I know I won't be."

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That'd always been a thing with me-blue. I don't know when I started picking it out, but good things always tended to happen close to someone or something with the color blue near or attached to it. Despite the ingrained words of my father telling me to be wary of Humans and their nature, I immediately liked this waitress girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to switch POV between Garrus and Shepard every chapter or so--or at least when I feel like a specific POV would be more beneficial to the story. This is the first Garrus chapter. He's a different character for me to write--but I'll get into it quickly. 
> 
> Thanks again for reading! :)

"Hurry up, Vakarian, shore leave isn't waiting for you to get pretty! We'd be here for years!" Kaetus Ebonus laughed as I finished strapping my breastplate on. The familiar click of the metal findings signaled the final touch of my full suit for tonight's outing.

It was our squad leader Nihulus' treat for kicking our asses on our last two assignments. One week shore leave with the first night being an all-expenses paid trip to Flux on him.

The others cheered when he'd told us. We'd been consistently in the shit at request of Turian High Command, writing wrongs and kicking ass for the last eight months. We jumped from fox hole to fox hole, planet to planet with no end in sight for two hundred and sixty-five days.

On day two sixty-nine, Nihilus walked over to us in the mess. This was rare. We had just finished maneuvers on Palaven for the Primarch and were expecting our next assignment when we got to formation in an hour. Nihlus Kryik's presence at the table was an anomaly-so when we saw his black and maroon armor approaching, a low rumble moved over the table.

"Gentlemen, ready for your next assignment?" Nihilus' punctuated his question with his trademark sloppy 'grin'. "It'll be a rough one. Wanted to let you all know as soon as possible so it has time to sink in."

"Told you he's trying to kill us," Paulter Caepmius, Nihilus' second in command muttered.

"Not trying to kill you, Caepmius, or any of you for that matter. No...Just got done speaking with Primarch Fedorian." We all perked up at the sound of the Primarch. New orders and a meeting with the Primarch? Whatever was coming would be a good assignment-tough, but good. "He reiterated how proud he is of you men. A squad of specialists so fresh to the grind with such a success rate is rare."

My chest swelled with pride. High praise from the Primarch is not given freely. My squad is now not only the youngest specialist group to be given the honors of doing maneuvers for the Primarch, but also being given a special assignment?

One look around the table showed I wasn't alone with my feelings. We were all sat up straighter, and our heads held higher.

"Primarch Fedorian agreed that you all have been busy the last year. Good work all around. We both decided that to keep you fresh, we're assigning you some R&R."

Cheers rose from across the table. R&R usually wasn't thought of until your two year mark. We had only been in for a year and a half at this point-straight from specialist school right into active fire. I didn't think our first chance for some time off would be for another six months.

"One week on the Citadel, and your first night at Flux-drinks are on me." The cheers rose higher to a roar of jubilation.

"Vakarian, come on!" Paulter called from the door of Kaetus' and my's room, snapping em out of my memory.

"Yeah," Pabus himed from just out of eyeshot. "Heard there's a hottie of a bartender. I want to get more than free drinks if you know what I mean."

_Ugh, fucking slime._

I hated Pabus. I thanked the Goddess every day that he wasn't my battle buddy. Unfortunately Paulter got stuck with that 'honor'.

There is always someone like Pabus that you know if you're in the military. _Too_ buddy-buddy. _Too_ gung-ho, too...everything. He grates on all your nerves until you either settle it in the spar ring, or bite your tongue off trying not to lose your shit.

Mostly, Pabus was just crass. He treated females like objects, usually to their faces. Unless they outranked him-then he waited.

His most 'famous' line: "If I can't fight it or fuck it, I don't care."

Our...differences on almost everything have caused many a trip to the spar ring.

"Good one Surdas," I rolled my eyes at Kaetus as we headed out the door and towards our night of free booze.

* * *

"-That 'Maw nearly cut you in half Albadas. If you hadn't been thinking about your sweet piece back on Palaven, you wouldn't have gotten that scar!"

"Fuck you, Surdas. My lady digs scars!"

"Maybe," Pabus cackled, "but that doesn't explain why she's with your ugly ass!"

Shards from the shot glass Amtus Albadas winged at Pabus bounced off my armor. I turned my head slowly to stare down my Turian brother in his russet armor.

"Friendly fire, Amtus?" My drawl barely audible over the din of the club.

"Collateral damage," he shot back with a snicker.

"Don't be a baby, One Eye," Pabus clapped a hand on my shoulder. My plates crawled beneath my armor at both his touch and his use of my most hated nickname.

Everyone in my unit had their own specialty. My battle buddy Kaetus and I were snipers. Usually, I spotted for him and kept enemies off him while he worked. Kaetus could hit a target better than I could, but for the life of him, unless I picked it out for him he couldn't find _what_ to hit. Instead of Nihilus drumming Kaetus out or assigning him to a different specialty, he paired us and requisitioned me a modified Kuwashii visor for my spotting marks for Kaetus. The more I practiced with the visor the better I have become with my distance and accuracy with my own shots, but Kaetus can do it all on his own, which Nihilus thought should be honed.

That's probably part of the reason I get so much shit from the others, aside from the fact I'm not as boisterous as they are. I don't 'produce' as much as they do. They call me Bird Watcher or One Eye due to my visor-and because my kills aren't as high as some, they are under the impression I'm hanging onto Kaetus.

Kaetus doesn't think so-which, thank the Goddess for that. He's always backed my play, and has defended me to the others countless times-almost as many times as I've saved his ass.

"Shut your torpedo holster, Pabus," Kaetus growled from across the table.

Pabus shot an obvious glance of irritation at Paulter and turned to continue ogling the bartender.

The squad had all caught a look on the way past earlier, sure. Turian females were somewhat common in the military, but our squad usually worked alone, so we were left high and dry for the most part. However, the stare Pabus was directing at her had more rads than the surface of Palaven.

She had noticed him, too-but of course he was too busy watching her to notice her watching him.

_Eh, he'll figure it out...or not._

My other squadmates were in the middle of retelling our Varren encounter on Vard again. "Remember when the big fucker ran off with Phorius' gun?"

_This story, again?_

I let the din of the club music and the voices of my squad mades drift into the background of my consciousness. The smooth silver table in front of me was littered with the two previous rounds we'd called for. The neon of the club bent submissively to the curvature of the glass casting little spots and beams all around us.

Further outside our group were throngs of all species. Quarians in their patterned bodysuits mixing it up with Humans, dressed to the nines in whatever they thought would impress. Fellow Turians in their nicest casual wear, dotted the group on the dance floor, along with Salarians drinking to overcome their generally meek nature. Scattered Vorcha that weren't too feral to get in and Volus made up the last few in the club.

_And here you are re-counting stories you've lived and heard twenty times over while everyone else is meeting new people and having fun_. _Shit_.

Thoughts like that brought to light that I wasn't nearly inebriated enough to enjoy myself. Yet. Still, I loved my squad. Even Pabus was a brother. I would die to save any one of them. _Well...maybe not Pabus..._ but by the Goddess if I didn't want some time alone without re-hearing how Phorius was mugged by Varren, or how Amtus got his signature scar. Mostly, I wanted to be able to get properly hammered without having to make sure my less reserved brothers didn't fuck up shore leave on our first night.

A new presence to my left caught my attention as did the sudden hush over the table.

Instead of the female Turian I expected I was met with a curtain of long dark Human...fringe?

The Human girl smelled of soap and very faintly of cigarettes. She was tiny compared to most Humans I'd dealt with in the past. She had to be at least seven inches shorter than me. It always boggled my mind how other races dealt with such a height difference.

The sound of the shot glasses being gingerly placed in front of all of us was drowned out by the migraine inducing beat surrounding us, but the way she used her arm to guide her hand and the lack of ripples in the shots showed great care. Her wrist peeked occasionally from beneath the shiny dark of her jacket-I couldn't tell if it was actually blue of if the lights were playing tricks on me.

That'd always been a thing with me-blue. I don't know when I started picking it out, but good things always tended to happen close to someone or something with the color blue near or attached to it. Despite the ingrained words of my father telling me to be wary of Humans and their nature, I immediately liked this waitress girl.

"I thought we were going to get the good looking one," Pabus whined loudly. "I was hoping for a little action." Pabus' shoulders jerked like he had elbowed Maxilus in the ribs in an 'am-I-right' type of gesture.

_This shit again? Fucking asshole._

I noticed a slight pause in the Human's movements. There was no way she missed Pabus' remark. It was obvious to the few uncomfortable shifts among my brothers that we all knew he had meant for it to hurt her-and sting.

The Surdas clan had several members die in the Relay 314 incident and following war. None of them had ever really come to terms with Humans being on the galactic stage.

"Random, question, Soldier?" Her voice was deep for a female human-not masculine at all, but it had a resonance to it. It sounded older than she looked and though I suspected the line of questioning wasn't going to go a place Pabus would appreciate, there was still a twinge of reverence in her voice when she said 'soldier'.

Of course since she dared to speak to him, Pabus' annoyance only grew. He sighed deeply. "What is it, Human?"

The girl was still carefully setting shot glasses in front of us as she seemed to weigh her options of response. "How tall are you?" She placed the last glass before Pabus and stood, delicately tucking the tray she was carrying under her arm, as if to shield her fleshy center from him.

"Oh hey, Pabus! You've got an admirer!" Fautias crowed.

"She's so fleshy though-" Maxilus started.

"-How would you even?" Kaetus finished Maxilus' question.

I sat there in silence as the confusion on how the fictional pairing of the girl and Pabus would work with our biology vs the Human's rippled through the squad and watched her. She didn't bat an eye at the nine of us, her attention locked on Pabus. Her eyes rolled off to the side in annoyance in his lack of response, and she made a sweeping gesture with her right hand to prod him to continue.

For Pabus' part, knowing how he sees females-right now his mind was locked in trying to weigh the pros and cons of consummating with a Human. Sure his family would be furious-but boy would he a have a story to tell. "About six-foot-three?"

"Wow," The corner of the girls dark blue painted lips that I could see crept up a bit.

Pabus made a rumble of pride. He straightened up to make himself taller-it was the same effect Nihlus had on Pabus when he hit his mark with barely taking time to aim. "Why's that human? Looking to try something a little different? Can't say I won't try anything once!"

My brothers bellowed at the comment. The girl for her part just continued to smile at Pabus, she didn't even shift, or move to look at the others-it was the most polite stare down I'd ever seen. I sat there quietly, waiting for the inevitable punch line and wondering how my brothers had missed the setup.

"Not really, Soldier." I smirked. _This is it._ "Just didn't know you could stack shit that high." The girl clacked her heels together, and brought her free arm up into a very accurate, sharp Alliance salute, spun in place and walked off-no, not walked, sauntered. No matter what species all females had this strut they did when they felt accomplished.

The stunned silence from my squad who were staring after the girl, and the look of utter dejection on Pabus' face made me lose grip on the silence I'd been clinging to for the evening. It started as a low under my breath chuckle, and within a few moments I was full swing into the most violent laughing fit I'd had since my mother first discovered I was ticklish as a child.

It took a solid fifty seconds for any action to happen. The sharp crack of Pabus' fist against my shoulder pauldron was the first, after that both Maxilus, and Kaetus stood to stop any ensuing fight. I just kept laughing-I hadn't laughed his hard in so long.

"Fuck _off_ , Vakarian! Bitch ain't that funny!"

It took me a few more seconds but I finally gathered myself enough to speak:

"No, but a pouting six-three pile of shit, is an amazing image!"

The others laughed, sharing in on my mental picture. Pabus just reached out, retrieved his shot, and knocked it back.

"Great idea, Surdas!" Paulter cheered, trying to stave off any tension and we all reached out for our respective glasses. Pabus nodded and leaned back in his chair trying to look cool-but I could tell from the slight off-beat rapid vibration close to my foot that he was still upset. He always bounced his knee when he was upset.

As surreptitiously as I could I checked out the scene at the bar. The Human girl was speaking to the female Turian who for her part kept looking over directly at Pabus. I half listened to my squad continuing to rib Pabus for being shot down by a Human, while I watched the scene.

The girl was taking rigid, mechanical drinks of a pleasant looking blue-green liquid. She was stalk straight, and her left knee was bouncing rhythmically up and down from its perch on the stool brace. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Pabus doing the same.

_Guess we're not so different?_

The Turian female was laughing one moment and then reaching out and put a hand on the girl's shoulder the next. They were having a conspiratorial exchange from the look on the female's face-so far, no sign Pabus' rudeness got us kicked out of the club.

Movement from the bartender made me turn back to the group, and Kaetus leaned over closer to my ear so he could speak softer.

"What's up, Vakarian."

"Bartender's walking over," I glanced at Pabus who twitched at the word bartender. "She was talking with the Human girl and she just came around-"

"Hello, boys," a multi-toned musical voice flittered over the music and surrounded the table. Conversation stopped and everyone's full attention was on the brown plated turian female. Her red clan markings were fresh, and sharp. "I'm Bannaria, hope you like the drinks?" We all nodded at her and small offerings of appreciation were thrown her way.

Bannaria had taken up residence behind Pabus' chair. The look of discomfort about this situation was nearly enough to send me back into another laughing fit, but I didn't want the female to feel insulted in any way.

The female Turian leaned down so her mouth was close to Pabus' ear.

"My friend said you were upset I didn't come by sooner." Her voice coalesced into a purr.

"Did she now," Pabus turned his face to hers slightly-a slight drawl to his tone.

"Mmmmhmmm, she said I should apologize and ask you to dance."

I averted my gaze from the growingly intimate scene. No one likes to think of their squad mates getting set up to fuck.

"Let's go dance then," Pabus stood and reached out a hand for hers as he turned. The female giggled, nodded to the rest of us and walked Pabus to the dance floor.

As soon as she was out of earshot, Paulter leaned forward, "Hey, Vakarian, Ebonus, can I bunk on the floor in your guys' room in the slim chance he doesn't scare her away?"

"Sure thing," Kaetus replied. I nodded in agreement and scanned the room for the girl who was now missing from the bar.

"She's Human, dude," Kaetus nudged my attention back to the table.

"I know that. Is it wrong to be curious?"

"Curious about what?" Kaetus' tone was brimming with doubt. He didn't hate Humans, but he came from a very traditional clan.

"Where did she get the courage to come up to a squad of Turian soldiers and blatantly insult one-with a smile? That and the salute-she must come from a military family. She might be someone I can talk to you know? She might get it." I didn't realize the feeling I had until I verbalized it.

Sure-I had my brothers to talk to, I had friends back on Palaven, and I had my father who would understand. However, they weren't here, and I was a little waterlogged on time with my squad. I wanted to converse about my experiences, to someone who hadn't heard it already and interject with what _they_ would have done. At the very least, I believed she'd be a sympathetic ear.

"And? She's Human, Garrus."

"How does her being Human mean I can't have a conversation?"

"Well," Kaetus was looking past me toward one of the padded booths along the opposite side of the dance floor. "For one, she's already having one with someone else."

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s amazing the power a single finger has on you when it’s curved into the side of your chin. He leaned forward while continuing to guide my chin, and he pressed his mouth to mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Back again with chapter three (I know these are posting in quick succession--trying to bring this up to date with the posting elsewhere).  
> This chapter, has a tentative Trigger Warning for sexual assault--it doesn't go *too* far, but its enough that just in case I want to make everyone aware before starting so there's no surprises.
> 
> We're back to Amelia on this one! Enjoy!

* * *

 

 

The bar stool swiveled smoothly as I turned to head off to the dance floor. The room kept spinning--an obvious symptom of the harsh drink Nari had made me was already in full effect.

 

_I really shouldn’t have pounded that._ My brain struggled to right myself, but luckily a strong hand stopped my momentum before I hit a forty-five degree angle.

  


“Woah there, Amelia--you started the party without me?” Aaryx’s scruff tickled my ear as he pulled be back upright. My stomach sloshed as I giggled.

  


“Nari musta mixed me somethin’ strong,” my speech was already slurring. “I helped her out a bit when she was busy...did I tell you I don’t drink much? I did didn’t I?” My hand firmly gripped his boulderous bicep to better keep my purchase on solid ground.

  


He laughed and slid an arm under my jacket and around my waist, his fingers dragging slowly across the ribbed fabric of my white cotton tank top. “No, actually you didn’t. But that’s fine. I have a flask--seems Bannaria’s busy anyway.”

  


My neck craned past him to see Nari and that jerk Turian laughing on the dance floor.

  


_I hope she knows what she’s getting into_.

  


“So whaddaya wanna do?” I squeezed his arm to bring his attention back to me. The alcohol was making me bolder than I would normally be, but I still felt enough in control to handle what was going on--as long as it didn’t involve movement. I was ninety percent sure we were standing still, but the room was still swaying.

  


Aaryx laughed, and the four out of however many abs he had straining against his shirt flexed. “Let’s go sit down before you break something. C’mon. It’ll be quieter in the booths.” He rotated himself around me keeping a hold of my waist and guided me in the direction of the booths along the far side of the level furthest from the dance floor.

  


He was right--it was quieter over here, the entire room was open, but it wouldn’t surprise me with the amount of money poured into this club for them to have some sort of dampeners to make way for better conversation.

  


The seats were soft white distressed leather. Aaryx poured me onto the edge of the seat and motioned for me to scoot toward the back of the half moon table. After I had scooted enough for him to have room he slid in after, pulling out a the flask he spoke of earlier and took a long draw from it. I scooted a bit further to give myself a bit more space to think before I made any further decisions.

  


“Thought you weren’t going to be done for a few hours,” my head tilted slightly. It couldn’t have been more than thirty minutes since I walked in here, and he had said something about not being in here for at least two hours, hadn’t he?

  


Aaryx nodded, his mouth still full of liquor. He held up a finger for me to give him a moment to respond.

  


It gave me a bit more time to look over my date. Everything about him was huge. His biceps were the size of one-and-a-half of my thighs, and his hands neared dinner plate proportions. He was handsome in an Old Earth lumberjack kind of way. He had that shaggy unshaven, bed head look about him. His simple black t-shirt left little in the way of imagination. Dude nearly had an eight pack.

  


I had met him near that Old Earth fashion store--he was coming out as I was going in. I had left Desi in the shop across the street. She preferred the more current high collared shirts they were selling in the contemporary stores. I saw his lanyard with the Flux branding on it and started a conversation. I’d already had it in my head I wanted to go out and have some fun before school would start--but didn’t have a concrete plan until Aaryx took well to my questions.

 

If my dad saw him he would hate him. Pops fully expects me to join the Alliance at the end of the school year, and knows that one day I’ll be able to take care of myself no matter what the situation, but as of now--I’m still just his baby girl. Aaryx, as much as I saw him as an overgrown puppy, was also the epitome of a father’s worst nightmare for his daughter.

  


A loud sound of disgust brought my attention back to the present. Aaryx’s face was skewed as he fought off the burning bitter aftertaste of whatever alcohol he had swallowed. The corner of my lip twitched down for a moment. My father always said that a man who complains after a shot isn’t really a man.

  


“Sorry, What’d you ask again?”

  


_Christ._

  


“I thought you weren’t getting off for a couple hours? What changed?”

  


Aaryx grinned and reached out a dinner plate hand which easily covered both of mine. “I called in a favor with the other doorman. He needed a few more hours, and I had to get to you.”

  


“Oh.” My liquor soaked brain was having trouble being witty. _Fucking hell I’m a lightweight!_

  


The mountain of a man next to me scooted a bit closer and moved his closer arm behind me to pull me into him. Unnecessary, and uncomfortable. _Welp, there goes my breathing room._ “So how’d you help out Nari?”

  


“I took some shots to the Turians over there,” I glanced over at the their table and caught the one in azure armor turning back around. “One of them was a jerk--but I set him straight! Then, I slammed that drink Nari made. Then you showed up.”

  


_Verbal diarrhea? Smooth, Shepard. Way to go_.

  


My ribs felt damn near close to cracking with the vice grip he had on me while he let out a loud guffaw at my apparent inability to not say every little goddamn thing that happened this evening. The worst part is that I know I’m acting like an asshole--but any knowledge of my being an asshole dissipates whenever I speak, and I just perpetuate my being an asshole.

  


“Well I’m glad I did. Only one drink and you nearly fell on your ass? Most people our age are a bit better at holding their liquor, even if they don’t drink often.” His calloused thumb stroked the back of my right hand heavily--it pulled and it itched.

  


“I usually only drink on holidays with my parents,” I half lied. It was true I had had alcohol before on Thanksgiving or Christmas, maybe Easter. That, however was only a glass of wine with dinner.

  


“Wow--a twenty-year-old who only drinks with her parents,” Aaryx let out another belly laugh, constricting my ribs yet again. When he was done, he continued: “It’s probably cause you’re tiny...I mean no offense, I love the packaging, but no tolerance, weighing one-thirty soaking wet and only drinking with your parents doesn’t leave you any room to fuck around when you drink, does it?”

  


_Lets see...you described my body as packaging, you guessed my weight, and you can’t get over the fact that I have wine with my folks. Three strikes, buddy._

  


“No, guess not,” It was time to make a quick exit. I didn’t want any more to do with this guy. I’d been getting the itch in the back of my head since we slid into the booth. He was too friendly, too close, too...everything.

  


_Seriously regretting slamming that drink. Time for evasive measures._

  


“Well when you’re seventeen and have grown up on an Alliance vessel that’s really all ya got,” I moved my shoulders up into an exaggerated shrug, trying to play off of my body’s liquor-soaked betrayal.

  


“WOAH,” my whole body contracted as he yelled in my ear, “you’re only seventeen? Shit, Amelia, you could’ve told me!” He took his huge hand off mine and undid the lid of his flask to take another long drink.

  


“Sorry, Ryx. I know I shoulda said something, I just didn’t think things would get this...serious…” My eyes lowered to check his hand around my waist. The heel of his hand was at my side, and the tip of his middle finger as just at my belly button, perfectly wrapped around as to leave no space for movement. _Fuck_.

  


After another sound of disgust, I felt the spray of tiny drops of booze on my face as he clumsily wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. _Fucking gross._

  


“Heh, It’s alright, Lia,” my brow quirked at the nickname. _Where did that come from? Also, I’m trying to let you down easy, meathead! Take a fuckin’ hint!_

  


“No, it’s not. I feel bad I lied. I don’t like leading with my age, but you had a right to know. So I just wanted to say I’m sorry.” My gaze was still cast down at my midsection, which I guess he took as a sign of heavy remorse. Mostly, my head was just feeling super heavy.

  


A calloused index finger hooked around my chin to bring my attention back towards his scruffy countenance. His heavy dark brown giraffe lashes tried to conceal his coffee-colored eyes. The left side of his thin lips curved up into a smirk. “Don’t be sorry, just make it up to me.”

  


_Oh no_.

  


It’s amazing the power a single finger has on you when it’s curved into the side of your chin. He leaned forward while continuing to guide my chin, and he pressed his mouth to mine.

  


His lips were more calloused and cracked than his hands, and he was moving them against my softer set _hard._ I still hadn’t had the time to react, and to be honest, I didn’t know what to do, I honestly didn’t see my night with Aaryx getting this far, so I hadn’t thought a game plan of ‘what-to-do-when-your-club-contact-kisses-you-without-warning-against-your-wishes’.

  


After a few seconds my body caught up to my brain. I quickly and as deftly as I could brought my right hand up to his pectoral and pushed back. Nothing. _Okay._ I changed game plans and tried to move my head back and away from his hungry mouth, only to feel him move forward chasing after me--I stopped moving back at that point. Any further and I’d lose my balance--and last thing I wanted was for him to get on top of me.

_Oh god,_ my stomach turned. It hadn’t hit me until now that I was dangerously close to a situation I never thought I’d see myself in. _Shepherd, what did you do?_

  


I slapped my palm against his pecs as hard as I could--the moving against my mouth stopped. He leaned back to reveal dark hungry eyes that made the rest of his face look more like a rabid dog than a gangly puppy. “What?” His tone was harsh and grating, “I thought you said you were sorry?”

  


“I-I am,” I removed my hand quickly and fumbled my way down to his hand at my waist, and did my best to pry his fingers off. “I just, I dunno, Aaryx. I just met you, I’m not ready for...that, and I just, I’m feeling gross and want to go home.”

  


A wave of heat washed off of Aaryx after I said the word ‘home’. “You mean to tell me that I get you in, have _my_ friend take care of you--I lose out on pay just to come see you, and you’re not even going to _thank_ me for everything I’ve done?”

  


My chin scrunched reflexively as I fought the urge to cry. “Aaryx--you’re scaring me.”

  


“Tough fuckin’ shit, cunt! You owe me,” he reached out one of his mitt like hands and grabbed the back of my head. “One way or another you’ll be on your knees--puking in the alley before or after you choke on my dick.”

  


_Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god._ My mouth went dry. If I hadn’t been already close to collapse from just the alcohol in my system this would have done it. If I screamed, I wasn’t sure anyone would be able to tell it was in terror over the sound in the rest of the club--it was still early, so unless anyone had occupied a nearby booth since we’d sat down we were the only ones over here.

  


“P-please don’t--” I stammered quietly. My stomach heaved and I lurched forward. But Aaryx was quicker and stronger than I was. Before any of my dinner could make it onto the table and down his front he pushed me parallel to the booth’s seat and I threw up under the table.

  


Unfortunately I’d always been a quiet barfer. The only sound other than the creak of the leather was the ‘slosh’ of bile, burger, and booze hitting the floor. _How do I get out of this?_ My mind was racing with possible escape plans, but even those would be dicey with myself being sober.

  


I’d barely finished emptying my stomach when I was jerked up by my forearm, in a much more violent reverse of him catching me just a little while before. “Come on, we’re heading out.” I helplessly watched as he scanned Flux’s lower level for an exit. Out the front would have too many people, I prayed that was our only option, but it was already nearing nine o'clock, and that's when C-Sec bumped up their patrols outside.

  


Now that I had thrown up a portion of the alcohol in my system my head was a bit clearer thanks to both that and the adrenaline coursing through my system. I had to do something to at least try and get out of this. Sure, none of my options were good, but I could at least say I tried.

  


Aaryx scanned the building, and I took my chance. I pushed his hand off me using his wrist as an anchor point. He made a gasp of shock as I sprang up onto one knee and used both my arms and my torso to slam his face onto the half circle table in front of him. The crack of his nose almost echoed in the small cavern the booth was seated in followed by a gravelly groan of pain.

  


_Oh god._

  


That was way too much movement for me, I couldn’t keep force on him. Sure the vomit explosion under the table had cleared my head enough to act, but it made me physically weak.

  


I pulled up my loose leg and used it to launch myself behind his back and away from the booth. The pumping AC and the music came back to the foreground as I soared through the air.

  


_Too much_ …

  


I was starting to get fuzzy. As soon as I jumped off, a vignette of blackness was creeping into my vision. Time slowed down as the darkness crept in. I saw three Turians moving toward me in quick succession.

  


First was Nari, who I believe was screaming the galaxy’s finest stream of expletives as she raced toward me. Second, was the jerk Turian, who was trying to keep up with his rogue dance partner, hand reaching for a pistol that wasn’t attached to his belt. Lastly was a wall of black and blue armor. I braced for the coldness and impact of metal but it never came--instead a swirl and change of momentum.

  


I so desperately wanted to sleep, but I forced my eyes open one last time.

  


“Human?” The multi-toned thrum of the most pleasantly deep voice enveloped my ears. “Girl, are you hurt?”

  


Too tired to speak I shook my head and closed my eyes letting unconsciousness take me far from this place of fear and dread, back to the room of my oldest friend, whom I should have been with all along.

  


* * *

 

“Don’t move, Little One,” Nari’s sweet voice was the first thing I noticed besides the pleasant warmth around my body. Despite the warning I stretched my limbs out and realized I was swaddled and on my side.

  


“...The fuck…”

  


“Oh good! She’s alive!” _Wait._ I forced an eye open. I was in an unfamiliar room--a hotel room. I frowned at the figure past lamp that was perpendicular to my form on the bedside table. The jerk Turian. “Can we get her out of here now--we already ducked C-Sec, I don’t want Nihlus to show up and start asking why we have an underage Human swaddled in your room, Vakarian!”

  


A lion-esque roar came from the end of the bed. I twitched in my cocoon and jerked my head down to see the black and blue Turian from earlier--the laughing one. _Well he ain’t laughing now._ His visage was nearly feral as he stared down the jerk Turian with his piercing ice colored eyes.

  


“Both of you hush,” Nari raised a hand in a ‘hold on’ gesture. _Just like…_

  


“Oh fuck,” I closed my eyes tightly to keep the tears from creeping out. The entire night’s events came flooding back to me like a vid on fast forward. I’d been assaulted--nearly raped. “Where’s Aaryx?”

  


“Huerta Memorial,” the jerk Turian sounded pleased. “Once we got Nari off him we all took a turn teaching some manners.” The plates on his knuckles gleamed as he cracked them for emphasis.

  


“We all?” I looked between the red and blue armored Turians. “Where was I?”

  


“Garrus had you--he didn’t...participate. He was trying to keep you awake until we could get help. He didn’t know what’d happened. The others..uhh...made Aaryx talk so we could figure out how to help you.”

  


“You’re only seventeen, little one?” The tip of one of Nari’s talons brushed an obtrusive piece of hair from my vision. “I knew you weren’t of age, but damn. You didn’t take anything other than that drink I made, did you?”

  


My brain pounded as I shook my head. The same swatch of hair fell back into my face and tickled my nose. “No. I just...I don’t drink often. Usually just a glass on special occasions. I wasn’t supposed to be alone. My friend Des was supposed to come with, but she backed out last minute. I’m sorry…”

  


“Why are you apologizing to us?” The jerk Turian snapped. “You’re just a kid you don’t know any better. No matter how much of a cluster fuck your night ended up being, you didn’t deserve what that asshole was trying to do.”

  


“Growth, Surdas, I like it,” an unfamiliar voice floated in from the door. An insurmountably tall Turian in black casual wear loomed in the doorway just behind the jerk, who snapped to attention so fast I got nearly got whiplash from watching him. The mattress shifted as the blue Turian rose calmly to stand in an identical form. “Who do we have here?”

  


Nari rose and turned to face an identically chestnut colored Turian. The bold white markings on his face were perfectly symmetrical, and I couldn’t help but think of the tigers I saw back on Earth when I was a child. Nari nodded her head in acknowledgment at him and reached out a hand for him to shake. “Bannaria Straril.”

  


The new Turian crossed the space between him in Nari in a couple large strides and took her hand firmly. “Nihlus Kryik.” His bright green eyes focused down on me lying helpless trapped by what seemed to be all of the blankets in the wards. “And you?”

  


“Amelia Shepard, sir.” my elbow strained against my fluffy prison as my manners dictated I always show manners to an official. No dice. I was stuck.

  


“Vakarian,” Nihlus’ hawk eyes flitted to the blue Turian. “Why do you have a teenage Human wrapped up in your bunk?”

  


“The girl was attacked in Flux, sir,” his voice was deep and kind. “She was inebriated and another Human was taking advantage. The girl managed to escape before she passed out. I ran her identification card--her mother is a high official in the Human Alliance. We didn’t want to cause any further incident so we brought her here. Human first aid protocols dictate that she needed to be wrapped and on her side as to not aspirate, sir.” The blue armored Turian glanced down at me for a moment then back to his commanding officer.

  


“What of the Human offender?”

  


“Huerta Memorial, sir. The others got his side of the story while Bannaria and Vakarian brought the girl here. After his confession, we handed him off to C-Sec. Told them the girl had run off,” the jerk Turian cut in. “The offender sustained injuries both from the Human girl and from us while he was...debriefed.”

  


Nihlus’ head bobbed a few times as he listened to his men’s story. My eyes danced between the three male Turians while silence enveloped the room. The entire time they’d been talking I had been wiggling my right arm to get enough room to try to free myself, and I had almost worked it out of my bindings. The blankets slacked as my wrist slid free, now seeking out the edge of the blanket to get out of my steaming cocoon.

  


My fingers quickly found the signature double stitch of the blanket’s edge and I pulled, and rolled a bit widening my legs a bit to loosen the rest of the layers. My now free left hand helped the right push down the blankets. Just from my view as I unwrapped myself, my body heat trapped in the scratchy wool of my covering had created somewhat of a steam box effect. My white beater clung to my thin frame, and my sweat that logged it immediately chilled at the sudden exposure to the room’s temperature. Not only that, but my bra which was somewhat visible before, now was clearly outlined under the translucent material.

  


“You said Amelia’s mother is of high rank?” Nihlus’ words pierced the silence in the room.

  


“Yes, sir. She captains an Alliance dreadnought. The Fuji if I remember correctly. Just left to start her command a few days ago. I felt that leaving her there for C-Sec would have hurt both the girl and her mother more than it would have helped.”

  


“So you took decisive action to hinder a C-Sec investigation?”

  


“Yes, sir.” My gaze fell to my hands. These Turians didn't know me at all and they had gone out of their way and broken laws to get me here, and to keep my mother from having to deal with a scandal. Tears pricked in the corner of my eyes momentarily as I became overcome with gratitude and the lingering emotion from earlier.

  


“If it helps, sir, I take full responsibility.” The blue armored Turian was almost statue like in his attention. Only his mouth moved as he addressed his CO, everything else could have been a picture.

  


“Duly noted, Vakarian.” Nihlus’ mandible fluttered a bit. Whatever that meant, the Turian called Vakarian relaxed. “Now, Ms. Shepard,” I turned my attentions back to the imposing figure, and his nearly glowing green eyes. “How are you, now?”

  


_How_ am _I?_ I took quick stock of myself before I answered. Still drunk obviously. Everything had a slight lean to it, and my stomach still felt unsettled. My head was pounding in an aching rhythm, and I was freezing. “Pretty drunk, but not as bad as I was earlier. I think I need coffee.” What I didn't voice was the pit in my stomach that grew when I felt Aaryx's lips on mine at random, and how the thought of servicing him in a back alley in the Wards cropped up at random.

  


Nihlus laughed and nodded. “Very well, Ms. Shepard, it's getting late and if I’m not wrong the Academy starts tomorrow, right?”

  


I nodded meekly and looked down at my hands. _Not only were you in the center of a scandal, but you willingly set yourself up for it. Good going, Shepard._

  


“We better get you home then. Vakarian, help Ms. Shepard home and get her a coffee. I’m sure we shouldn't deliver her home in this state.” Heat rose in my cheeks and spread to my ears. I felt like Nihlus was channeling my father. He turned and made for the door, mimicking his entrance into the room.

  


“Aye aye , sir.” Vakarian deep voice resonated pleasantly from the foot of the bed.

  


“Thank you for your help, Ms. Straril.” Nihlus’ parting words floated in from down the hall.

  


“Sweet! Now get the Human the fuck outta here before anyone else shows up to ask questions!”

  


“Pabus,” Nari extended a fist and cracked her knuckles loudly in the direction of the jerk Turian. “Leave Amelia alone, and quit being a dick.”

  


“Whatever,” the Turian called Pabus huffed and turned to step into the hall. “I’ll wait for you out here.”

  


“Hey, uhhh...Pabus?” My throat was dry from the bile and hard sleep causing my voice to grate and crack. Pabus’ red armor glinted in the harsh artificial light as he half turned in my direction. “I know I was an ass earlier, and I get you don't particularly like me or my species, but...thanks for your help.”

  


His gold eyes studied me for a long beat be it for signs of insincerity or the lack of a clear head I’m not sure, but I guess he found his answer. Pabus’ curt nod was the only response I got.

  


“Ahhh, progress,” Nari paraphrased Nihlus’ earlier statement in a tone that gave the impression of a grin. The fabric of her tunic rippled slightly on her short journey to face me.”I put my number in your pocket, Little One. If you need me, just call.”

  


“Promise,” my hand found hers and I gave it as strong a squeeze as I could misted. Her mandibles fluttered in what I was sure equated to a smile before she headed after Pabus.

  


“Take care of her, Garrus,” her parting words hung in the room almost as stifling as the mounds of blankets I just escaped from.

  


An awkward silence rolled in on the heels of Bannaria’s departure. I gave the mostly empty room a once over. Two twin beds at the center, my shoes tipped over on the plush carpet by the open door and the faint glow of the wards peeking from behind the drawn curtains were the most notable aspects of the space.

  


“We should get you home,” Garrus spoke softly from His sentry post at the foot of what I assumed was his bed.

  


I padded across the room and wedged my feet back into my boots slowly as to keep what balance I still attained. On shoe number two, I began to list a bit, and immediately felt a large presence come up behind me. A long arm hovered to catch me if I truly did loose my footing--draped over it was my jacket.

  


“Thanks Garrus,” my first words spoken to my savior who by the time showing on the clock by the door, had saved me from face planting onto cold steel only two hours earlier.

  


My jacket retreated from view and was slid over my shoulders in a matter of seconds. “You look cold,” came his matter-of-fact response.

  


His words vibrated through me in the most satisfying way. It brought back memories of when my father would hug me and laugh when I was younger. His deep bass tone guffaw would rattle my diaphragm. It used to and still did feel like safety.

  


“So,” my lip parted slightly as I grinned up at Garrus, “We just met and we’re already on a coffee date?”

  


“Looks like.” His voice revealed some amusement at my joke, but I couldn't read his expression--and it wasn't just because he was a Turian.

  


It was his eyes. They were switching between the usual Turian penetrating intensity and a softer more liquid regard.

  


“...You okay?”

  


He laughed--but it wasn't a joyous or goofy laugh. This laugh was brimming with relief. “After what you’ve dealt with, you’re asking me if I’m okay?”

  


“Uhh, yeah? I’m pretty sure this wasn't how you were expecting your night to go...babysitting my drunk ass and all.”

  


The Turian snorted.

  


_Turians can snort?_

  


“I’m just upset I didn't come up to ‘babysit your ass’, as you put it, when I had wanted to. If I had, this wouldn't have happened.” I got a better view of his royal blue facial markings as he averted his gaze from me. Two symmetrical cobalt swaths under his eyes and down his mandibles and a small bridge across his nose.

  


“You wanted to speak with me?” His mouth twitched at my query.  It didn't seem like he was too enthused about answering me. From basic body language, he had the stance of someone caught with their hand in the cookie jar. “Hey,” my hand connected lightly with his shoulder pauldron, “we can talk now.”

  


No movement.

  


“You couldn't have known,” I placated softly, “Hell, I didn't know until we were in the booth.”

  


A small nod.

  


_Whelp. That's something._

  


There was a small ‘ting’ following the light slap in gave his chest plate. “C’mon, Blue, this date is gunna suck if you don't lighten up.”

  


“Blue?” His tone had lightened considerably, as had his attitude.

  


“What? You’re covered in it!” My stomach churned as I giggled--a remnant of what was now becoming a bad dream, if only for the moment.

  


“It's my favorite color!” Garrus’ tone reeked of fake indignation.

  


“Mine, too,” I winked up at him then immediately lost my nerve, and spun on my heel, doing my best to stay cool before my pink cheeks betrayed me. “C’mon, Blue.”

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit. I would have paled had I the ability to. The only word I could think of, the only thing I think that would be on par with the last round in the game pounded in my mind with every beat of my heart: Beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are! Back to Garrus and finally caught up with where I've written to. (Just kidding, already working on chapter 5. I have no life, right now.)
> 
> This chapter was equally easy and hard to get through. For one, I'm always excited to write fluffy cuteness, on the other hand, trying to justify the fluffy cuteness was hard--so I hope it makes sense to you and not just to me!
> 
> Again, any and all constructive comments are much welcome!
> 
> Enjoy!

* * *

 

 

I strolled out of the hotel next to my Human companion into the Turian dominated sector of the ward we were in--which I found to only be a decently short walk to where Amelia lived.

 

It was about ten fifteen so the street wasn’t totally dead. One or two groups of younger Turians and a few Quarians, a C-Sec officer on patrol and some older couples milled about the ground level shops. It was warm and inviting out here, lively but restrained as most Turian neighborhoods were back home.

 

We headed left in the direction of her home. I was doing my best to slow my stride to keep pace with her. Walking with a Human, a short Human at that was severely limiting in terms of speed.

 

This is going to take a while.

 

The girl, Amelia looked exhilarated as she took in the view of the unfamiliar Ward. The florescent yellow of the shop lights gave her pallor a new glow. “You look like you’re having fun,” I leaned to my right a bit in a conspiratorial manner. 

 

“ Of course I am, we’re on a date,” her laughter was loud and inviting. 

 

The word ‘date’ blew down the street ahead of us. A male Turian that was walking arm in arm with his mate turned his head and gave her a disapproving stare. Of course he didn’t know what the girl had just been through, or the fact that ‘date’ was somewhat of an in-joke with us, but the fire behind his dissatisfaction was borderline nuclear. 

 

I wasn’t the only one that noticed. Her laugh had died out, and her jaw set into a rigid line. She was staring down the older Turian with no trace of fear or hesitation. 

 

A soft form slid it’s way into my hand a fraction of a second later. I cast my line of sight down to the end of my arm to find a tiny pale wrist wrapped around mine, her fingers laced comfortably between my digits. 

 

“ Problem?” She called out and the male instantaneously turned, whispered to his mate, and sped their gate taking a quicker lead on us. Amelia snorted in disgust and ran a hand through her black fringe. “God, some people. Can you believe that shit?” She looked up at me waiting for my agreeance. 

 

“ It has been only fifteen years since Relay 314,” I shrugged and watched her forearm rise with mine at the motion. “Some aren’t ready to let go just yet.”

 

“ Guess not,” she frowned. “But is it really all that bad? I mean--you love who you love right?” 

 

“ Right,” I straightened my spine a bit as the hunch I had taken to speak quieter to her was starting to become an annoyance. “Some are just stuck in tradition. What’s ‘right’. They’ll catch up eventually. Asari have been having inter-species relationships for years.” 

 

I was painfully aware that her hand was still nestled in mine, and from the light grip it didn’t seem like it was going anywhere anytime soon. What does this mean? I quickly began to dissect her actions since she had passed out in the club.

 

The walk back to the hotel had been interesting--lots of side streets and back alleys. As soon as I had scanned her ID in Flux I knew we couldn’t involve C-Sec, or her parents. Aberrant teenage behavior--nothing more. No need to get the girl into a world of trouble over one drink. The perp would get his regardless of her being there. 

 

As Bannaria and I had stealthily made our ways through the wards to the hotel, Amelia had thrown up two more times in her sleep. Only precipitated by a soft gurgle and a lurch, I narrowly missed the line of fire both times. Thankfully I managed to keep the both of us clean. After her last bout of regurgitation, she had curled herself around my breast plate, one hand gripping the edge above my chest for stabilization. A rather intimate place--and the expression on Bannaria’s face showed she noticed as well, though she stayed quiet. 

 

After getting to the hotel, trying to pry the human off of me even after I had laid her in the blankets had been an event in itself. She kept whimpering, and forged some sort of death grip on my armor, refusing to be parted. The female, Bannaria had had to gently pry the girl’s fingers off, and then the thrashing began just about the time Pabus showed up. 

 

We couldn’t tell if it was dream, or withdrawal, but seeing as how we weren’t sure on what she had taken before the encounter, we didn’t want to not pay attention and have her aspirate to death on vomit. Pabus had actually come up with the idea of rolling her in blankets so she couldn’t move, and leaving her on her side. 

 

Bannaria had made quick work of that task, and so I sat at the foot of the bed and watched for any signs of distress. I could see the slight bulge of her eyes moving beneath closed lids the entire time she was out--side to side in a rapid movement that betrayed intense dreaming. A couple times there was a sharp intake of breath followed by a slow stuttering exhale. This was not the dream she was having--it was a nightmare.

 

When she awoke, she had seemed better, or at least she hadn’t broken into uncontrollable tears. Her painted face stayed intact incredibly well--almost to the point that I wondered if those were her clan markings. The girl was articulating well, and moving around for the most part without need of assistance. 

 

I had turned to grab her blue covering from the corner of the bed behind where I had stood. It was most definitely blue. I smiled to myself as I gently folded the shiny fabric over my left forearm, I was right.

 

Right about what though? All in all the only basis I had for liking this Human girl was that she was clothed in blue--a color that I felt held good things for me. This superstition I had seemed to be enough to cause me to check her ID when I didn’t have to, and ask my brothers to help me duck C-Sec as I ran away from a crime scene with her. All without a word to her.

 

Still, when I saw her leaning at a near forty-five degree angle as she slid a foot into one of her tiny shoes, what I guess amounts to instinct took over and I was behind her in seconds, arm out to catch her in case her balance wasn’t as good as we were both hoping it was. We had a bit of a walk to go on.

 

“ Thanks Garrus,” the girl’s tone was heavy with sincerity--more than what was necessary for a simple arm block. She was thanking me for every action I had taken up to this point which lead us to this moment. 

 

The profile of her face showed what I assume would be pleasing to most Humans. Defined, features, with the focal point being her pair of large cerulean eyes...well would have if it hadn’t been for how dark her lips were painted. Still, even in the somberness of her apology, the confidence in which she carried herself helped to balance out her warring features. This tiny human, who was at least a foot shorter than I was, for lack of better term, beautiful.

 

I had never thought of myself a a xenophile in the slightest. I at this point had been with several females, but all of them were Turian. Also, no one could have said I was a speciest--to me what mattered was your character. Though I guess it could be said that I’d never met a Vorcha with outstanding personal character. This girl, though, from what little I knew was captivating inside and out. The urge to know more was overwhelming.

 

_ How do I respond? How do I answer such a loaded thank you? _

 

My jacket draped arm pulled back to my body. I quickly popped up the bundle of material and caught it right side up. I slipped the outerwear over her shoulders. Hiding her black undergarment and her translucent top. “You look cold.”

 

_Great, job, Vakarian._ My eyes rolled in their sockets at my inability to be smooth, or accepting of thanks.

 

My ineptitude didn’t seem to bother, the girl, though. She instead faced me, shrugging her jacket further onto her shoulders and gave me what I interpreted to be a playful grin:

 

“So, we just met and we’re already on a coffee date?” The lightness in her voice was like a refreshing glass of water. It woke me up to the fact that no matter how I _might_ have been feeling about her, thinking that she was moving in that same direction was a slim to none chance. 

 

“ Looks like,” I tried to keep my tone playful along with hers, but this sudden delve into the darkness I was trying to keep out of my thoughts was taking a new turn. If I hadn’t have been too much of a wuss to go over and talk to her--no matter who was around, this might not have happened. I could have come to my preliminary findings without her having to be attacked by some giant ape. 

 

_ You could have stopped this. You could’ve been there. You should have known. _

 

It had been only by luck, that I had looked at her booth to find her popping back up from under the table. My first instinct had been to turn around, as obviously they had both been enjoying themselves, but the glint of animal like fear in her eyes propelled me forward. 

 

“ ...You okay?”

 

_What?_ The girl had been through a horrible experience. Most, from what I could deduce would be more concerned about themselves after such a trauma--as they should be. And here this Human girl was wondering about my condition. I laughed.

 

“ After what you’ve dealt with you’re asking me if I’m okay?”   _ Oh this girl _ .

 

“ Uhh, yeah? I’m pretty sure this wasn’t how you were expecting your night to go...babysitting my drunk ass and all.”

 

I snorted.

 

“ I’m just upset I didn't come up to ‘babysit your ass’, as you put it, when I had wanted to. If I had, this wouldn't have happened.” A wave of shame washed over me. I turned away from the girl and settled my sights on my absentee roommate’s bunk.

 

“ You wanted to speak with me?”  _ Fuck _ . My body stilled. I’d given too much away. Now she probably thought I was a creep as well. “Hey,” I felt the tiniest of pressures on my shoulder, “we can talk now.”

 

_What?_ I couldn’t move. I felt like if I did the moment would pass and she’d think better and run screaming from the room.

 

“ You couldn’t have known,” her voice soothed, “I didn’t know until we were in the booth.”

 

I gave a reluctant nod.  _ She hadn’t shown signs of distress until she had made the decision to fight back. There was no way you could have picked up on that in such a crowded space. _

 

There was a small ‘clink’ followed by a wave of vibration over my chest. I turned my attentions back in her direction, and noticed her hand withdrawing from my chestplate. “C’mon, Blue,” this date is gunna suck if you don’t lighten up!”

 

“ Blue?” My eyes widened at the mention of the source of my superstition. But it wasn’t just ‘blue’ it was blue with a capital ‘B’. It was a nickname. 

 

“ What? You’re covered in it!” She giggled.  _ Spirits _ . Her laugh was the most intriguing sound, second to only that of her speaking voice. It was lighter, more musical, while still keeping the same resonance and reverberation of her normal tone. I wanted to keep that sound going forever.

 

“ It’s my favorite color!” I went for blatant indignancy with my retort. The laughter stopped.  _ Shit. _

 

“ Mine, too,” one of her bright blue orbs closed and opened quickly, while her deep navy lips curved up into a less innocent version of its preceding smile. I had seen this before between Humans on the citadel and in the Human vids I would watch when I was bored. This was an early indication of interest.

 

_ What the-- _

 

Before I could even finish the thought her cheeks rapidly gained a pink hue, and the expression was gone. She spun toward the door, her fringe whipping around her with the force. “C’mon Blue.”

 

“ Heh,” my mandibles fluttered in and out of a smirk while her back was turned. “After you, then,” she passed through the threshold and I followed briskly after, guiding her toward the elevator.

 

“ Blue--are you listening?” I blinked a few times, as my thoughts were pulled back into the present. We had made it maybe about twenty feet by the looks of the shops to my left, and the girl was pulling on our still joined hands to get my attention.

 

“ Sorry, mind wandered,” my apology was truthful. I’d been trying to figure out what the hand holding had meant, or in the very least to convince myself that there wasn’t anything behind the Human courtship custom. However, looking back on the night’s events, especially the flush of color after she had made what I now recognized as an obvious pass, I realized that the girl may very well have been feeling something for me.

 

“ Well, bring it back, cause we’ve got a bit to go, and I’m not going to keep talking to myself like a crazy person,” she chastised.

 

“Damn, Amelia--give a guy a break! You always bust balls like this?” My chortle echoed into the closing shop as we passed. Her pleased smile as we continued on made her look so incredibly alive.

 

“Yeah, I guess so,” she shrugged her free arm, “my dad was in the Alliance for a long time before he got hurt, so I was used to hanging around with him and his buddies and hearing how they talked.”

 

“Explains the dig you gave Pabus,” I hummed. “I have to tell you none of us were expecting that. Once the shock wore off, the others were rather impressed.”

 

Her black painted talons flipped her curtain of dark fringe past her shoulder in a cocky gesture. “Well I’m glad ninety percent of you don’t think I’m an asshole.”

 

“You are a lot of things, but an asshole you are not,” I tried to sound reassuring. “Pabus had it coming with his attitude--if it hadn’t been you giving him hell for it, I would have.”

 

Her hand changed grip but stayed within mine. My sub vocalizations went crazy with contentment, and I was super happy that her translator couldn’t pick up on the subtle thrumming in my chest. It was a secondary way of communication for Turians amongst clicks, growls, and hums. Words were used to start and end conflicts and to communicate with other species. Our sub vocalizations were just for us, and had become more of a way to add extra meaning to our spoken words since we joined the rest of the galaxy.

 

“Well thanks for that,”  Amelia beamed. “Its nice to know I had someone looking out for me before I even realized.” Her shoulder knocked into my arm and I briefly panicked that she was getting worse again, before I realized it was a playful human nudge. “So what other things am I? I’m curious.”

 

_ Fucking hell…watch your wording, Vakarian _ .

 

“Uhmmm…” I trailed off. What do I say to her, now? Caring, light hearted, funny, ball-busting, beautiful? _Shit shit shit._ My head turned on autopilot away from her expectant stare and off towards the shops. I couldn’t just avoid her question for the rest of the walk home--and I still had to get her coffee. 

 

“That bad, huh?” 

 

_ Awww hell. _ “ No--not bad, just...forward.”

 

“Forward, huh…” I snuck a peek at her, and she seemed to be thinking extremely hard about something--probably on how to let me down easy, since from the way her left foot would drag every few steps, she probably wasn’t running away anytime soon. “Well, we’ll trade. You say one thing about me and I’ll say one thing about you.”

 

_ A game?  _ My ingrained need to rise to any challenge surfaced immediately. Sure I could do this if it were under the guise of a game. Unless my suspicions about the hand holding and the wink were completely off--and I hoped it wasn't--she might say something equally as telling. 

 

“Who starts,” I queried.

 

“I will since you’re scared,” she prodded. I snorted another laugh, but she wasn’t far off.

 

“Okay,” she ‘hmmmm’d loudly as the thought of her first descriptor. I did my best to drown out the rest of the sound on the street so I could hear her first declaration of my character clearly:  “reserved.”

 

_Accurate._ I bobbed my head in agreement. “You’re kind,” came my quick reply.

 

“Dry-humored,” she shot back.

 

_ Also accurate. _ “ Light hearted,” I was going dangerously close to the more telling part of my list as the words flew between us. 

 

“Hah--fair,” her voice was sold out her grin. “You’re heroic.”

 

My chest swelled a little more obviously than I would have liked. A giggle below me showed she had noticed--I didn’t care. “And vain,” she added a second word as her giggles grew.

 

“Hey, that’s two!” I raised two talons from the where they rested on the back of her hand and lifted our joined appendages to show them to her. 

 

“Well give, me two, then, ya chicken!” Her tiny hand squeezed mine, on the way back to their resting place at our sides. 

 

“Ball-busting,” I feigned annoyance. 

 

“Aaaaaaand?” She nudged me with her arm again, and I rolled my eyes to the heavens.

 

“Flirtatious,” I kept my gaze up to avoid any expressions on her end. This feeling I had wasn’t completely new. However, it was foreign concerning the focus of my intrigue that if I forced myself to be honest, was becoming more of an attachment with every word we exchanged.

 

“Oh really? So you noticed?” The girl teased. “I was worried you were dense--guess not. I’ll pick a new word, then.” My head whipped to look down at her, hoping to find an answer somewhere on her painted face, but all I saw was her bright eyes wandering about the street, head tilted slightly as she thought of a new word.

 

I looked back to the streets and saw we were heading into the more human populated part of the Ward. The streets were near dead, as most that would be out on a Sunday were those that would populate the clubs and bars, not the shops. Still, a few hopeful vendors remained open. About six shops down I saw a sign that read coffee. I hoped that whatever came between there and here wouldn’t make it more awkward when I had to stop to buy a cup for the girl.

 

“Not really _a_ word,” she began. My full attention snapped back to her in a nanosecond. “But you have a great voice,” she spoke the words to the shops on the other side of the street. 

 

My mandibles flared into a messy grin. “My voice?”

 

“There’s just something about a guy that has a deep voice. One that like moves through you, and leaves a physical feeling. I dunno. This is going to sound weird for a second but don’t laugh,” it looked as if it pained her to turn to look at me. Her cheeks were bright pink, and the color was starting to tinge her ears.

 

“Promise,” no way I could think about laughing at her when what she had to say seemed like it would give more insight into figuring out what this was.

 

“Okay, so, my dad has this really deep voice--one of those ones that you can feel when he laughs and hugs you. He’s an older guy, so he was pretty much out of combat by the time First Contact happened, but he’d seen some shit in his day, you know? Well, when I was little and he’d come home from assignment. One of his last few he was sent on. He was covered in dirt, hadn’t showered in weeks, he’d scoop up my mom and I at the same time and give us the biggest hug. I could hear him speaking quietly to my mom--even when he was quiet it like, I dunno, shook me his voice was so powerful. This man, who swore more than anyone I’ve ever met to date, who’d taken more lives than he’d ever tell me, whispering how much he fucking missed us in that deep voice…” she trailed off for a moment. “That shit just gets me now. A voice like that--the duality of it all. Deep, harsh voice, soft words…”

 

“Why would I laugh at that?” My frown overcame the brief slack-jawed expression her monologue left me with. For a girl her age, despite the slang she spoke with the underlying sentiment was powerful and moving.

 

“Most other people I’ve told that to make some sort of joke about me wanting to fuck my father.” A shudder moved through her and rippled down her arm and into my hand. 

 

“Most people are dicks,” I grumbled as I pictured Amelia making the same statement to someone else she felt safe enough to share with and getting an incest joke in return. It was sickening. No wonder she spoke in innuendo and jokes. It seemed like in her case it was safer to be silly than to be serious.

 

We got to the coffee stand and stopped, not having realized our pace had slowed while Amelia had been speaking. The human behind the counter looked at the two of us, and our joined hands for a moment before shrugging and giving us a customer service smile.

 

“What’ll it be?”

 

“Oh, uhm…” she scanned the menu briefly, turning a strand of her fringe in around her finger as she did so. “Medium iced coffee, with sweetener and lots of half and half.”

 

The dark haired man looked to me, and I just shook my head and handed him my credit chit. The man set to work, mixing a pitcher of dark pungent cold liquid in a cup with ice, a clear syrup and what looked to be thick milk. The entire time, Amelia still had my hand, watching the man work idly as if this were the most natural thing for her. 

 

“Here you go,” The man handed the large cup through the window. Amelia grabbed it, and nodded her thanks to the man before turning and continuing off in the direction of her house.

 

“We’re not far, now,” she turned down a residential street and off the main drag. It was still lit, from the residence’s windows but nothing compared to the glow from the shops. I began to feel a bit morose that the night was coming to an end. I didn’t think there would be a non-obvious way for me to get her information to contact her again while I was still on shore leave. 

 

“How’re you feeling?” She had been sipping non-stop on her coffee since it’d made its way into her hand. I was hoping it would ruin the alcohol smell on her breath and help her not get any flack when she got home.

 

“Better--much better actually. Thanks for the coffee, Blue. I know you were kinda forced to get it, but still--its nice.” 

 

“I would have regardless,” I countered. I didn’t want her to think the only reason I was walking her home was because of Nhilus’ of my leader’s orders. “It's a bit of a walk--no reason you should have to do it alone.”

 

“It's still your turn,” she took another long sip of her drink. “I didn’t forget. What’s my word?”

 

_ Shit _ . I would have paled had I the ability to. The only word I could think of, the only thing I think that would be on par with the last round in the game pounded in my mind with every beat of my heart.

 

_ Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful. _

 

As much as I didn’t want to say it, I longed to say it. At the very least if she laughed in my face I could get her home and then nurse my wounds for the rest of shore leave, but if she took it well, then my week may have gotten more interesting. Either way, I’d be leaving in a week, and there was no telling when my next shore leave would be or where she would be when I did get a chance to come back. 

 

_ She was honest with you, you should be honest with her _ . 

 

I let my sights fall on her--she was looking between me and the street in front of her to keep herself from running into anything--but her patient stare always came back to me.

 

_ Fuck it _ .

 

“You’re beautiful.” My body thrummed with uncertainty, as I waited for a reaction. Amelia’s lips curved into a large Human smile and her head drooped. Her fringe created a dark blue-black curtain between her and myself. I didn’t understand the body language--she smiled, but she wasn’t responding or looking at me with approval. “Why are you hiding?”

 

I felt her hand shift in mine, and was worried she was finally ready to let go.  _ You’ve done it, Vakarian--you ruined this _ . I was about to loosen my grip to give her more of a chance to free herself, but then I felt a circular tickling on the palm of my hand. From my fairly poor vantage point I could see the knuckle of her thumb working in and out as she drew small shapes on the inside of my thumb with her stubby talon. 

 

“I’m not,” she said after a long few moments. “Not really. I just--christ, Blue, you made me blush.”

 

“Just to make sure we’re on the same page here--that’s not bad is it?”

 

“No,” she laughed and finally lifted her head. Her hair fell back and I saw that the flush on her face bordered on red. “It means I was caught off guard, but liked what you said.”

 

“Good,” my new boost of confidence bolstered me enough to attempt to return a hand squeeze. Her tiny thumb bent under the pressure, but as soon as I released it went back to mindlessly drawing shapes on my palm.

 

Amelia took a long draw from her coffee and stopped walking. I halted myself, and turned to face her, and noticed that she seemed to have purposely picked a darker place between windows to hide her face, thanks to my natural vision, she couldn’t hide that much--colors were muted but I could still clearly see the worried summation of her facial features. Her furrowed brow, the slight pinch on the outside of her eyes, and downturn of the corners of her lips made all the more exaggerated by the dark blue paint she had chosen earlier in the night. “What is this, Blue?”

 

“What is what? The hand holding, the heightened use of the word ‘date’ or the fact that we seem more comfortable with each other then we have a right to for how little we actually know each other?” It was mildly comforting that not even she knew what any of our encounter meant. It made it seem, at least on my end, that she may be in the same place I was at and not really knowing how to deal with it. 

 

“All of it. I mean--it’s obvious we like one another. That much is clear,” I grinned in the darkness. _So she does like me!_ “ But where do we see this going? I’m not even sure how old you are, to be honest, and I know you’re on shore leave, but I live here. You’ll be leaving to go kick ass, and take names, and I’ll be in fucking school hoping that you’re okay, and then I’ll be in the Alliance and who knows what will happen then.”

 

_Wow she’s done a lot of thinking,_ my eyes widened a bit at her version of how things were going to go. There was a lot of thought put into the future, though she danced around the ‘us’ of it all. By this point, whether or not we decided to move forward with any feelings, I was sure that no matter what one of us would be worried about the other for some reason. Her due to my being under constant fire, and myself since she seems to gravitate toward trouble. I mean, I’m glad she ended up in the club so we met, I just wished she hadn’t have been attacked.

 

“Wait, let’s slow this down,” I did my best to keep my tone as calming as I could to counteract her slightly panicked finish. “I think we need to figure out why this is bothering you so much before we make any sort of game plan.”

 

“Okay,” she nodded and swallowed audibly. “Okay. So, tonight--the thing with Aaryx fucking sucked. I’m feeling okay now, but when I was passed out I remember dreaming about it. I’ve never felt so small and helpless, and I know I got myself away as best I could--but I keep thinking about what would have happened if you hadn’t been there, or Nari, or Pabus, and I just...I need to feel safe right now. That's where it started. Then there’s your voice, it brings me back to my father speaking to my mother when he comes home and I just...I dunno...it feels familiar. It feels safe.”

 

I nodded in time with her pauses as he verbally worked out her feelings. It all made sense. I was expecting that to be the last of it but she continued:

 

“You just...you’re kind, you’re different. I’m in a new place, I’ve only been on the Citadel for a few days, and I don’t know anyone except Des and her mom before you guys, and I just...I’ve never felt this sort of connection. I can’t explain it.” Her free hand flowed through her silky fringe again, “ I guess its just..,I want to know more. I don’t care that you’re Turian--this isn’t some ‘rage against my species’ thing...I just like you.”

 

Amelia looked like she was near tears at this point. I used our tethered hands to pull her closer, and wrapped my left arm around her shoulders to pull her into a hug. Her cheek rested against the middle of my chestplate gently, and her eyes shut squeezing out two drops of glistening tears. She needed to hear my side, though it wasn’t as well thought out as hers--I was hoping some solid honesty would stop her from continuing to cry.

 

“My turn?” She nodded against me. “You wore blue.”

 

Her sudden laugh echoed across the high buildings and up into the artificial atmosphere. “Really?”

 

I nodded, “I’ve always felt--since I was a lot younger, that blue brought good things. That's why my armor’s blue, that's why when I saw your jacket when you brought the shots and then heard how you laid into Pabus, I knew I was right. You are interesting, intriguing. I’ve been with Turian women, and though they are familiar, I’ve got a feeling that familiar isn’t what I’m into. War...war changes you. I’m still catching up on all the ways it’s changed me but I think this is one of them. I need new, I need different--and you’re so new and so different that I don’t know if I’ll ever figure you out.”

 

“That’s a lot to put onto a color,” she murmured from her resting spot against my chestplate.

 

“It’s held up to it so far,” I closed my eyes and concentrated on the ever present tiny circles she continued to draw on my palm. 

 

“And your face paint?” She queried.

 

“Coincidence,” I smiled.

 

“Guess you are lucky,” she snickered as she pulled away from the embrace. There were two little wet tear tracks down her round cheeks that were quickly drying in the cold of the night. “As long as you’re not twice my age I think I’m more than comfortable with seeing where this goes.” 

 

“Good thing we’re the same age, then,” I laughed. The small line of fringe above her eye sprang up as she tilted her head.

 

“You’re seventeen?”

 

I nodded my head back in the direction we’d previously walking for us to continue to her home. “Yup. Turians serve from age 15-30.” 

 

“Wow. I mean, I could join now--but my mother wants me to finish out the Academy first. So I got a little less than a year.”

 

“Good, the longer you can wait to see the darkness that's out there, the better.” My words seemed to sober the both of us up a bit as we rounded a corner onto a slightly brighter street.

 

“If you’re willing, I’d like to hear your experience,” she prodded gently.

 

“Maybe another day,” I used my elbow to knock into her gently to reciprocate the affectionate nudges she had given me earlier. “That's a little too much before bed.”

 

Amelia nodded and sighed, her pace slowed and after a few more steps she stopped outside a little door, with a sign above it that read ‘The Hyres’. She herself was looking up at the sign, with a sadness in her eyes I had yet to see.

 

“Home?” I inquired softly. Her slow nod was the only response I got. 

 

_ Why does it feel like we're saying more than goodnight?  _ I began to get a bit sad myself. 

 

“So,” she looked up at me, doing her best to not look upset. “What now, Blue?”

 

I paused. Not seeing her again after our conversation was not an option, for either of us from what I’d gathered. We both had a desire to know the other that went a little further than just becoming friends. We were in a gray area. Too new to be a couple, too close to be friends. I didn’t know if humans had a word for that, and I didn’t think now was the time to ask. Amelia seemed tired, and I knew from when my sister was young, tired and emotional equals tears.

 

“Now, we make plans for tomorrow,” I flexed my hand that held hers and finally, and painfully broke the comfortable contact to bring up my Omni tool to take down her information. She gave me her contact with a sleepy smile, and took mine down in hers. 

 

“I get off school at two thirty,” she suggested. “I can meet you somewhere, don’t think you want to be seen picking me up from the Academy.” She sounded a bit ashamed--of what I wasn’t certain but I hoped it wasn’t of herself.

 

“Why would I not want to be seen? Aren’t schoolgirls a ‘thing’ with Human men? They’ll get it,” I did my best to lighten the mood. 

 

“I don’t want to know how you know that, Blue,” she giggled.

 

“Boredom, and internet,” I replied offhandedly. 

 

She was giving the door a strange look that seemed similar to dread. Her eyes said everything I needed to know--she didn’t want to part. The hand that once held mine was hanging limply and the one that held her mostly-consumed coffee was swirling the cup around softly.

 

“Well, goodnight, Blue,” without even looking up at me to give me a warning she simply stepped closer and wrapped her arms around my armored waist. My eyes shot open at the intensely intimate hand placement, and the tight pressure placed there. She had no idea what she was doing obviously--had she been Turian, should we have chosen to hug, the waist area would have been avoided entirely unless things were especially intense between the two parties.

 

Though, I supposed, with the conversation we’d just had, things were intense--just in a very different way. It wasn’t physical--it was a mental connection stronger and deeper than any other I’d had save for Kaetus.

 

“Goodnight, Amelia,” My hand rose and gently cupped the side of her head, feeling the softness of her fringe on my hands for the first time. It felt like the finest silk.

 

We stood there like that for a moment more before a muffled ‘ow-fuck’ from inside the house caused us both to part with a jump. She looked up at me with eyes brimming with sadness before the door opened to reveal a girl with frizzy red hair. She looked at Amelia then up to me slowly.

 

“Uhm, what’s going on, Amelia?”

 

“Hey, Des--this is Garrus. He walked me home,” my companion spoke in barely a whisper. Though her words were barely audible, the girl called Des still looked behind her in a panic.

 

“Dude, get in here--it's late, and you look like shit. Hurry up before mom gets up,” I was about to protest--Amelia didn’t look like shit, though finding your friend with tear tracks on her face and a strange Turian on your door had to be more than enough to bring out some fire. I just nodded at Amelia and motioned for her to head in.

 

“See you tomorrow,” she whispered with a forlorn smile before wrenching herself from her spot and into the house. The girl called Des gave me a long look, then nodded her goodbyes before stepping back in and closing the door behind her.

 

I let out a long exhale and headed back down the way we had come. It was considerably darker now, and without my companion I felt vaguely awkward being alone in a Human residential area. Still, I was in my armor, and being blatant military seemed to give some sort of pass with C-Sec. At any rate, without going into too much detail I could explain my actions if questioned, so that was a bonus.

 

The night, though there would always be that black spot of that asshole Human, had gotten better once Amelia was no longer in danger. Though I knew she wouldn’t be out of the woods yet in mentally dealing with what had happened. Some things just take a while to work out. Hell I still have nightmares from a battle a few assignments ago.

 

_ She shouldn’t have to deal with this yet,  _ I thought bitterly as I turned back down the main road. I was moving much faster on my own.  _ The Alliance is in her future, it’ll come soon enough _ .

 

To be honest the idea of care-free Amelia in the throws of battle was too much for me to handle right now. Sure she’d shown initiative in getting herself out of sticky situations, but knowing she would relatively soon be out there on some planet under active fire was getting to me in a big way. 

 

A blip from my omni tool signaled a new message, I stopped on the now desolate street in front of the dark cavern of a closed shop:

  
  


_** New Message from:   ** _ _ ** Amelia Shepard ** _

  
  


Goodnight, Blue. Get home safe. See you tomorrow.

  
  


I smiled at the message, saved it and closed the interface.  _ Spirits that girl _ . My pace began a new at a quicker than normal rate. My feet carrying me closer to bed, closer to the morning--so I could see her again.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, all I'm back with seventeen pages (SEVENTEEN O_O;; ) of Amelia POV. 
> 
> I really am proud of this chapter. It gives a lot more background to her. 
> 
> As always I hope you enjoy, and than you so much for reading!

* * *

I closed the interface after sending my goodnight message to Garrus and gathered my things to wash the stench of booze and vomit off of myself. Desi was sitting on her bed, her favorite childhood quilt up over her knees as she watched me move about the dimly lit room. 

 

“ You were messaging him, weren’t you? That Turian?” The curiosity behind her words was clear and pleading. She was getting ready to employ best friend protocols. If one experiences something without the other:  divulge everything as promptly as possible to further remain on the same page.

 

“ Garrus? Yeah, why?” I knelt down next to where my suitcase was and grabbed a set of pajamas, and some new underwear--I felt like I smelled like a duct rat, and wanted to get these clothes off me as soon as possible. Also, I wanted to avoid the ‘divulging’ part of best-friend code for a little while longer. Explaining Garrus and I would make a lot more sense to her if I explained the Aaryx of it all, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to tell her. Especially since Garrus and his friends dodged C-Sec for me.

 

The loud throat clearing from her side of the room boiled down to one thing:   _ quit stalling, Shepard. _

 

“Dude can I at least shower, first? I _smell_ like I rolled in a dumpster,” my hands full of deliciously clean clothes dropped to my lap in my moment of frustration. I knew there was no way to get out of telling her, but I at least wanted to feel like a person when I did.

 

Des’s hand waved me off dismissively, “fine--just don’t take forever.”

 

“ Thank you,” I rose and headed out of the room and down the short hall to the guest bath. It was a small space for two teenage girls to share. I placed my wad of night clothes on the counter next to the sink carefully as the basin was still wet from earlier use, and the edges were piled with hair tools.. 

 

I shuddered as the earlier part of my evening came back to me in a wave of panic and nausea.  _ Time to wash off the filth _ . My hands fumbled for the shower controls as they shook. The smooth metal handle was still slick with the water that remained from Des’s shower earlier in the evening.  _ I haven’t even been gone that long. _

 

When I had walked into the house just a few minutes before I noticed that it was only one in the morning. Just five hours ago I had been leaving to go off and have fun. 

 

“ Wouldn’t that have been nice,” my mumble cut off by the sudden rush of water from the shower head. My statement wasn’t completely true. There had been at least one good part of the night, and as much as I didn’t want to admit it--if I hadn’t been attacked, I might never have spoken to Garrus.

My back straightened as I grabbed the hem of my tank top and pulled it off in one swift motion. It was still slightly damp from my brief stint as a blanket burrito, I shivered again just realizing how cold I actually was, and that my jacket hadn’t done much to protect me from the artificial night outside. I’d been too wrapped up in conversation to notice the chill.

 

My boots thudded dully against the base board once I dislodged them from my feet and kicked them out of the walkway leaving small dark smudges on the baseboard.  _ I’ll clean that later,  _ I mentally made a note to try and do so before Mrs. Hyre walked in tomorrow and flipped her shit. There was a reason this house looked so nice--a constant overbearing need to keep things in order, passed down from mother to daughter. 

 

Don’t get me wrong, I loved the Hyres like they were blood. They had graciously accepted me into their home without a second thought. Before Mr. Hyre passed, he had served with my mom on the SSV Cairo. Unfortunately, when Desi and I were ten he passed away--bone cancer. The doctors tried to treat it as aggressively as they could, but they caught it too late. Derek Hyre had never looked sick up until the day he died.

 

After that point, Mrs. Hyre was offered a job on the ship to stay there, but she didn’t want too. There were too many memories within that hull. As upset as Des and I were at the time, it made more sense for them to go to the Citadel. No sense of them going back to Earth. Des’ grandparents on both sides were gone, and Mrs. Hyre wasn’t close with the extended family that was left. So they moved to the Citadel, and I was left without my best friend. We still kept in constant contact--but letters and vid calls weren’t the same.

 

As soon as my mom brought up that she had spoken to Mrs. Hyre, and said I could come to stay with them for my senior year, we were ecstatic. Des and her mother spent weeks preparing for my arrival. They had a bigger home than most due to Mr. Hyre’s pension and benefits, but there was still only the two bedrooms--so I got to bunk with Des. They had gotten her a new bed that had a roll out trundle for me, and changed her room around to maximize space to add in a second wardrobe for my clothes I would be bringing. Des had to give up her desk, but she never once complained. I think she was just happy to be getting me back.

 

We spent hours talking about the Alliance Academy before I arrived, who she knew, who to avoid, which programs were the best. Everything a bookworm like Des would find important. I focused more on who to avoid, and thus far, I had a pretty short list. Everyone loved Des. The Alliance Academy wasn’t strictly for kids with parents in the Alliance, but was run by Alliance military with the goal of educating young minds that wanted to get into the military, or higher associated professions better scores on the ASVAB.

 

On that respect I was already set. My dad had been running me through ASVAB practice tests since I was in Jr. High. I knew that test with my eyes closed. The goal of doing well on the ASVAB for me, was to be able to set myself up to get to N7. That was my dad’s dream, and I had decided long ago, I would do it for him.

 

My mind continued to wander as I finished stripping out of my smelly clothes. The dirty pile of denim and socks at my feet was quickly pushed off next to my shoes, and my bra. I crept to the mirror and looked at my reflection.

 

_Shit warmed over._ _Heh._ The hard hit of unconsciousness hadn’t helped my makeup stay intact whatsoever, neither had the brief cry on my way back home. There were tear tracks in my foundation revealing the freckles I so desperately tried to hide, and the eyeshadow near my crease had worn off ruining the blending job I had done just a few hours before. My lips, however, despite the assault they endured from asshole Aaryx’s crusty ass lips, were still utter perfection. 

 

The greasy texture of a makeup wipe soon found its way into my hands as I began rubbing away the layers of my mask.  _ He thinks you’re beautiful _ , I smiled, gently wiping the dark powder off my eyes. That had been the second most unexpected part of the evening. A mental connection between us had been fairly obvious before that point, but a physical one? Or was he saying I was beautiful because of our mental connection? 

 

_ Don’t worry about that, now, kid,  _ my eyes rolled at my own need to overthink other’s actions.  _ He called you beautiful. Just be happy _ . And I was. Despite everything else earlier in the evening, not having to do with him, Garrus had saved my night in more way than one.

 

One of the reasons my parents had decided to let me go stay with the Hyre’s was due to an altercation I had gotten into with a classmate right before wind of my mother’s promotion had come down. Well, he wasn’t just a classmate--it was a guy I’d been dating for the past year. Germain Keatley. Thinking of him now still made my blood boil. 

 

We’d been happy right up until the end. He was attractive, athletic, and had the same goal of getting into N7 as I did. The only thing we didn’t share was a knack for artistry--he couldn’t even draw a stick figure. We were perfectly matched, for the most part, and even those rare differences we had were endearing to the other. The only thing was--he seemed intent on only making out.

 

Call me close minded, but aren’t teenage boy’s usually knocking down the girl’s door to upgrade their action? I’d heard from other girls in my grade how they couldn’t keep their guys off of them, and now proud they were after they calmed after a ‘no means no’ talk. 

 

After about seven months I was worried there was something wrong with me. Emotionally we were intimate, but he didn’t seem to want to do anything aside from above the belt stuff--and even then I had to beg him for it. I’d hatched a plan at that point to see if I could seduce a willing coital participant. 

 

I’d smuggled the extra set of blankets down to one of the rarely used cargo holds and made a fort out of boxes, and an old set of fairy lights I occasionally put up in my room. When I was done, it was a gorgeous little fort that I’d been extremely proud of. Over the course of a few days I’d snuck down snacks, and drinks that would be alright to drink in the room temperature of the hold, along with some old couch pillows for a headboard and a small cooler on the last day to chill the drinks for D-day.

 

His confusion was palpable as I lead him blindfolded to the cargo hold, but still he was smiling and trying to get me to divulge my surprise early. Once we were on the riveted metal of the hold, he tilted his head and squeezed the hand he had around my waist.

 

“Why are we in the hold? You’re not going to space me are you?” We chuckled as I lead him to the back away from the cold of space and set him up in front of my ramshackle sex pad.

 

“Okay, you can look,” I bounced slightly while he slowly peeled off the blindfold. There was a brief moment of wonder that crossed his face that made my heart skip a beat, followed by a fall of expression into confusion and annoyance.

 

“Lia,” he took a step back from my person and let me go. “What is this?”

 

“Its for us,” I frowned, and my glossed lips slid against one another. “I know this boat doesn’t have much privacy--so I wanted to make us or own little place.”

 

“For fucking?” He gestured violently to the crate fort, “Amelia, just...leave me alone. I’m not having this talk and I’m not explaining myself to you.”

 

Germain stormed out of the cargo hold and I thought that was the end of it. I thought we’d be mad for a while and never speak of it again--but little by little I began to notice whispers and side glances from the boys in my grade as I walked through the small halls of the Cairo’s school area. At first it was annoying, but then I began to get paranoid.

 

Did I smell funny? Did my outfit not match? Was my eyeliner too thick? What the fuck was going on with all these whispers and chuckles that were becoming increasingly more obvious as the days went on.

 

Finally, one day, the sister of one of the worst whispering offenders told me what was up. 

 

I saw red.  _ No fucking way, no fucking way _ . I was in a different class than Germain that period but that didn’t stop me. I stood up, causing the chair to tip back into the desk behind me, and stomped out of my class and down the hall--my bewildered teacher calling after me to come back and sit down.

 

Three doors down, unsuspecting and smug sat Germain. Right by the door. Easy target. 

 

I flung the door open, fist already raised and drove it down connecting forcefully with his right orbital bone. “You’re telling people we _fucked_ you pansy ass waste of dick? We didn’t fuck--you walked out on me, you got scared like a little bitch, and you left.” 

 

The boys in the class were in an uproar, at the scene. From what the girl had told me, he had been telling everyone he pounded me hard and made me scream with his unadulterated sexual prowess. The teacher, Mr. Burkinshaw grabbed me around my middle before I could get another swing in at Germain and dragged me out into the hall.

 

When all was said and done, I was suspended, my mother was called away from her station, and both my father and I got a talking to about not going near Germain again. At that point, I think is when she decided due to the fact that the Cairo was like a small town, and there was no way for me to actually not go near Germain, that it’d be in the best interest for all parties if I stayed with the Hyres.

 

I came back to the present and realized I’d been staring at my bare face for god knows how long. I could tell from the steam creeping into view and fogging the edges of the mirror that the water was at a much needed scalding temperature. I tossed the makeup wipe into the trash bin under the sink and pulled back the shower curtain enough to step inside.

 

The water hurt.  _ Good _ . My intended smile came out as more of a grimace under the forceful pressure of the blistering water. At this point I was needing not only to wash off the grime of the evening, but trying to scrub away the dirty feeling I’d had all night. Unfortunately, the water couldn’t scrub my brain clean of past events.

 

I took my time lathering my hair with my green apple shampoo, working my fingers through the knots and tangles lazily. I wasn’t in a hurry to get back to Des, and was hoping she’d be asleep by the time I got out.  _ Well that trouble you were expecting, Des--it happened. Some dude was intending to get me on my knees in an alley. But don’t worry--I physically assaulted him and then passed out while a group of Turian soldiers stomped his ass into oblivion. Oh? C-Sec? Yeah, they took me out the back and brought me to one of their hotel rooms so your mom wouldn’t be having to meet my drunk ass at Heurta Memorial. _

 

_ Nope _ .

 

Then again, if not the truth what do I tell her? Garrus is a bit obvious--and if I hadn’t just met him she would have known already. No. it would have to be the truth--just a toned down version.

 

The last of the shampoo left my hair at the same time as there was a knock at the door:

 

“ Amelia, honey,” Mrs. Hyre.  _ Shit. _ “ It’s late, hurry it up.”

 

The sound of water pounding fiberglass must have woken her up. “Alright!” I called out and hastily went for my matching conditioner. I squeezed out just enough to cover the bottom half of my hair and combed it through with my fingers, before going for my pear scented body wash. The green translucent goo oozed onto my loofah inaudibly, unlike the bottle that I capped with a finger and hastily placed it back on my section of the product ledge.  _ Thunk _ .

 

The scraping of the loofah on my skin followed by the searing water was almost enough to make me feel clean. Though I had very much enjoyed my Garrus filled parts of the night, there was still that nagging voice that screamed:  _ dirty, dirty, you’re dirty _ , in the back of my head the entire time. I felt a little upset that my shower wasn’t having its entire desired effect. I wanted to strip that part of my evening from my memory completely, but as much as the water took away the grime associated with it, for all our advances there was no such thing as brain bleach.

 

I hastily rinsed myself off and removed the rest of the conditioner from my hair, as to avoid another visit from Mrs. Hyre at the bathroom door and shut the water off. I stood there there dripping for a moment while I wrung out the excess moisture from my tresses which slapped loudly against my back once freed from my grip. The shower curtain jingled while being shoved back to reveal the rest of the bathroom, a thick fog of steam permeated the air.

 

I grabbed a towel and flipped my hair over my head while I went to work on towel drying. That was the downside of having long hair that was especially thick:  dry time. No point in staying up to blow dry--though that would keep me from Des’ inquisition for a few minutes more. My hair dried pin straight as is, so if she did venture from her room to see what was keeping me, she’d see my avoidance for what it was and dig further. 

 

After a couple minutes half bent in the shower, the towel had done its work and the majority of the moisture was wicked from my now damp hair. I flipped myself back up, hair flying above me to settle in a gentle ‘spat’ on my back. A once over with the towel on my body, god rid of any remaining water droplets that hadn’t rolled down to my feet, yet, and I stepped out onto the plush bath mat, folding my towel as I went.

 

The towel bar squeaked while I slid the folded towel up and onto the metal rod, making me wince at the sharp sound. The Hyre’s home was comfortable, but it you looked behind the scenes it needed a bit of work. Mrs. Hyre did her damnedest to make sure no one felt the need to look that hard, but once you lived here a few days you learned things. The towel bar squeaks, the dishwasher doesn’t run, Des’ door doesn’t lock, and the footrests for the couch don’t work. Small things, but enough that it put into perspective that perception isn’t always reality.

 

I reached for my pajamas, and underwear. The soft material amazingly wasn’t steam logged, and was instead just pleasantly warm. I pulled the oversized night shirt on over my bare top and pulled my underwear into place to be followed moments later by my the baggiest of all my sweatpants. After a night like tonight I wanted to be warm and comfy.

 

I piled my dirty laundry into the hamper by the door and headed out of the bathroom, flicking the switch for the bathroom fan on the way out. I meandered quietly through the hall and opened the door to Desi’s room softly, hoping not to wake her if she were already asleep.

 

“Well, spill it Shepard.”

 

_ Oh christ. _

 

* * *

 

It was the last few minutes of my final period at the Academy, and I was trying to get Desi’s attention, but she was completely focused on her syllabus.

 

The recounting of last night’s events went better than expected. I used a less brash and matter of fact manner of speaking and channeled my mother. Eventually she calmed down enough to agree not to tell her mother--and by extension mine and just settled for being happy it wasn’t worse than it was.

 

She wasn’t as particularly excited about the Garrus aspect even after my cliff notes explanation, but she said as long as I was happy, she was happy.

 

I had an unread message on my omni-tool, but didn’t have time to check it. Even though today was just syllabi and getting to know the teachers, that took all of maybe thirty minutes of each fifty minute period. The rest for me was trying to tear Des away from her new stacks of assignments, or sitting on my own listening in to other’s conversations. The teachers paid just enough attention to make sure all omni-tools went unchecked.

 

“ Des, I’m freaking bored,” I shook her arm gently. The glare she returned would have made a lesser person’s blood run cold. Des hated to be bothered when she was working on school stuff. I held up my hands in surrender and turned back to face front coming face to face with a pair of deep mahogany eyes. The sudden appearance of a face caused me to jump in my seat a bit, and my left hand flew to my chest, covering the bit of cleavage that my black v-neck t-shirt showed. 

 

“ Sorry, there, Amelia,” the eyes contorted with minor worry. “Just wanted to see how your first day was going.” The slim lips below the boy’s eyes stretched into an easy smile. He was cute, no doubt about that. Angular features, tanned skin that showed constant activity on-world, and short regulation dark brown hair. 

 

“ Uhh, thanks--Kaidan is it?” I returned a small smile and removed my hand from my chest to scoot further back into my seat. 

 

“ Yeah, Kaidan Alenko,” he nodded. “We have like four classes together, along with Ashley,” he turned to look at the girl three rows over who gave me a small wave before returning to her syllabus--a carbon copy of Des in posture.

 

“ Oh cool,” my smile turned genuine. “At least I’ll know somebody other than Des. I could only get three classes with her--different tracks.”

 

“ Yeah, I think you’re in Infantry with Ashley and I,” he nodded to himself. “Marines?”  


“ Navy. Then I’m going N7,” my tone left no room for discussion. This is what I’d wanted since my father told me about how they trained--how it was by invitation only, and that you had to survive to get to the next round.

 

“ Wow--lofty ambition,” Kaidan bobbed his head once in approval. “Think you can make it?”

 

“ I know I can,” I countered frostily. I wasn’t sure if he was genuinely curious, or if he, like many others, was trying to segway into a ‘but you’re so small’ comment.

 

He laughed and shook his head, “I didn’t mean anything bad, Amelia, it's just rare to find someone that completely knows what they want.”

 

“ Fair. Sorry about that, had a bad night last night,” I lowered my gaze to my implant for my omni-tool. I was sure it was Garrus having messaged me telling em where we were going to meet up. I’d been so excited all day that the day dragged. Hell--I’d been so excited that I hadn’t stretched enough for the mile in gum and had ended up pulling a muscle. 

 

One of the girls in my class, Rosa Edlin had laughed herself stupid at that one. Rosa, unfortunately was in all my classes and seemed to hate me outright.

 

_ Feeling’s mutual, bitch. _

 

I don’t think all the attention Kaidan was throwing my way was helping the situation. She had been glaring daggers past Ashley at me since he had introduced himself.

 

I zoned back into Kaidan talking about plans him and Ashley had after school, something about grabbing a coffee and then hitting Silversun Strip. “--do you want to come with us?”

 

I was glad I felt like I got along with someone other than my best friend, and hopefully if Kaidan continued to want to talk, Ashley would welcome me as well. I wanted so desperately to share some interests with others looking to become soldiers, and I appreciated the fact that I was already being asked to join in on my first day.

 

My high ponytail shook as I frowned. “Sorry, dude--can’t make it. I’ve already got plans after class.” Rosa seemed to let out a long exhale at my words, Kaidan deflated equally. His shoulders slumped and his lips twitched down into a frown, but almost immediately he went back to looking like he _knew_ I would accept his offer. Almost like he glitched out for a moment.

 

“ Oh, that's cool. Some other time then,” he beamed. 

 

“ Sure thing--sounds fun!”

 

I leaned against armrest of my desk and swung my legs out into the aisle so I could cross my legs. Since I had showered the night before, I had time this morning to meticulously clean my boots. I loved these things more than I probably should--they were moto boots lined with white and black plaid on the inside that would show if you didn’t lace them all the way up. Since my color palette was a little more somber than most, these boots matched about ninety percent of what I had to wear--no use in retiring them for a while due to barf stench. Just a little deodorizer and some wet paper towels and they were good to go. 

 

I glanced up at the clock behind the teacher’s desk. Only five minutes left to go. The slight vibration in my omni-tool implant was constantly reminding me of the message I couldn’t read. I needed to set a ‘do not disturb’ function while I was at school--though usually non-intrusive, the small vibration when I was looking forward to this particular message was maddening.

 

“ So where you going,” Kaidan inquired with that ever present smile. 

 

“ Out with a guy I met the other night,” I grinned the effect it could have on present company and cast my bashful look down at my black and pink striped skinny jeans. These were the most obnoxious pants I owned by a mile--better to wear them and be noticed for that on my first day than anything else. Plus, they made my legs look long, which in my book, was never a bad thing when you’re just over five-foot-six.

 

“ Oh, really,” a new voice entered the conversation. I looked up to see Kaidan’s friend Ashley slide into the empty seat right in front of Des. Her shoulder length dark brown hair nearly the color of Kaidan’s made them nearly look like twins. “Haven’t seen you talking to many people today--who’s the lucky guy? Is he older?”

 

_ What’s with the interest in my personal life? _

 

I surreptitiously glanced past Ashley and saw Rosa at a dead stop in her writings--hanging on every word. Kaidan was in a similar predicament, trying not to seem too interested in whatever answer that would come out of my mouth. 

 

“ Nah, he’s our age--he just doesn’t go here,” my answer was short and sweet. Ashley seemed to take it for what it was, but I could feel the intrigue rolling off of Rosa. I had the feeling that any sort of more descriptive answer I gave would just be handing her ammunition for later use.

 

“ Where does he go,” Kaidan’s tone inflection rang true with genuine curiosity. 

 

Before I could even think of a lie or a non answer to give him, the bell rang. The volume in the room instantly rose, as papers were shuffled and last minute plans were made. I offered the boy a small apologetic smile, as I neatly filed my papers into my folder. Before I fully diverted my attentions to packing up, I saw Ashley and Kaidan exchange a look. Ashley shrugged and headed back to her own desk, and Kaidan turned to get himself packed up as well. 

 

I dropped my folder into my bag and zipped it quickly. The same mosquitoesque vibration on my arm reminded me once more I had a message to read. I didn’t have nearly enough privacy to feel comfortable with opening it now, even though I wasn’t on the clock. I slid from my desk hurriedly and leaned over to Des. “I’ll be home later on, you going to be okay?”

 

Des looked up having just finished packing her own things and nodded. “Yeah, he’s only here a week right? I’ll be fine. Go have fun--and be _safe_ this time, Amelia,” her tone reminded me of my mother chastising me for not coming home on time.

 

“ Fine, if you insist,” I ruffled her auburn hair on my way out the door. This school was massive, but with all the kids crammed in it you could barely tell. Any and all parents funneled their children here hoping they’d take to the fast paced curriculum and do something towards a higher education. It took me another three minutes to go sixty feet due to the groups of co-eds stopping to talk in the hall.

 

When I reached the outer door, the artificial breeze hit me like a salve. Being out of the enclosed space filled with thousands of living heat generators was freeing. I walked down the grand steps and headed off toward the gates, watching my feet as to not trip on a strap or book from the students that lined the steps.

 

My arm buzzed again.  _ Shit _ , I frowned and continued down, the white marble of the entrance stairs. 

 

_ Buzz _ .

 

“ Fine,” I muttered. Odds were it was my mother checking in to make sure I hadn’t punched anybody yet.

 

I got to the bottom step and scooted off to the side before I pulled up my messages.

 

 

_** Three New Messages from: ** _ _ ** Garrus Vakarian. ** _

  
  


** 12:02pm ** \-- I’ll be waiting out front when you get out.

  
  


** 02:54pm ** \-- Look up.

  
  


** 02:54pm ** \-- I know I’m ugly, but you should still look up.

  
  


I looked up toward the gates and saw him standing there leaning against one of the gate posts with a large cup in one of his hands, visor over his left eye like usual, looking rather pleased with himself.  I laughed and closed my interface before heading off in a expeditious manner to the Turian.

 

It was interesting to watch the reactions of my classmates as they passed Garrus. Some rubbernecked in confusion. Others made small noises of disgust and then shut up as they passed him only to mutter once more when they felt at a safe distance. Others, just plain out gave him a wide birth. It didn’t seem that he noticed any of this--I could feel him watching my approach, like he was trying to use some higher level of concentration to pull me to him.  _ Not like that’s needed. _

 

He wasn’t wearing his armor today, which I guess depending on your stance on other species was a good and bad thing. Good because of the tension between some of the humans and Turians, and bad because he looked rather impressive in his worn armor.

 

Though, I liked his casual wear just as much. A rich black fabric with blue panels that matched his face paint, and white piping for detail, very dark, and very Garrus from what I knew so far.

 

“ Awww, you got me coffee,” I smirked as I approached the leaning Turian. His response was to push off from the railing and swing up behind me and pass the coffee over my shoulder. “A man who listens--this is new. Careful Blue, you might have to beat all the girls off with a stick.”

 

“ One,” he chortled, “I didn’t listen--I observed.” He tapped the side of his visor with a long tallon. “Two, maybe other girls won’t make fun of me for getting them coffee,” the jab in his tone was light and friendly.

 

“Sorry, Blue, I appreciate the life-blood that is coffee,” I did my best to simulate shame and hung my head as we walked. “You’re great, and I suck.”

 

“Maybe, I’ll agree with my being great--but you’re the attractive one, so that’s something,” he nudged my shoulder with his elbow.  

 

Again I found my cheeks turning red, but this time I didn’t have my hair down to hide it. “You’re not ugly, Garrus,” I spoke to my straw before taking a long drink. 

 

There was a falter in his step for just a moment, which was quickly corrected when he took a normal stride. I tried not to grin and spit coffee everywhere--my compliment hadn’t been expected to say the least. 

 

It was true though, he wasn’t ugly. He wasn’t attractive in the ways Humans were, but his personality, and his ever expanding sense of humor were more than enough to make me find him to be utterly and completely attractive.

 

To drive the point home I reached out my right hand and found a spot in his relaxed palm. His talons curved lightly around the back of my hand to keep it in place.  _ There.  _ I looked up and over at him and smiled, and he gave me a very Turian grin right back. 

 

_ This feels right. This feels safe _ .

 

In that moment everything felt like it had come into place. Getting rejected by Germain, moving in with Des, and even the events of the previous night. All of those things lead me to where I was, walking hand in hand with Garrus Vakarian down the road near--

 

“Turn here, Blue, I want to show you something.”

 

We veered into the park near the Academy. It was made to look like a more modernized version of the Hanging Gardens of Babylon. More simplistic columns, metal instead of stone, and wondrously large, lush plants from different planets that the architects thought would look good in such a space. I came here once with my parents on a trip to the Citadel when I was small, and this instantly became one of my favorite places here. So many places to explore, shaded benches to sit on. It was the best park I had ever been to, and I wanted to share it with Garrus. 

 

We stepped into one of the many cavernous openings in the foliage so I could give him a better look of where we were at. “Spirits,” he was looking all around him with an expression kin to childlike wonder. The sun lamps over the park were radiating a steady heat that better suited the plant life, and he ‘hmmmm’d as he let go of my hand to slowly spin to take in the view. 

 

“You like?” I grinned watching him study the landscape. He turned back to me his mandibles slightly open in what I read to be awe.

 

“Of course--this place is amazing, Amelia,” he began walking the perimeter of the clearing and staring up at the floral arrangements from every angle. It was a sight to see, a Turian who the previous night roared in my defense like the most feral of beasts, gazing with undivided attentions at flowers. 

 

“It’s been my favorite place here since I came here as a kid,” I spoke softly. I didn’t need to shout to be heard across the clearing, rarely anyone here came to this place anymore, except for the rare pair of adults. “My parents took me here when I was seven. I was so in love with the arrangements that I wanted to be part of them, so I hid when my parents were getting ready to leave. I was convinced I could live here on my own.” I stat down at my spot in the clearing, and leaned back against my backpack. “What I didn’t count on was hunger. My parents searched for me for hours, until my mom got the idea to send my dad to go pick up dinner and eat it in the clearing they had lost me in. Just the smell of it drove me nuts, and I eventually came back out to ask if I could eat with them. They only agreed if I promised I’d come back home with them.”

 

Garrus’ thunderous laugh echoed through the plants, and off the metal railings for the observatory decks. “You wanted to leave society and become a plant?”

 

“Hey, man--being seven can be rough,” my laughter mixed with his, creating the most beautiful cacophony. He wandered back over and sat in a similar position, propping himself up on his elbows in the thick grass. His elbow rustled my bag a bit as he got comfortable.

 

“Are you going to run away from me to go live with the plants?” He gave me a mischievous side glance, and his left mandible fluttered a little bit. 

 

“Run _from_ you? Never,” I took a sip of my gifted coffee. “Anyway, my legs are too short--you’d catch me easy.”

 

“Are you sure,” Garrus challenged, “I’m well..I’m me, and I’m leaving in five days for whatever my next deployment is.” His gaze fell downward and I got the impression from his voice that he wasn’t necessarily talking about _my_ feelings. 

 

“Hey,” I set down my coffee and wriggled my far arm out of the strap to my backpack before rolling closer to Garrus. I rested my cheek against the smooth fabric over his chest and laid my now empty left hand close by. I felt a long low hum from in his chest that wasn’t unsimilar to a cat purring. “So we have five days, then. Why can’t we make the most out of that? Then, once you have to go, we write when we can.”

 

“Sounds like a plan,” I felt a slight pressure on the top of my head. For a second I thought he had kissed my hair, but again I don’t remember ever seeing Turians kiss. A small hot blast of air on the back of my neck allowed me to finally place his position from his breathing. He was resting his forehead against the top of my head.

 

“Awww, you softy,” I ran my nails lightly over the fabric of his tunic, and the humming in his chest got louder. “Do you always purr?”

 

“Hah, only when I’m happy,” he nuzzled the top of my head. “Is your fringe always so soft? It smells like apples.”

 

“Fringe?” I giggled. “It’s called hair, Blue, and yes, it is since I take care of it.”

 

“You have a lot of….hair,” he paused. “How do you take care of it?”

 

It was an inane question like ‘how do you care for your hair’ that really kicked off the conversation. Strange and non-sequitur, just like how our relationship seemed to be. I explained in detail how I care for my hair, and unlike my experience with other men, he asked questions. Being Turian he didn’t have hair, so I expect it was interesting to learn minute things about another species, but I assume the other part of it was that it had to do with me. From there the conversation went onto my ‘face paint’ as he called it--that took a lot of explaining, and I hadn’t even gotten to the ‘why’s of it when his chitinous face knocked into the top of my head.  _ Hard _ .

 

I rolled off to the side in a daze. My hand clapped to the top of my head with tears welling in my eyes. There was yelling, lots of yelling. And the sound of bone crunching. I rolled my eyes upward, so see Garrus on top of a pair of kicking legs, pounding the shit out of him with his right fist. A flash of wet blue on the back of Garrus’ head and a skewed fringe plate caught my eye next. 

 

I sat up, and my head exploded with pain. “Garrus,” I called out but I got no response. Just a stream of cursing from Garrus and a wet smacking sound as he drove his fist down into the person’s face. I managed to flip onto my hands and knees and crawl off to the side, still calling out for Garrus to respond to me, but when I saw who he was hitting, I knew why I couldn’t get a response between swearing an animalistic growls.

 

Aaryx.

 

_ Son of a fucking bitch. _

 

His face was a massive bruise, and I wasn’t sure if it was from the beating he took last night, or the one he was getting now, if it hadn’t been for the fact that he was wearing the same clothes as the night before, and the same shaggy russet hair, I wouldn’t have been able to tell it was him. From anyone else that was watching it would have looked like Garrus was violently punching a pound of ground beef. 

 

By now my yelling had become screaming for Garrus to stop. Aaryx wasn’t moving, or fighting back anymore, but Garrus kept hitting him over and over and over. People had started to gather at the edge of the clearing drawn in by my frantic cries. 

 

_ Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck. _

 

“Garrus stop!” My voice cracked. I shakily stood and made my way to the opposite side of the enraged Turian, getting a better look at the cracked and slightly lifted fringe spike on the back of his head. His neck and collar were soaked with royal blue blood, and it was starting to drip onto the apple grass below. 

 

I reached out and put a hand on Garrus’s shoulder, and made sure to squeeze hard. “Garrus,  _ stop _ .”

 

His massive fist stopped in mid swing as it was heading down to make another connection with Aaryx’s face. He sat up, still straddling the unmoving human’s legs and let his hand drop to his side--and then his head fell forward. 

 

My hands reached out and I pulled him away from Aaryx just as three flashes of blue ran into the clearing. Two Turian and one Human C-Sec officers bounded, in--the Human already calling for medical transport to Huerta Memorial. 

 

The nearly black Turian made his way to Garrus and pushed him out of my reach while the other more silvery one one pulled me back in the other direction. I got flustered and touched the knot and saw stars briefly before I fell back into the soft green grass. 

 

The badge of the officer standing over me read “Officer Qualin”. He knelt beside me and immediately softened his tone:

 

“You okay, Ms?”

 

I shook my head, to clear the stars but only ended up in more pain from the brisk movement. Tears welled in my eyes, as I looked around the clearing for Garrus.

 

I found him, on his knees, with his hands cuffed behind his back. 

 

_ Oh god. _

 

“Don’t arrest him, he was protecting me.” I kept my eyes on Garrus the entire time I told my story of what had happened the night before. Aaryx getting me into the club, getting served a drink by a bartender that didn’t know any better, the forced kiss and the threats that were made. All of it. “Last I heard Aaryx was in Huerta Memorial,” I sniffed. 

 

Officer Qualin looked more than angry at my story, but he accepted it. He hadn’t been working last night but he had heard of a brutal beating in Flux where the “victim” supposedly tried to attack a girl that was nowhere to be found. 

 

The entire time I spoke Garrus never took his eyes off the ground in front of him. Whenever he was asked a question he only responded with: “Vakarian, Special Forces under Nihlus Kryik.” After the fifth question when the Officer realized he wasn’t getting any other response, he spoke into his radio:

 

“Find me Nihlus Kryik. I have one of his men detained.”

 

_ Oh god, this is bad. _ I attempted to stand and lost my balance half-way up. Officer Qualin caught me by my arm and settled me back onto the ground. “We’re going to need another transport, Tebbetts,” he called over to the human officer seeing to Aaryx. 

 

“ No, I don’t want to go,” I wrenched my arm free of Qualin’s grasp. The Turian made a ‘hrumph’ of discontent and motioned for Tebbetts to trade places with him. As they passed eachother I heard Tebbetts speak in a hushed tone:  


“ I don’t think he’s going to make it.”

 

_ Oh god. _

 

I put my head in my hands and whimpered at the blast of pain that shot through my head. I came to the sudden realization that my hands were wet and pulled them away to see my fingers coated in viscous red blood.

 

Officer Tebbetts, knelt beside me, “alright, hon. I’m going to check your head to see how bad the gash is, and then I’m going to ride with you to Huerta, okay?” I stared at Tebbetts through my blood covered fingers. He was older, with salt and peppered hair, and a gray mustache. He had a litany of crinkles around his eyes that showed he smiled a lot. Just from the look of him I liked him. I nodded my consent and lowered my head slowly while he pulled on a pair of latex gloves. “What’s your name, sweetheart?”

 

“A-Amelia Shepard.” I stammered as he poked and prodded around my wound, and inhaled sharply when he pulled something from it. He lowered a stained glove to show me a blade of wet, red grass.

 

“Well, Ms. Shepard, you’ve got a three inch gash on your scalp that’s bleeding pretty bad, and you have grass and dirt in it. We need to get you to Huerta for debridement, and some stitches. While we’re doing that I’ll contact your parents.”

 

“Shit,” I muttered, “you’ll need to contact Leah Hyre on the south end of Bachjret ward. I’m staying with her. My parents are deployed.”

 

“ Well, then it’ll be up to her to contact your folks, but I’ll give her a ring right now and let her know what’s going on and have her meet us at Huerta.” Officer Tebbetts peeled off his gloves with a snap and stood to start going about his work.  


I felt a tickle along the back of my neck and realized that the blood had already made it down through my thick hair. I inhaled slowly and evenly trying to keep my cool while I stared Garrus down. He hadn’t moved since I had fallen, his eyes still locked on the ground before his knees.

 

“Garrus,” I called softly, “I’m okay. It’s okay.” He blinked slowly as if coming out of a daze, and after a long couple of seconds finally looked up at me. For the first time since I had met him, he looked utterly predatory and dangerous. Even him roaring at Pabus was nothing compared to the feral wild look in his eyes. “Calm it down, Blue,” I did my best to soothe him with my tone, “c’mon.” I saw some inkling of lucidity flicker back into his eyes, for a fraction of a second.

 

It was at that very inconvenient moment that a bead of blood wound its way down from my hairline and into the tail of my eyebrow. That lucidity I worked for vanished, and Garrus eyes turned hard and cold before returning to their fixed position on the ground before him. 

 

My posture slumped along with his, and I sat that way while the first round of medics gathered the pulp formerly known as Aaryx onto a stretcher and guided him out of the gardens. It was a horrific sound, but the gurgling noise he made when they moved him told me he was still alive.

 

Then it was my turn. Officer Tebbett returned to my side along with a brownish green Salarian at his heels. The doctor, who introduced herself very quickly as Dr. Cinan Borbano quickly parted my hair, checked my scalp and nodded to Tebbett. 

 

“C’mon Ms. Shepard, Mrs. Hyre is already on her way to Huerta, time to get you patched up.” He held out a hand for me to grab. I took it with my right and grabbed onto his wrist with my left and winched myself up off the ground. I still stumbled a bit, but Dr. Borbano quickly put her long arm under my shoulders and started to guide me out of the clearing. 

 

Shooting one last look at Garrus found him still as a statue. The only thing that had changed was the amount of blood wetting his tunic. I didn’t know what to say--anything I tried was going to sound like a goodbye, and that was the last thing he needed right now. 

 

When I turned back around, I saw Nihlus power walking down the path and into the clearing, fully decked out in his maroon and black armor. He looked pissed. His hands were clenched into tight fists, and his eyes, were dilated to a point where I could barely see any pupils. 

 

“Nihlus,” I called out vying for the Turian’s attention. His only response was to throw up a hand dismissively and walk past like I wasn’t even there. That told me all I needed to know. He blamed me for this, and not only was it my fault, but I had involved one of his men, and now he needed to step in and fix things.

 

My head hung as I walked through the heavily wooded path toward the street. I could hear the sounds of people that probably stopped to rubberneck at hearing C-Sec sirens and an Ambulance at a park most people never went to. The sound was deafening as we made our way out into the street, there were people everywhere, and more C-Sec officers than I could count. The most unfortunate part of it all was Khalisah al-Jilani was there front and center behind the barricade with her little camera droid.   


Now my head was hung for my protection. 

 

“Can we get inside please,” I begged Officer Tebbett. He nodded and moved himself between al-Jilani and myself while Dr. Borbano helped me into the ambulance, along with my recovered backpack. Dr. Borbano climbed in after me and banged on the side of the vehicle to tell the driver to get moving. I sat there staring at my feet, blood dripping with a quiet ‘ _spat, spat, spat’_ on the floor.

 

Borbano rustled about the back grabbing supplies and eventually came up and pressed a wad of gauze to the top of my head. “Worse than I though. Hold please. Press hard,” her clinical yet kind voice permeated the silence of the back of the ambulance.

 

I did as I was told, and pressed as hard as I could. The pain was immense, but at the same time incredibly freeing. I was finally getting a taste of what I deserved, just a little bit of pain compared to what Garrus was probably feeling right now.

 

_ I might have just ruined his career _ .  _ I might have just ruined everything _ .

 

 


	6. Chaper 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thought was gone at this point. I was tactile, and the only thing that mattered with the ever growing give of the bone under the flesh I was hitting. I was vaguely aware, of pain and wet on the back of my head--but that didn’t matter. I could still make out a person under my fist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, all--so I'm back. Funny story, so our power went out last Saturday. It was out for two days before we could get it fixed, and then when we got it back on we found out it blew the modem. SO--this chapter has been waiting to be read for about five days now, and I'm pretty far into the next. 
> 
> Anyway, hope you all enjoy!

* * *

 

 ** _New Message from:_ ** **_Amelia Shepard_ **

**09:23pm-** Garrus, you okay? You were bleeding. What happened with Nihlus?

 **09:35pm-** Garrus? How much trouble are you in?

 **09:48pm-** Okay. Message back when you can.

  


    I stared at the wall of my hotel room while I listened to Pabus and Kaetus argue via vid chat over whether ‘the girl’ had made me stupid, or if I was just born that way. Kaetus was arguing that no, it wasn’t Amelia’s fault, that I would have done the same if anyone had attacked me from behind, and Pabus was all for blaming her for ruining everyone’s shore leave.

    Everyone was on room arrest for the night thanks to my actions in the hanging gardens earlier, and shore leave had been cut short by five days. We were heading back to the ship at eight the next morning. Everyone was pretty pissed, either at myself, Amelia, or both.

    I didn’t blame them, I had truly and completely lost my shit back there. My throat was killing me, for some reason--I didn’t remember yelling at all.

What I do remember was we were lying in the most beautiful place in the Citadel, and I was learning about human preening customs. She had already told me about how she cared for her hair, when I realized as I looked down my nose at her, that her clan markings were different.

    “What happened to your markings?” I tilted my head a bit to get a better look. The lids of her eyes were a light shimmery color, instead of the inky black they had been the night before, and she had a dark feather shape protruding from the corners reaching almost to her eyebrow. Her lips weren’t the same dark blue, but instead a shiny rosy pink.

    “My makeup?” One of her eyebrows, as I just learned they were called, lifted and she smiled. “I do it different every day.”

    “Makeup? So this has nothing to do with what family you’re from?”

    “No,” she giggled, “it’s a form of self expression some Humans use to show how they’re feeling on a particular day, or to match an outfit. Last night I was feeling dramatic--today, as you can tell by my winged liner, I woke up entirely too early and had too much time on my hands.”

    “I take it that takes a lot of time?” I reached out a finger and delicately traced the black line where it jutted out from her eyelid.

    “Aaaaand hand-eye coordination,” she sighed. “It takes a bit of practice for it to be even.”

    I nodded my head against her hair which was still soft and smelled sweet and fruity. It was pulled back into what she called a ponytail towards the top of the back of her head, just low enough for it to not be in the way of my own temple that rested against the black silk like strands. “What sort of paints do you use?” Another laugh. _Spirits I love that sound_.

    “No paints. Mostly powders and pigments. Some inks like for the eyeliner, and cremes for the lips,” she corrected.

    “So you do this to change the way you look? For what purp--”

    Pain. A level of pain I hadn’t felt since I broke a bone as a child. Not even in active combat had I received a blow that had a mind blowing white hot sting such as what was coursing through the back of my head right now. I felt a pop and a release as my center fringe plate was partially separated from  the soft skin of the back of my head.

    My head slammed into the top of Amelia’s skull and this time, another pop, but no pain.

    _We’re under attack_ . _Protect her._

    Amelia rolled to the safety of the other side of her bag clutching the top of her head. A small cry escaping from her as her hands made contact above her ponytail.

    _She’s hurt_.

    I swiftly rolled onto my knees and launched myself at my unknown assailant with a roar of pain and rage. I caught the aggressor about the middle and felt like I was tackling a steel beam. I was worried I had made an error when I felt give, and we both came crashing down into the spongy grass.

    An ‘oomph’ escaped the attacker, signaling all air leaving his lungs, giving me time to heave myself up over them and take a good look.

    I was met with the bruised and broken nosed Human from the club the night before. His eyes rolled wildly in his head as he desperately tried to inhale life-giving oxygen. He still had his medical bracelet on his wrist, and was bleeding from where his IV should be.

    His eyes held the same look of terror that I saw in Amelia’s when she had surfaced from below the booth the night before. A look that should never have tainted such a beautiful face.

    _No more._

    My right fist drove into the Human scum’s nose full force, A sharp crack echoed in the clearing as his bridge broke. _Again_ . I aimed for his mouth--a series of tiny cracks and a spurt of blood were my prizes. _Again._ This time his eye--no crack. It didn’t matter, I was out to destroy the very image of this being that thought it was okay to terrorize and harm. _See how he likes it._ Crack.

    Thought was gone at this point. I was tactile, and the only thing that mattered with the ever growing give of the bone under the flesh I was hitting. I was vaguely aware, of pain and wet on the back of my head--but that didn’t matter. I could still make out a person under my fist.

    At first there was struggle, I had to dodge his flailing arms to make my blows connect properly. He was screaming obscenities about Amelia through sprays of blood and teeth. After the fifth or sixth punch, though, his arms began to lower and slow down, and on the ninth I hit so hard the crack was from my knuckle breaking. He stopped moving.

    _Not done_.

    I continued my assault. As sounds started to filter back in, I became vaguely aware of Amelia calling my name being called in panic. _Am I not doing enough?_ I hit harder, feral growls escaping me and flowing onto my unmoving target. The sounds of the impact were starting to become wetter with every blow.

    “Garrus,” that panic again. I growled louder and pulled my fist back higher. I would do this for her, I would keep her safe--and if that meant making this Human’s head a crater, so be it.

    _Fifteen. Sixteen. Seventeen._

    “Garrus, stop!”

    _Eighteen. Nineteen. Twenty._

    A sharp squeeze on my left shoulder brought lifted the veil of my rage enough for me to hear Amelia’s angelic voice clearly: “Garrus, _stop!_ ”

    I halted my fist mid swing. If she said I was done, I was done. I pushed off the velvety grass with my left hand and hovered there over the unconscious Human. His face, if you could call it that, was a spin-art of teeth, and blood, bone and bruise. It was so swollen you could barely make out any features at this point.

    The reality of the situation flooded me suddenly. _What have I done?_ This Human, though a waste of oxygen and resources who had obviously come to do harm to Amelia and I, was rattling lightly as he struggled to breathe. Just from looking at him I was pretty sure he wasn’t going to survive what I had done. I had subjected her to watching me beat someone, quite possibly to death.

    _She saw you do this._ _How are you any less of a monster than he is?_

    My head dropped in defeat. There wasn’t anything I could do at this point to prove to her that I wasn’t some alien monster. She had seen me dehumanize the man comatose below me in the most literal way. I’d taken his face. There was no way she’d see me as anything but this anymore. I’d lost. Even if she said she still cared for me, there would be no way Aaryx’s ruined visage would leave her mind.

    I felt small gentle hands around my arm moving it in an upward slant, trying to remove me from the body below. I let her guide me away, but there was no way I could look at her now--I didn’t deserve to. My head pounded as my broken plate swayed with the movement.

    I was so in my own head that I didn’t even notice the C-Sec officers until they were separating Amelia and I. A Turian, with red markings showing an old Palaven clan pushed me briskly back wards about twenty feet from where Amelia stood, immediately launching into questions about what had happened before they’d arrived, and something about reports of an attempted murder.

    _Not too far off_.

    My bloodstained broken hand was wrenched behind me by the Officer so he could restrain me with cuffs. I didn’t resist--I had no right to, I was guilty. I was guided down to my knees and asked to remain still. _Fine by me._

From across the clearing I heard Amelia yell for him not to arrest me, that I was protecting her before launching into the story from last night and of the attack. Hearing the story recounted I felt a small surge of vindication in my actions listening to the words he had used and the way he had manhandled her. I became more and more aware as the feeling grew that anything I would say--just by tone would put me in a cell for a long time.

    In situations like these, Nihlus always said to keep our mouths shut and divert any and all queries to him. All we were to give was our name, our MO, and his name. If I divulged why I’d done what I had done, and illuded that Nihlus was aware I had removed a victim from a C-Sec investigation, there would be a lot more than a vigorous smoking coming my way.

    “Vakarian, Special Forces under Nihlus Kryik.”

    “What happened here?”

    “Vakarian, Special Forces under Nihlus Kryik.”

    _Wash, rinse, repeat._

It took three more repetitions before the Officer gave up and spoke into the radio for his omni-tool:

    “Find me Nihlus Kryik. I have one of his men detained.”

    I had simultaneously saved myself and brought down the thunder with one sentence. Sure, there was a slim chance Nihlus would get me out of trouble with C-Sec, especially since the incident from last night was on record. Nonetheless, there would still be consequences. Having him use that favor would come with a price, a steep one, probably. In the military, if you fuck up there are no free passes--especially when you nearly kill someone from another species on shore leave bestowed by the highest in Turian command.

    “--three inch gash on your scalp that’s bleeding pretty bad, and you have grass and dirt in it. We need to get you to Huerta for debridement, and some stitches. While we’re doing that I’ll contact your parents.”

    _Three inches?_ My jaw clenched and my eyes shut in a resurgence of rage. I’d done that to her. I knew in my right mind that it only happened because of the kick to the back of my head, but my mass--my face had done that to her. If the Human’s onslaught was enough to pop a fringe plate out of place, of course the hardness of my face would have split her delicate skin. No doubt she probably had a concussion as well.

    In that moment I would have done it all over again. I’d break every knuckle in my dominant hand to make up for what had happened to her. Amelia Shepard was kind, light-hearted, and beautiful. Most importantly, she didn’t deserve any of this--and today I knew I didn’t deserve her.

    “Garrus,” her soft voice floated over to where I knelt, “I’m okay. It’s okay.” I did my best to fight the urge to to look at her, fearing what I’d see...but I was selfish.

    I lifted my head slowly, and pried my eyes open still fearing what I’d see. She was sitting in the lush grass, her knees pulled to her chest, and there was dark crimson liquid all over her fingers that clutched her shins. Her soft features were etched with worry that I didn’t deserve, and I wasn’t sure if it was for my current predicament or if it was for my ever spiraling mental state. “Calm it down, Blue,” her tone was low and even but it carried to me above all other things. “C’mon.”

    Her tone was clear: _everything will be okay_. I wanted to believe her with every fiber of my being. I wanted to be able to ride with her to Huerta so I could apologize in relative privacy how sorry I was she’d gotten hurt. I wanted to hold her hand while they stitched her wound, and I wanted to spend as much of the next five days with her as possible before I ventured back into the vastness of space.

    I looked for blue--my signal that all my wants would be okay. There were her eyes, watery with unshed tears, but I felt in this case I needed something more. I needed a clear sign that backed up her sentiment.

    A trickle of syrupy cherry liquid seeped from her hairline as I scoured her and the surrounding area for my sign. My heart wrenched as it wound down the curve of her forehead and mixed with the short hair at the outside of her eyebrow.

    Everything would _not_ be okay.

    I couldn’t bear to see her bleed anymore, and instead turned my attention to the small ‘pat, pat, pat’ of my own blue blood dripping onto the grass below me. I watched it spatter the bright green grass turning some of the less saturated areas teal.

    The presence of the Officer next to me was ever present, and I heard an obscured voice through the radio saying Nihlus was inbound. I wryly conjured the melody of an old Turian funeral dirge in my mind. Whatever happened now was out of my hands, if Nihlus wiped his hands clean of me and sent me with C-Sec, so be it. If he was benevolent enough to save my ass, I would be forever in his debt. Either way I was prepared.

    The step and shuffle in front of me signaled Amelia’s turn to go to Huerta. My spirits lifted slightly when I realized there would be a small chance I would see here there when I went to get my plate re-seated and stapled back into place. I was glad that they were moving her now instead of trying to stave the bleeding to further question her here.

    “Nihilus,” I heard her clearly calling for my now present commanding officer. The sub vocal rumble of irritation he responded with rattled my eardrum with heightening intensity as he neared.

    “Officer Acaso,” Nihlus’ voice was even and brimming with restraint.

    “Thank you for coming, Sergeant Kryik. We’ve been trying to question your soldier here, but all he responds with is his name, his rank, and your name. Thought it best to call you down so we can get a statement.” I heard the sound of skin on skin as the two briefly shook hands.

    “No statement from the girl,” Nihlus the sub vocalizations he was emitting told me he was trying not to lose his shit.

    “She told us her side, and from what she’s said it fills in a lot of gaps with that sexual assault case filed last night at Flux where our vic was missing,” Acaso responded. “From the damage on your boy here, looks like the suspect in that case attacked them from behind--girl got injured as a result. Your boy went to town on the suspect’s face pretty bad.”

    _All true_.

    “I see,” my Sergeant’s voice was deadly low and even. The blades of the plant life below me rustled as he moved to stand before me, his scuffed and worn leg armor visible from the shin down. “Vakarian,” my head snapped up to look my commanding officer in the eye. “Report.”

    “We were attacked from behind sir. The Human male kicked my fringe plate. We were prone. I subdued the male.” I kept my tone matter of fact. No sense in adding any unnecessary detail--anything more would only make matters worse.

    “The girl’s injuries?” My mandibles flared recalling the trickle of blood running down her face.

    “Due to our position at the time of attack, my head snapping forward caused the gash on Amelia Shepard.”

    “The overkill?”

    “I feared for Amelia’s safety, sir,” I was struggling to keep my voice constant. “I knew from the previous incident that the male was admitted to Huerta Memorial. From the look of the blood on the male’s right arm, the IV he would have been given while being treated, was not professionally removed. It was likely he blamed Ms. Shepard, and not his own actions for what happened at Flux and snuck out of the hospital for revenge. Seeing as how he did not announce his presence, and went straight for attack I had to make sure that he stayed down no matter what as to secure Amelia’s safety, sir.”

    “Do you have any information to corroborate my soldier’s assumption?” the volume of Nihlus’ voice changed as he turned to Officer Acaso.

    Acaso made a disgruntled noise. “We received reports from Huerta two hours before this call that a Human male escaped his room via a sheet-rope while the officer on guard went to the can.”

    “Why was there no other officer to watch while the first one was indisposed?” Nihlus’ voice was dripping with irritation. I was right there with him.

    “We’re spread thin at C-Sec, Sergeant.” Acaso’s timbre reeked of embarrassment.

    “What--”

    “Shut it, Vakarian.” Nihlus snapped the force of his ire caused my head to lower. My teeth gnashed at the idea that we wouldn’t have had our pleasant afternoon interrupted if C-Sec had made sure to have done their job.

    “I think you know where I’m going with this, Officer Acaso,” Nihlus’ commanding voice pierced the air in the clearing. “Had C-Sec made sure to keep an eye on the human male, this situation wouldn’t have happened. My soldier is on his second day of shore leave fresh off an eight month tour through the Terminus Systems. Hasn’t had a chance to decompress yet. He acted on reflex to defend his friend who had been attacked the night before by the same offender.”

    “I understand that, sir, but surely you can’t be suggesting that we just let this go,” Acaso sounded stunned.

    “No, I’m asking you let me deal with this in house,” Nihlus responded, “I can assure you this is out of character for Vakarian, and due to the circumstances I believe incarceration to be cruel and unusual. He has an excellent record on field, and has accolades from Primarch Fedorian. If need be I will go through Councilor Sparatus for clearance.”

    There was a low thrum of indecision as Acaso mulled over his options. Nihlus wasn’t leaving much room for discussion, and he was widely respected in our society for being selfless and seeing to the good of the people before his own needs. As such, Nihlus through manner of force, or charm usually got his way.

The thrumming stopped.

    “I am releasing Vakarian into your custody, Kryik. Before he leaves the Citadel I want written statement from Councilor Sparatus that he is aware of the situation with Captain Bailey, got it?”

    “Understood, Officer Acaso. Thank you for your discretion in this matter.” Nihlus’ voice grew in volume again, “on your feet, Vakarian.”

    I rose slowly, legs shaky from kneeling for so long. My arms were pulled back as Acaso worked to undo my cuffs. The throbbing in my broken finger grew as he pulled my wrists together to give enough slack to release me. It didn’t matter--my out of place digit wasn’t going to be anything compared to what I would be soon dealing with. The look on Nihlus’ face said it all: _you’re fucked, kid._

    Once I felt the metallic click of the cuff’s releasing I unwound my arms from behind me and checked out my right hand. My longest finger was off to the side and swollen. I inhaled deeply, grabbing the finger and set it back into place with a loud ‘crack’. I winced at the surge of pain that followed, and momentarily forgot about the pain in my head. _Well that’s something_.

    “Let's get you stitched up,” Nihlus put a hand on my shoulder and guided me toward an alternate path out of the clearing past the rest of the cops and the now empty perimeter where the few witnesses had stood. Blood was still leaking from the back of my head and I knew I had lost a lot of it. Head wounds, even if not life threatening were still dangerous.

    “You did good protecting that girl, Vakarian,” my commanding officer spoke quietly as I shuffled my way slowly down the shaded path towards the street. “I understand your reaction. I pulled some strings and checked out the perpetrator on my way here. There are at least three more sexual assault complaints where the witnesses backed out of testifying last minute. No complainant, no case.”

    “Thank you sir,” my voice came out more weary and muddled than I would have liked.

    “Don’t thank me just yet,” Nihlus warned. “You still took the law into your own hands, and though with good reason, you did it days after commendation from the Primarch on a gifted R&R. We haven’t been on ground two days, Vakarian.” His hand patted my back in a rare display of fatherly affection. “I don’t mind keeping you out of a cell, kid. You’re too good at your job and too valuable to the squad to rot in there--you’re a leader Vakarian and you’ve got one hell of a gut. It’s save you and Ebonus’ asses more times than I can count. I was going to recommend you for a promotion, and I still want to--but as the Humans say, no good deed can go unpunished, and to keep you in the running for that rank, you’re really not going to like yours.”

    _Fuck_. The amount of strings attached to my release may have very well just strung me up like a marionette. I knew exactly the lynch pin to my staying out of a holding cell:  no Amelia. As much as we both knew that she didn’t deserve any of the horrible things she dealt with the past two days, not even I could argue that the lynch pin for it all was the initial decision to sneak into Flux. I probably just killed for the girl and not even I could deny that--but at the same time, if she hadn’t, I wouldn’t have ever met her. The point on this dual-edged sword was way too fine a point.

    Still, five more days on the Citadel for rest would be great--but if I wasn’t allowed to see her, it would be torture. Having her that close and accessible without the option to see her smile would ruin me, and if I was going to be miserable, I’d rather lessen the blow by concentrating on work.

    “Permission to speak, Sergeant?”

    “Permission granted, Vakarian.”

    I swallowed, forcing saliva down my dry throat before I spoke. Was I really about to ask to leave her because I couldn’t see her? What would I say when she inevitably messaged me to see how I was doing? How would she take it? I knew full fell that the ban on seeing one another wouldn’t be one sided--all her decisions from the past two days were going to be out in the open. I doubted she’d be seeing anyone any time soon. “Am I correct in the assumption that seeing Amelia will be barred for the remainder of R&R?”

    “Correct.”

    _Knew it._ “I appreciate your faith in me, sir, and I want to uphold that faith. I’m not sure if I can stay on the Citadel with her here and not see her--I am requesting early return to work, sir.” I hung my head, and my busted fringe plate shifted. I hissed in pain. “I am fine with taking the heat for the removal of R &R with the men, sir.”

    “If you don’t think you can keep to yourself for the remainder of R&R, then I agree. We’ll get you patched up and then lockdown in the hotel for everyone until I can dredge up an assignment.”

I let out a low sigh of relief.  Shit talking from my squad could be easily handled, and if anything after hearing what happened it would probably lessen the blow of a shorter shore leave. At least, that’s what I hoped.

 

* * *

 

My arm vibrated again. Another message from Amelia. I swung my legs over the edge of my bed and sat facing away from Kaetus who had stopped speaking with Pabus at the sound of my movement.

I opened up the interface, frowning. She’d been messaging me for the past thirty minutes pretty much non-stop. I had read every single one of them over and over again, trying to think of how to respond, but nothing good enough came to mind. She deserved so much more than a goodbye message on her omni-tool, but there wasn’t any way I’d be able to get to her, or she to me without another incident from either her care-taker or my squad.

I was on pretty much everyone’s shit list--Pabus had lunged at me as soon as word came down for shore leave, causing everyone to not only be confined to the hotel, but to their rooms. Room service was our only perk left--but it didn’t seem like much of a bonus when it was your only option.

Kaetus had been a lot better than most about it. He had been irked about the situation, but mostly he was interested in how quick my reaction time was, and wanting a detailed description of what the Human’s face looked like when I was finished. I knew his motivation as soon as he had asked. I was the one that was usually protecting him on mission--he wanted to know how far I’d go if need be.

    Thankfully for the squad’s sanity, Nihlus found us a series of missions in the Skyllian Verge.

 

 **_New Message from:_ ** **_Amelia Shepard_ **

**10:33pm-** Must be bad over there if you’re not responding. :(

 

    _Christ._ I knew I needed to answer eventually, and the chance of waiting and magically finding the perfect way to tell her I wasn’t allowed to see her and would be leaving in the morning wasn’t going to happen.   


_  
_ **_Garrus Vakarian: Message Sent_ **

**10:35pm** \- Its...tense. Under a lot of restrictions right now.

  


**New Message from:** **_Amelia Shepard_ **

**10:36pm-** Oh shit. I’m sorry, Blue. How are you doing otherwise? You were bleeding pretty bad.

  


**_Garrus Vakarian: Message Sent_ **

**10:37pm-** Ahh, I’m fine. Got staples to hold my plate in place while it heals. Broken finger. Nothing too bad. How’re you?

  


**New Message from:** **_Amelia Shepard_ **

**10:42pm-**  30 stitches, and I’m grounded until I graduate from what my mom says. My dad said to thank you for him.

  


**_Garrus Vakarian: Message Sent_ **

**10:45pm-** I’m sorry you got hurt. I’m sorry I can’t see you before I leave.

  


**New Message from:** **_Amelia Shepard_ **

**10:47pm** \- Oh shit. :( Well it's five days to talk, right? Anyway, Des' mom has to sleep sometime. I can see if I can sneak out to meet you!

  


**_Garrus Vakarian_ ** **: Message Sent**

 **10:57pm** \- The whole squad is on room arrest until morning. We head out at 8am, Nihlus revoked the rest of R&R and found us a new assignment.

  


**_New Message from:_ ** **_Amelia Shepard_ **

**10:58pm** \- WHAT?

 **10:59pm** \- You're joking right?

  


**_Garrus Vakarian_ ** **: Message Sent**

 **11:03pm** \- Wish I was. I don't regret protecting you at all, Amelia, but these are the consequences of my actions. Even if I could get out of here without anyone noticing, I'm not supposed to see you.

  


**_New Message from:_ ** **_Amelia Shepard_ **

**11:08pm** \- I see. So there's no point in trying to get you to meet me?

  


**_Garrus Vakarian_ ** **: Message Sent**

 **11:12pm** \- I'm on so many drugs I can barely sit. No way I'm getting out of here without Kaetus noticing—and he's not going to cover for me. I'm too drugged to get smoked, so Nihlus is punishing everyone.

  


**_New Message from:_** **_Amelia Shepard_**

 **11:15pm** \- That's a bunch of bullshit.

 **11:17pm** \- He should at least let you say goodbye since he's making you all leave early.

  


**_Garrus Vakarian:_ ** **Message Sent**

 **11:24pm** \- As much as I want to that's probably not going to happen. My punishment of not being allowed to see you isn't a punishment if he lets me say goodbye.

 

 **_New Message from:_ ** **_Amelia Shepard_ **

**11:25pm** \- Fuck him!

 **11:26pm** \- I'm coming to say goodbye. What dock will you be at?

  


**_Garrus Vakarian_ ** **: Message Sent**

 **11:27pm** \- Amelia....

 **11:36pm** \- I want you there, trust me. Hell I want you here, now. You have no idea how much earlier meant to me, just lying there with you, learning about you. It was one of the best moments I've had in a long long time. Seeing you there with your guard down is the most beautiful I've ever seen you. As much as I want to hobble my drugged ass over there and hold you, the day I joined my military is the day I signed away my right to fully be my own person. I have to do what is best for my squad, and if I disobey Nihlus and come see you, its not just myself I'm hurting, its all of them as well. Again.

  


**_New message from:_ ** **_Amelia Shepard_ **

**11:50pm** \- I don't want to be one of those girls that gets mad when her guy has other responsibilities, but it really fucking sucks that I can't see you.

  


**_Garrus Vakarian_ ** **: Message Sent**

 **11:54pm** \- I know. It sucks for me, too. Just trust me—if I could be there, I'd be holding you already.

  


**_New message from:_ ** **_Amelia Shepard_ **

**11:56pm** \- Oh really? That sounds nice.

  


**_Garrus Vakarian_ ** **: Message Sent**

 **11:58pm** \- You have no idea.

  


**_New Message from:_ ** **_Amelia Shepard_ **

**12:00am** \- Trust me. I have many ideas. ;)

  


**_Garrus Vakarian_ ** **: Message Sent**

 **12:02am** \- Does that “ ;) ” mean something?

  
  


**_New Message from:_ ** **_Amelia Shepard_ **

**12:04am** \- How bad do you wanna know?

  


**_Garrus Vakarian:_ ** **Message Sent**

 **12:05am** \- I'm slow, Amelia. Thinking hurts right now. Just tell me?

  


**_New Message from:_ ** **_Amelia Shepard_ **

**12:08am** \- Awwww, your head hurts? I'll kiss it better.

  


**_Garrus Vakarian_ ** **: Message Sent**

 **12:09am** \- ...But you're not here. Are you? I mean, kudos on slipping your guard, but for the sake of my continued existence, please don't be here.

  


**_New Message from:_ ** **_Amelia Shepard_ **

**12:11am** \- What? No—I'm not there....jeez, you don't get the whole flirty messages thing do you?

  


**_Garrus Vakarian_ ** **: Message Sent**

 **12:12am** \- Oh.

 **12:16am** \- Continue.

  


**_New Message from:_ ** **_Amelia Shepard_ **

**12:18am** \- You sure you can keep up?

  


**_Garrus Vakarian_ ** **: Message Sent**

 **12:20am** \- Don't hassle the drugged soldier.

  


**_New Message from:_ ** **_Amelia Shepard_ **

**12:22am** \- Awwww, poor Blue. Do someone need a neck rub?

  


**_Garrus Vakarian_ ** **: Message Sent**

 **12:23am** \- …

 **12:26am** \- Uhm, I don't know if that means the same to you as it does for me.

  


**_New Message from:_ ** **_Amelia Shepard_ **

**12:28am** \- What are you talking about?

 **12:35am** \- OH GOD!

 **12:36am** \- I didn't know that was a...uhhh...I'm sorry.

  


**_Garrus Vakarian_ ** **: Message Sent**

 

 **12:37am** \- You looked it up didn't you?

  


**_New Message from:_ ** **_Amelia Shepard_ **

**12:38am** \- Yup.

 **12:39am** \- If you're laughing at me, quit it!

  


**_Garrus Vakarian:_ ** **Message Sent**

 **12:42am** \- Why would I laugh aside from the fact that the first thing that comes up when you search 'Turian neck massage' would be a film you're not allowed to get into without an adult?

  


**_New Message from:_ ** **_Amelia Shepard_ **

**12:45am** \- You're a jerk. :)

  


**_Garrus Vakarian_ ** **: Message Sent**

 **12:46am** \- You like it.

 **12:58am** \- You still there?

  


**_New Message from:_ ** **_Amelia Shepard_ **

**01:25am** \- Sorry, got pulled away to go talk to Des' mom. She's thankful you were there to protect me from Aaryx, but she said she spoke with my parents who decided you're too “mature” for me to keep in contact with. They told me I can say goodbye and explain so that you don't go out to the field worrying about me. (Dad fought for that one). They said once I'm eighteen and an adult they don't have a say, but they said until then, no contact.

  


**_Garrus Vakarian_ ** **: Message Sent**

 **01:29am** \- Well, at least thank your father for that. How far away is your birthday?

  
  


**_New Message from:_ ** **_Amelia Shepard_ **

**01:30am** \- April 11th. Only...eight-ish months. :(

  


**_Garrus Vakarian_ ** **: Message Sent**

 **01:33am** \- I don't know how responsive I'd be, anyway. I can't tell you where I'm going, but I know, no matter what, I'll be looking for a message at midnight on April 11th.

 

 **_New Message from:_ ** **_Amelia Shepard_ **

**01:35am** \- It's a date.

 **01:42am** \- Okay, last message. Des' mom said this is last call. I know it's kind of stupid to say, but please try and be safe, Blue. I miss you already.

  


**_Garrus Vakarian_ ** **: Message Sent**

 **01:43am** \- Me stay safe? I'll do my best. You, however, Amelia have a penchant for trouble. Try your best to act against that tendency and make sure I have a reason to come back here as soon as I'm able. This was an amazing two days getting to know you, no matter what the cost. Until we meet again, I'll be missing you, too.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As if it could read my mind the ground below me trembled and started to shift. I scrambled backwards in the worst crab walk I had done in my military career as the dirt near my feet began to fall into itself widening the divot. Then it rose like a serpent from the sea.

* * *

 

“Good job scouting out, Shepard,” Chief Lewis's large hand slammed down on my shoulder in a seldom seen display of an atta-boy causing my newly shortened chin length hair to sway. He was a gruff, usually stoic man. Any and all praise from him was to be treasured.

“Thank you, sir,” I gave him a small nod of acknowledgment and an equally as small smile. Inside I was beaming. Enough praise from Lewis and you were guaranteed an invitation to N-School. I myself had just made Chief, but I still looked up to Lewis. He'd been at this a long time and had passed up promotions to stay with his men and his platoon. He preferred to teach his men to be better than him and to go on and do great things instead of taking the accolades for himself.

I hunkered back down and continued my report. It was going to be a long one. Today had to have been my weirdest day on the job, yet.

Two days ago Admiral Hackett had sent word to our platoon leader that he needed us to go check out a settlement gone silent on Akuze. Everything had been going well for the soon-to-be colony. They had just landed their colony ship planetside only two months before, and had been working on clearing out space to build structures in the middle of the dense forest. Progress, from what I'd read had been slow due to the intensely fast growth rate of the foliage, primarily the vines that made traversing the forests harrowing. It grew a foot a day, and from research the botanists had sent back was very similar to kudzu on Earth.

Two weeks ago, the settlement had gone silent. No reports sent back home, no calls for assistance just dead air when the researcher's contacts had tried to get a hold of some data that was late. The researcher had reported the suspicious silence to the Alliance, but nothing had been done until the trade ship had arrived to pick up a shipment of indigenous fruits in exchange for lumber had spotted what looked to be dismembered Human parts scattered about the labyrinth of a camp.

That's when word finally got to Hackett who decided to discreetly send in a team of fifty marines planet side to figure out where everyone had gone, and to recover the ship's black box to see if any distress calls had been made, but not relayed to the comm buoy.

Chief Lewis had decided to send in myself, and six others in first to get a lay of the land and see if we needed to send in the rest of the platoon in loud or quiet. This was my first mission since I had gained rank, and it was interesting to now be leading people I had been side-by-side in the shit with for years.

It was my prerogative on who to bring, so by my way of thinking I thought having as many first aid certified specialists was a great idea. Everyone in the Alliance had some sort of first aid training, but these six people I brought had done the extra work to get more education about the topic on top of their general MOS's.

Landon Cam and Andrey Elman were the only two assault troopers I took that didn't have any other specialization—they were just damn good at their jobs. When the chips were down, as I had learned in the past, they were the ones you wanted watching your six. Landon was dark skinned and had that thunderous laugh that made you forget, even if just for a second, that you were out in the shit. Andrey on the other hand was more quiet, but had a goofy personality when on down time that usually got Landon going. Even on assignment the complemented each other well as they had come this far from the same Basic together—they'd been together fighting for the Alliance for four years at this point, and I'd been with them for three of those years. They were family in the truest sense of the word.

Joslin Wedgewood was my next pick. She like Cam and Elman was assault, but she was also a decently powerful biotic. She had gotten the L2 implant at puberty. It had helped her learn how to use her power with massive damage output-almost rivaling an Asari. However by the time she was ready to head into the Alliance, the medical staff noticed that the implant was having more negative impacts than thought. She was exhibiting extreme paranoia and believed that they were trying to attack her, and not help her. At that point it didn't seem like her career with the Alliance would happen, but in a moment of lucidity, she asked for an L3 upgrade, no matter what the risks. The doctors finally relented, and were able to upgrade her without any major issues. The only quirk is the residual hyper awareness she had from before. The upgrade lessened her power, but stabilized her mind, and cost her two years in the Alliance to recover before she finally could join the fight.

Chelsea Thatcher was an assault trooper that was in the process of switching to the medic MOS, so I brought her along so she could get more experience in under her tutor Scottie Denier. Chels had decided that after five years of killing, that she'd prefer to save lives instead of end them. If anyone could teach her how to be a first class medic, it was Scottie. He was a gruff man, very quiet but when he spoke you know he had thought carefully about what he was going to say. His aim was to have as immaculate a track record as you could as a military medic, and he was pretty on par with that so far. Out of the one hundred and thirteen people he'd worked on, he'd only lost ten—and those were under the most extreme conditions. Scottie was a pro at finding ways to make tourniquets, finding safe items in the surrounding area to plug bullet holes—you name it, at some point he'd tried a theory out on some poor unsuspecting enemy that Scottie would begrudgingly patch up.

The last member I had brought was Eddie Abbot, our bombs expert. Eddie was a twitchy fucker that never ever sat still. His leg was constantly bouncing, or he was turning a twenty sided die when he wasn't actively defusing an explosive—as soon as it was go time, though, he was the steadiest man you could find. Eddie had a photographic memory and spent a lot of his transit time looking through bomb schematics to memorize how they were put together so he knew of the safest ways to take them apart.

My team was brilliant, and at some point in our paths crossing all of them had expressed a wish to go to N-School like myself. Some were a bit closer to the dream than others, but solving the mystery of a vanishing settlement would give us all a big jump.

The trip from the LZ two miles away had taken longer than expected. The jungle on Akuze was dense and unforgiving. The smallest trees had drunks a foot in diameter, and the larger ones rivaled the redwood forests back on Earth. The gargantuan ferns and rope like fines filled in what empty space there would have been and made moving forward slow going. We all had our omni-blades out to cut out our paths to the settlement, we worked together in a line, and carved a clear path after nearly three hours.

Once I could see cargo containers and con-exes in in front of me. I halted the rest of my team. “Alright guys, main objective is to hopefully find and treat any survivors. Second is to mark anything of interest so that the others know what to look out for—got it?”

A chorus of 'Aye-Aye, Chief' rippled down the line. I drew my Lancer signaling for the others to draw their weapons as well.

The clearing we had made our way to was littered with lumber and sheet metal for structures that never had the chance to be built. The heavy rains on Akuze along with the heat had already started to rust the edges of some of the sheets. The dark soil looked like potting mix—fluffy and untraveled, which seemed odd for a planet that was so wet. As I continued to scour the ground I noticed random clods spattered about about ten feet into the clearing.

“Chels, Scottie—check that out,” I pointed out the patterns of crust like ribbons and droplets. Scottie nodded and started forward. Chelsea was close behind him to his left, and Cam had moved up behind hers to cover her just in case we were being watched. To Scottie's right, Eddie and I moved up, looking further ahead for more anomalies while Andrey brought up the rear.

Chels had just started to kneel down to check out the clods when Scottie spoke:

“Don't bother. It's definitely blood. You can tell by the splatter.” He knocked her shoulder with his fist. “What'd I tell you, kid—gotta be quicker than that, lives may depend on it.” Chelsea frowned and rose, shifting her rifle back into an easy carry.

“Place looks wrecked, Chief,” Cam's voice bounced off the greenery surrounding us. “Supply boxes broken, shipments rotting. Smoke coming from the colony ship,” his mouth was set in an unusually grim line. “I don't think we're recovering anyone.”

“Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Cam,” I cautioned and looked toward the hull of the ship the settlers had arrived on. A small barely black wisp of smoke was crawling into the sky from what looked to be the center of the hulk of metal. “Last thing we need is to get lazy and miss someone.” The shine of Cam's bald head glinted as he nodded back at me.

We ventured further into the clearing between the stacks of metal and wood to head into the inhabited part of the settlement. The blood clods became more frequent as we ventured silently in, the only sound being a grunt from one of us when our foots sank into an invisible hole. The tents we had passed were all empty save for the more easily visible traces of blood. One of the tents was on its side with a hole in the bottom—the entire back of it, which now served as the top was coated in dark dried blood like the person inside had exploded.

The tension was high as we moved like heavily armed ghosts through the encampment. There were too many firing alleys along the main drag we were on, and though we were spread out and staggered, none of us wanted to be the one to possibly get shot if whoever had done this was still around.

I was on the outer edge of the group to the right, when I caught a glimpse of blinding white off to the left between a con-ex and a storage crate. I almost thought it was a sun glare until the shape hit me.

_Shoes. Tiny white shoes._

“Stop, I think I found something. Scottie I need you with me on this one,” everyone faced a different direction to give cover, as I guided Scottie to the tiny mound of white I had seen.

I don't know what I expected, but it certainly wasn't what we found. They were children's shoes. One, laces laying limply on the ground, was empty The other only held the leg up to the thigh. It was tipped onto its side in the dirt due to the heaviness of the leg, but that was it.

“Oh god,” I turned away and covered my mouth with the back of my arm through my open visor. My exclamation had peaked curiosity in the others. If they could have said anything about me, I was sure it would have been my impassiveness to almost all situations. There was only one thing that really got me—and it wasn't something I came up against often:

Kids. I couldn't stand seeing kids hurt, or worse. This was definitely on the end of worse.

As much as I just wanted to be done with the mission at this point, there was no way I would get into N-School if I botched this with personal feelings. “Scottie, report.”

“This is amazing Chief. This leg was cut, yeah—but it's clean, and has a perfect curve to it—almost like a giant melon ball-er came along and scooped the kid right up. It's weird.” His voice showed he was clearly marveling at what he was looking at. Against my wishes I imagined him scrutinizing the dismembered leg with a perverse smile on his face at a new discovery.

“Mark it for forensics, we gotta keep moving,” I started back to the group before a whispered ' _what the fuck_ ' stopped me in my tracks. “What is it now, Denier?”

“No blood,” he sounded lost, like he had just woken up in the Wards with no idea who he was or how he got there. “There's no blood here except for the pool under the leg, there's no spatter—nothing to signify any sort of trauma. It's almost like the rest of this kid just ceased to exist!”

Now he sounded disturbed.

“I don't know of any man-made, device, Human or not, that could do this, Chief.” I turned to look back at him, making sure to look just at him and not the morbid finding he had behind him. “I don't know if it's a _who_ that did this or a _what,_ but there's no sign of movement over here, except for the kid's prints. The way the leg fell---it's like the poor kid was just snatched, and boom, fallen leg.”

“I think this is above our pay grade, Chief,” Cam's voice sounded distant due to his facing, but there was no fear in his voice. Just cold hard truth: we needed backup.

“Rodger that, Cam.” I turned from Scottie and stepped further away from the carnage. I pulled up my omni-tool interface and opened an outgoing channel to Chief Lewis. “Sir, Shepard here. We found something weird here, Chief—requesting backup and forensics ASAP.”

“What did you find, Shepard,” Lewis sounded intrigued. He always had a taste for the weird—that's why if there was an issue with a newly settled planet he usually was called in to advise.

I swallowed as quietly as I possibly could while on the open channel and backtracked to where Scottie was. “Opening visual link,” I pressed a couple buttons on my interface to share what I was seeing with the Chief. I knelt down next to my medic and did my best to aim the camera on my helmet at the leg while keeping my vision elsewhere. I pointed to Scottie and motioned for him to tap into the channel so he could explain what we were looking at to the Chief and his thoughts on the matter. As soon as he mentioned the culprit might be a 'what', Lewis cut him off:

“Now lets not get ahead of ourselves, Denier. I do agree the circumstances around this mission just got stranger, but let's not get locked into a monster hunt before we rule out something a little more bipedal.” Consciously I knew the Chief was right. We had to do our due diligence and make sure we exhausted the option of a sentient threat before we combed the planet for a giant man-eating monster that likely didn't exist. “Shepard,” I turned my full attentions back to the voice booming in from my helmet. “I do agree that backup sooner than later would be best—continue on. Mark anything else strange, or of note, and I'll find you when we get there.”

“Aye aye, sir.” As soon as the channel disconnected I sighed loudly.

“What's up, ma'am?” Wedgewood briefly turned to give me a once over before continuing to scan the far side of the main drag for movement.

“We are to continue on mission, and mark anything of note. Calvary is on the way, folks, let's keep at it until they get here.”

A chorus of 'aye aye' later and we were on our way further into the settlement. We were starting to get into the section that was marginally more built than the one we just walked through. There were some foundations spiked into place into the soft black dirt, but tents still reigned supreme in this section. Usually settlements sprouted like weeds, but I knew from hacking my way in here that the plant life seemed to spring back unusually quick. No wonder the colony ship was still on the ground—they needed it for piping, plumbing and electricity that wouldn't be overgrown in a day.

“Chief,” My head snapped up, and I saw Eddie about twenty feet ahead. I had stupidly been watching my feet as holes under the top layer of soft dirt were becoming more and more common. I barely had cast a glance looking for more bodies or parts since we had moved on. We had made it to the colony ship, and the smell of rotting vegetation was getting stronger with every step I made towards Eddie.

“What is it, marine,” I slid my visor down as we neared as had the others before me. It was sickly sweet, and I had a feeling my nose hair was curling from the curdled stench. I found my answer before my stunned bombs expert could formulate a response. The cargo hold at the bottom of the ship was busted though with several twenty foot diameter holes into its belly. Rotting fruits and veggies were spilling out onto the dirt all black pitted and caved in to decay.

“What the fuck,” I whispered as I neared to check out the hole. “Stay alert,” I warned and tapped Eddie to move him forward. I noticed he was spinning a twenty sided die quickly between his thumb and forefinger at a speed he reserved for when he was ready for action. “You okay, soldier?” I looked up at Eddie's usually placid face. His brow was creased with worry and his mouth jutted down sharply.

“You see the metal, Chief?” I followed his gaze back to the jutting spikes of hull, they pointed into the camp accusingly, warning us to stay away. “Something came _out_ of there, and it wasn't no bomb.”

“Are you sure?” Now that I was looking with more scrutiny I could tell he was right about the direction of the impact. Something had burst out of the belly of the ship and out into the camp spilling fruit and meat out onto the ground.

“Hundred percent, Chief,” Eddie pocketed his die and moved forward, squishing the first of many rotted foods under his boots as he went. I checked up on the rest of my team before I followed, no one was having fun anymore on our first mission as a unit. Wedgewood I could tell was having an especially hard time as she tried to keep watch in multiple directions at once. I signaled for Scottie to keep an eye on her before squelching along after Eddie towards the closest hole in the ship.

By the time I got there I had nearly rolled my ankles twice from sliding around on rotting food. Eddie already had his torch out and was shining it into the hold. The steady beam illuminated a good way into the cavernous nearly empty room.

“This isn't right,” I lifted a leg high to avoid the bottom shards of metal and stepped into the hold. Eddie swore under his breath and the ray of light shifted a bit as he followed me in. “They were here for what---three months?”

“Yeah...so where's all the food,” Eddie's breath came out as a white cloud of vapor in the cold of the struggling refrigeration of the hold. We walked in further stepping over destroyed food crates, bins, and turned over meat lockers. The panel lights hanging from the ceiling were cracked and broken, and from what I could see stopped about halfway through the room. We squished along until my boot came down on a hard bit that cracked loudly under my weight. I quickly eased the pressure and stepped back hoping the sound I heard wasn't bone, and found what looked like a piece of the world's largest ostrich egg.

“What the--”

“Fuck,” I finished quietly. I knelt down and picked up the shard of shell. It was at least a quarter of an inch thick, and from the curve at the top of it, would probably have been five feet in diameter. The shell was a rusty brown color with tan speckles, and the inside was crusted like the whites had dried after whatever was in it had hatched.

“We should go,” Eddie was already backing up to leave. I stood and looked at him questioningly.

“Whatever it was it's obviously gone, Abbot,” I followed his gaze, trailing off as I did so. The beam of light now reached to the far wall, furthest from the door to the hold. The place that would be the last to be reached as the supply diminished, the place the lights wouldn't illuminate even if they weren't broken. Along the back wall was a crusty buildup akin to a frosty blue glass that had bits of the giant broken eggs in them. Hundreds of them. Most of the shells were holding onto what I assume used to be a viscous blue slime, and whatever had been gestating in those eggs had busted right out from there to fall on the floor. “Yeah, we _should_ go.” We backed up shuffling our feet slightly trying not to get caught surprise by the rotting squishy landmines under our feet. When the light no longer reached the horror in the back corner, we turned tail and double timed it out of there.

Eddie emerged from the hold before I did due to his long legs. I hopped out after and immediately opened a channel to Lewis.

“Shepard, back so soon?” He chuckled. “Don't get antsy we're almost there. That path you cut is a bit overgrown again but nothing we can't maintain.” The humor in his voice was making me seriously angry. I had no idea what was in those eggs but I really didn't want to find out where they'd gone, and the last thing in the galaxy I was up for was a monster crawl through a now defunct colony ship.

“Sir, we found evidence of creatures. Massive ones. A mature one must have gotten into the food hold some how and laid about four hundred massive eggs in the back corner. They hatched sir and from the look of the cargo hold, they ate fast and busted their way out soon after. I think we are on a monster hunt.” The rest of my team paused at my words and side eyed the giant chunk of shell still in my hand. They looked about as excited for this discovery as I felt.

”Hoo boy,” Lewis sounded more excited still. “It's a good day when you don't have to run after something with opposable thumbs, am I right, Shepard?” The com crackled and muffled as he addressed the rest of the platoon, I'm assuming to get them to move quicker and update them on the situation. I pushed mute on my end to address my guys:

“Chief Lewis is excited, guys. We might be here a while while we figure this out.” Groans of dissent rose around me. I felt the same way. This was not something I wanted to be doing anymore. This creature, whatever it was, was probably here first and felt threatened. However, knowing the favorable climate of Akuze, I knew that Alliance brass would want us to try and exterminate any threats so colonization could continue.

The com crackled again: “Shepard!”

“Yes sir,” I quickly un-muted my side and tried to sound less frazzled than I felt.

“We're moving double time—be there, soon. Don't think this has anything to do with rescue anymore.”

“Aye aye, sir. We'll start setting up a clear area for command, and figure out how to wedge more soldiers into this area—place is wrecked.”

“Good idea, marine. Lewis, out.”

By the time we were done removing vines from a couple torn tents and moving those aside for the set up for the command tent the rest of the platoon was marching into camp. They were having about as much trouble as we had with finding holes at random in the soft earth.

Chief Lewis marched up to me as a few of his personal men began driving down the poles for the tarp of the command tent. His graying hair blew slightly in the breeze despite its short length, and his mustache twitched as he prepared to speak.

“Any new developments, Shepard?” He looked past me at the holes in the hull and his eyes widened ever so slightly. “Wow—you weren't kidding.”

“An entire settlement is missing and presumed dead, Chief, its not the time for jokes.” I frowned and cast a furtive glance at the wide openings. All I could think of was the cracked and crusty empty nest at the back of the room. _Where did they go?_ That's what bothered me the most—if I knew where the creatures were, I could dispatch them no problem. However, they, much like the settlers were MIA and I felt like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“Quite right,” he nodded and brought his attentions back to me. “My apologies. I took a look at what was left of that child on the way in. I'm sure finding it wasn't easy for you or your team.”

“No, sir. It wasn't. To be honest, sir, walking through this ghost town just the seven of us...finding all this the way it is. My men are unnerved.” I wasn't going to admit to my mentor that I was unnerved as well.

Lewis' mustache wiggled for a moment while he put himself in our shoes. It was a tactic he told me about right after my promotion. If you can put yourself in your men's shoes, and come to the same conclusion—never give them flack for it. After a moment he nodded. “Understandable. Go be with your men, and when command is finished with set up I want to get that paperwork out of the way. It's going to be dark soon, and I'm not sending anyone into that ship without some daylight to come back to.” Lewis paused again. “I want you leading the search in the ship tomorrow, Shepard. You earned it. Take it easy for the night, and be ready at six o'clock for chow and then you're going in.”

“Aye aye, sir.” I nodded at him and left to go find my men.

* * *

 

It was eight o'clock and the sun had disappeared around the horizon. The jungle around us was dark, foreboding and seemed hungry.

I had just gotten back from where my bed roll was and I felt so much lighter having stripped off all my weapons for the night. My report detailing todays events was done, and I was feeling better after my congratulations from Lewis.

As I approached my unit they all made moves to stand and salute. I put my hands up to ward them off. “At ease.” I moved about the camp fire and took a seat next to Cam. The others were spread evenly around the circumference of the small fire pit that had been lit only a couple hours earlier. It was easier to be here now with forty three other marines wandering around finishing camp set up and posting guard for night watch. Tensions had eased somewhat, but none of us felt good about setting up tents and bedrolls over the settler's supposed graves.

“I mean I'm into morbid shit,” Scottie marveled as a pair of marines walked by dragging bags of bedrolls. “But who knows where they went—or where they died. I don't feel right about sleeping on the blood of a child.”

“Same here,” Eddie's tone was sour, “they act like we did some great thing by walking through, getting the shit scared out of us and calling for mommy. 'Here! Take the spot right by the weird creature egg clutch! Have some night terrors!' Fuck's sake.” He tossed another branch into the fire and sparks flew up into the darkness.

“You might have discovered a new species,” I tried to play devil's advocate. “Man-eating or not, we still have no idea what this thing is. If it hasn't been seen before, there's a good chance they'd name it after you. That's...cool, I guess.”

“Yeah, Abbot's Abomination. Great. Snacks on unsuspecting children, and drinks the tears of their grieving parents,” he snapped.

I lifted my hands in surrender. “Point taken, Eddie. Christ. Just trying to find a silver lining around this shit heap. We're stuck here until Lewis has his fill, so we might want to do what we can to not be completely miserable.” I didn't have the heart to tell them that we were leading the search of the ship. That news could wait until morning.

“The whole reason we came here is the definition of 'bad', Chief. No getting better when that's your baseline.”

“Noted,” I frowned as I stared at the flickering flames. It was quiet times like this when I had nothing else to occupy my mind that I wondered about Garrus. I hadn't spoken to him once since that last string of messages on the night he nearly killed Aaryx.

I had kept my end of the bargain and had sent him a message at midnight on my eighteenth birthday. I hadn't gotten a response. I waited thinking that he might have been on an important mission and was unable to respond—but after another three months, my hope that I would ever see his name pop up in my inbox was gone.

The night I finished basic and was able to communicate freely, I sent him one last message:

  


_**Amelia Shepard: Sent** _

**12:33am-** So I guess you're busy, or you realized that I'm not worth the trouble. I'm tired of getting an incoming message and hoping it's you. I don't want to sit and wait for a response any longer than I already have. If I see you, I see you—and I'm cool with catching up. But don't contact me here anymore. I can't keep waiting on you. I hope you're okay, Blue. Be safe. After this, if you do want to meet, whatever nights I'm on the Citadel I'll be in Flux.

  


If he read it, I guess I'll never know. I've been to the Citadel on shore leave four times since I joined the Alliance, and I always spent every night at the bar waiting. Thankfully I always had someone to talk to, wether it be some random dude I let take me home, or Nari if she was still working. She herself had lost touch with Pabus years back, and had moved on with a new guy. Turian, C-Sec officer, and very, very good to her.

“Somewhere better than here, Chief?” Wedge laughed. I blinked a few times to combat the dryness that had crept in during my trip down memory lane and smiled.

“Naw, just wondering if anyone's dug a burn barrel, yet,” I gathered my legs under myself, and used Cam's beefy shoulder to hoist myself of the ground. “I got egg omelet. This won't be pretty.”

“Godspeed, Chief,” Andrey's overly serious tone sent a round of laughter around the fire.

I wandered the perimeter of camp for a while asking if anyone had taken up the grueling task of setting up a burn barrel. It was a hole big enough for a fifty gallon drum to be dropped in and used as a latrine. To keep things sanitary it was burned when we tore camp down. No one liked to dig the shit-pit, but it was regulation to keep all our mess as contained as possible.

After wandering for about ten minutes, there was no sign of any burn barrels having been excavated. “Fucking hell,” I grabbed a shovel and one of the unused barrels and began rolling it away from camp.

 _If my dad could see me, now_ , I grimaced as the heavy steel drum sank into the increasingly soft dirt. _His daughter finally got through NCO training and she's digging the shit pit._ Though I guessed that's what would have made dad proud. Though it wasn't my responsibility and was way below my pay grade, I took it upon myself to dig the latrine. I didn't put on airs that I was better than those of lower rank.

Once I got about twenty yards outside the camp I found a spot that wasn't completely visible from where I had just come from and let the barrel drop to its side. The thunk was muffled due to the powdery earth. The beam of my flashlight clicked on so I could scan for the best place to start to dig. I knew it wasn't going to be smooth sailing all the way down, otherwise we all would have sunk into the ground by now, but I wanted to get through the fluffy upper layer and down to brass tacks as soon as possible.

As the light passed a few feet from the edge of a tree, I noticed a dip in the dirt. It was wider than the barrel, and looked to go down about six inches in the center from where the rest of the ground was. “Perfect,” I grinned to myself, and let the flashlight rest pointing at the hole from the side of the fifty gallon drum. I moved to the edge of the wide pock in the ground and readied my shovel for the first dig into the earth.

I spiked the sharp wedge down and the blade disappeared up to the handle before I felt something solid, and heard a loud gurgling screech from below. I pulled back on the handle quickly and felt a great resistance before the shovel came loose. I ended up falling on my ass, spade in hand. From the beam of light I could see smoke rising from the metal end of the shovel and there was a smell worse than the rot of the cargo hold.

_Oh god, what did I hit?_

As if it could read my mind the ground below me trembled and started to shift. I scrambled backwards in the worst crab walk I had done in my military career as the dirt near my feet began to fall into itself widening the divot. Then it rose like a serpent from the sea.

“THRESHER MAW!” I screamed as I clambered backwards. It screeched back at me, neon liquid blue oozing from its side about five feet below the bulb that was its head. The two antennae like appendages above its gaping mouth thrashed, as if to beckon me towards its glowing blue tongue.

This Maw was a _lot_ smaller than ones I'd seen in vids, those ones were at least thirty feet—and that was just what came out of the ground. This one was only ten feet out of the dirt, tiny in comparison but still large enough to take down a Human.

Echoes of yelling back in the direction of camp made it to my ears. There was a chain of 'grab your weapons!' 'Thresher Maw sighted!' bouncing around, but none of it seemed close enough to relieve me any. Only a moment had passed as the Maw locked onto me and arched back.

It was said that Thresher Maws can choose to spit acid that can dissolve your armor in a matter of minutes. When Humanity had stepped onto the galactic scene, part of the Krogan's “welcome package” was information on different monsters they had fought. Unfortunately, due to the Krogan not being the best at research, most of the data files were small and didn't have a lot of vital information such as breeding habits.

It had hit me in the midst of my backpedaling that the hatched eggs in the cargo hold of the colony ship were probably Thresher Maw eggs, and the hold which should have been filled nearly to the brim with food for the settlers, had been consumed by hundreds of baby Maws until they had been old enough and strong enough to break out.

By the timeline of when the settlement went silent that would put Thresher Maws at an unprecedented growth rate. Out of however many made it out of the hold, who knows how many were still around under the topsoil.

The Maw in front of me lurched back, its antennae folded in, and it's tongue retracted. Never having faced a Thresher in the flesh, I could only assume whatever it was getting ready to do would be bad—and I probably should get my ass in gear.

In one swift movement I kicked over my right side, spun and took off at a dead sprint back to the camp. An extended trumpet like screech from behind me only served to hasten my pace. The ground behind me rumbled, and I made the mistake of looking behind me as I ran:

The juvenile Thresher Maw was pushing its way through the ground like a hot knife through butter. The aerated topsoil moved out of the way compliantly as the giant fanged worm barreled towards me. I faced front and noticed the soil about ten paces before me was beginning to make way for a second Maw. I deviated left, jumped, and rolled across a stack of sheet metal onto the other side right as I saw the second Thresher breakthrough to fresh air emitting another louder scream.

That scream from the second Maw was the opening note to a cacophony—all around the camp before me, heads and pincers of juvenile Thresher Maws were springing from the ground. The most of the platoon was caught off guard. A few that were closer to me, that had heard my warning were still charging past to go fight the two that I had run from, but the others that were still completely unaware due to distance, or had already bunked for the night. I saw one of the girls from my old unit fly into the air, her signature long blonde pony tail fanning out into the night sky as a Thresher burst out from beneath her bed roll.

I headed for my bunk feeling stupid for letting my guard down when this place gave my whole team such a bad feeling, and naked without my firepower. I dodged and wove through the bullets, the grenades and my fellow marines on the way. From within my field of vision, all I could see was shit going to hell in a handbasket. I guess if you looked at it in a morbid way, the juvenile Threshers looked as if they were playing. They had begun to leap in and out of the earth across the camp, taking out my fellow soldiers along the way.

I felt a pop in my arm as the soft suit under my bicep plate tore. A tungsten round pierced my flesh right above the elbow causing my arm below to flop wildly as I lost control of it due to the hot flash of pain. I gritted my teeth and continued on, narrowly missing a stream of neon blue acid. A gurgling scream from behind told me that someone else wasn't so lucky.

Yells of battle were quickly turning into screams of terror. Our guns, though effective in most situations seemed to only annoy the Maws. I had only seen two dead thus far, and it seemed from my brief glance that one was only due to the Thresher being unlucky enough to have misjudged a jump only to land in one of the fire pits. My ears were ringing constantly—all my protective gear was stowed on top of my bed roll which was still sixty feet away from me near the hull of the colony ship not too far from the fire where I had left my team.

“Cam!” I yelled, “Wedge, Abbot,” my calls for my team were swallowed by the surrounding din. A Thresher sailed over me on its way back into the black earth which was now a minefield of holes. Soldiers left and right were flailing as they stepped into the cavernous pits which perfectly matched the dark of the soil, too busy looking up to shoot instead of watching where their feet were placed.

 _That'll be you soon_ , the unsavory thought pushed its way into my consciousness. _You're going to die on this rock._

Forty feet.

The screeching of the Maws was beginning to hurt. It was a constant since the second one had cued the chorus, all in varying pitches and tones. It was brain rattling. One marine got it full blast from behind, and I think I damn near saw his ear drums burst out of his head. He dropped to the ground, equilibrium lost and was quickly grabbed by the Maw's antennae and pulled down into the dirt.

“Denier! Thatcher! Elman!” I called for the rest of my team allowing my gaze to shift away from its position down field and over to where they had been seated at the campfire.

_Empty._

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, shit,” I spat, and juked around a severed torso of a fellow marine. The only part left was from the gut down, and the forearms. I wretched at the sight. These were my brothers in arms, and they were being slaughtered by beasts that easily killed Krogan on a bad day.

_You don't stand a chance._

Twenty feet.

The Thresher Maws weren't slowing down their assault. It had maybe, _maybe_ been five minutes, but if you'd ever been in battle you know that adrenaline only gets you so far. Eventually you stop producing it, and you slow down—you get sloppy. Scared and sloppy don't make a good mix, especially when you're facing a monster that Humankind had yet to deal with. It's like being a five year old going up against the boogey man.

I was getting slower. My legs burned, and the smoke from grenades was causing my eyes to tear up. My vision blurred and I nearly ran into a marine with their back turned to me shooting off at a Maw that was sucking another one of us up like a wet noodle.

The screams seemed louder now that there were less of them. There was more of a clear shot to my bedroll and I could see the glare of the fire nearby off of my helmet that laid neatly on my pack. _Once I get there I’ll be okay. Once I get there I can help._

I was beginning to feel more than just numbness in my hurt arm. I was feeling pain which meant my adrenaline was almost out of my system. I knew if I could find Scottie, or his pack that he had artificial adrenaline pens that you just stabbed into your leg for an extra boost. I knew for a fact that we were all bunked in a line, it was just a matter of seeing if he or his pack was nearby.

Five feet.

The soft earth enveloped my hands as I dove across my self imposed finish line. I recovered them from the soil and scrambled for my ear pieces, and popped them into place. There was instant chatter from both our ship waiting in orbit and the few marines left down planetside. Heavy casualties. Full retreat. Pickup requested.

 _Good, that saves me time_.

I looked around me while I groped for my rifle. The ground was littered with the bodies of my fallen brothers and sisters in varying states of dissection either by acid, or by the bites of the Maws. A few of us were still up and in the fight, and those that were had taken to grouping up to fire upon one Thresher at a time to take it down. From what I could see behind me, there were six dead now. Better, but not nearly enough to call it a win.

A smooth familiar cold beneath my hand signaled that I had found my rifle. I brought it close to me like I was hugging a dear friend and changed the direction I was facing towards where I knew my team had set up their beds. My gaze traveled further out and I finally found Scottie’s bunk, his pack still lying neatly at the head as his makeshift pillow. I saw the familiar yellow adrenaline pens clipped to the rigging on the outside and nearly cried.

_Maybe I can make it._

My knees ached as they straightened. I launched myself forward despite my sore body and made sure to keep high steps to not get tangled in the pads and old wool blankets. Most of them had holes from being used in the field repeatedly and the last thing that I needed was to twist an ankle from being careless.

I reached Scottie’s bunk a moment later after dodging a dismembered arm that a nearby Maw that had popped up coughed out of its gullet. I could hear the flesh sizzling as It passed, narrowly getting me in my helmet. Having one of those fuckers that close meant there was no time to stop. As I passed I leaned to the side and unhooked a single adrenaline pen before hooking left toward the fire I had left my team at only a short time ago.

 _I hope they’re alright_. There was no way I’d ever forgive myself if my first mission as Chief was marked by losing my entire team. The ground between the fire and I began to shift, as another Thresher pushed its way from the depths. I had too much momentum to stop at this point, I had two options: roll to the side and move closer to the Maw I’d just avoided, or leap frog this one and hope to land on the other side of the fire.

A Thresher scream from my left made my decision for me. Just as the Maw in front of me broke through to the surface I thrust my rifle across the fire and leapt after it. My grip switched around the adrenaline pen in my right hand to free a finger to bring up my omni-blade.

The Thresher Maw was rising quicker than I had expected, and I hadn’t made an allowance for that. From my quick analysis of the situation I’d end up sitting on the beast rather than jumping over. I quickly widened my leg into splits and pointed my omni-blade down between my legs.

_This is going to fucking suck._

_Crack._ My ulna shattered. I had buried my omni-blade to the hilt into the top of the Thresher’s head, and had begun to ride the blade down the Maw’s back causing my arm to bend at an unnatural angle. The Maw and I cried out in unison, and I could feel heat coming from behind me as the unnatural blue innards of the creature spilled onto my backside. _I must have hit an acid sack. Fuck._

I needed to get out of my armor before it got onto my skin. I used my good hand to retract the blade and plopped down onto the earth behind the creature on my knees. I scrambled around the fire on my three good appendages so I had something between the Thresher Maws and I so I had time to take off my armor, the sizzling and heat was growing, so I knew my entire suit was probably screwed.  I felt a dull ‘thud’ from behind me as the Maw I had just gouged dropped. _Yes_ . I took the small victory with a wry smile. There was a sure fire way of killing them. _But you can only do it twice._

Stopping near my rifle on the other side of the fire I began hastily undoing the buckles and clasps that held together the major pieces of my armor--thankfully they were made to stay on, but also had minimal points of contact where buckles were necessary. The interesting part was going to be my under suit. I didn’t trust that something wasn’t going to touch that as I dropped plates of gray and navy hastily onto the dirt. It came off in one piece, and though it was made to stretch, there was no telling if I would have the time.

_Fuck it, better to die fighting than have your leg fall off due to a loogie._

I finished up stripping my armor off and started work on my suit,I started with my good arm first as that was going to take the longest to remove. My elbow was barely free when a long blue tongue snaked its way into my view. I froze. The slimy, oily looking tongue was weaving its way  around the fire testing and poking the dirt, the logs we had been sitting on, anything trying to find its next meal. I followed it back and noticed the Thresher’s usually shining eyes on the side of its head were bleeding and blown out. This one was closer to the ground as it moved, maybe only six feet out of the ground tops. Its body eerily still while its tongue searched for something edible.

I wasn’t sure how well a Thresher’s hearing was, but I couldn’t stop stripping. The chance that the acid could be eating its way through my woven kevlar undersuit was too great. It took all of my willpower to hold in a hiss of pain while I finished freeing my right arm from my suit. As soon as that was done, I worked on my left. My hand had already begun to swell from the break in my ulna. That time I couldn’t not make a noise as my cartoonishly large hand was squeezed by the tight material. I whimpered.

The Maw’s head moved my direction and its tongue followed suit weaving through the air like a shark in water. My had was way too damaged to support the weight of my rifle, and there was no way I would get the same accuracy shooting one handed. I couldn’t even use my omni-blade because that arm was broken. The only option I had left was to run.

I stumbled back to my feet and shuffled backward, the upper part of my soft suit dangled limply around my waist. The Maw’s tongue kept coming. Eventually, I would hit a tree, or a hole, and I’d be licked to death. That moment came too soon as I felt myself back up against something hard and...cold?

The weight of a hand on my shoulder caused a wave of mild relief to wash over me, but it wasn’t enough to combat the growing fear of the tongue that was following my every move. A large muscled arm extended over my shoulder pointing a red executioner pistol right at where the tongue disappeared into the Maw’s throat.

“After I shoot we run,” Cam’s bass toned whisper came from behind me, I nodded shakily, and popped the cap off of the adrenaline pen with my teeth and pointed the injector area at my arm and pressed the plunger. It felt like getting a battery of flu shots all at once, my arm was on fire, and the fire was spreading fast.

“I’m ready when you are,” I murmured.

_Bang!_

The Maw screeched and withdrew its tongue so quick it was like watching a neon tape measure retracting. I bolted in the direction of the landing zone with Cam hot on my heels. We thundered along the edge of camp weaving in and around the corpses, the ravenous Thresher Maws and the piles of building materials. Aside from the chortles and screams of the Threshers it was dead silent, no more gunshots. I couldn’t quite remember when the sound of battle had ceased, was it before Cam arrived or after?

“LZ better be ready,” I yelled. “Have you seen the others?”

“All gone,” Cam bellowed, juking around the tail of a dead Maw. “Didn’t get the memo until they were on us--didn’t get a chance to grab anything, been looking for you since Andrey went down. Knew you’d still be kickin’!”

Despite the grim nature of our situation I smiled, glad to have someone with me to lean on once we were on the way back home. Cam had always been one of those guys that was there with a shoulder for you when you needed it--and right now, I needed it badly.

We ran in silence for a couple more minutes zig zagging through the camp. The number of juvenile Threshers thinned the further you got from the colony ship, so we were only seeing a few dotted around instead of one every ten feet back behind us. I counted thirty of them on our way back through the camp. A few of them were unmoving, but most were still alive and on the hunt.

We broke through the far edge of the settlement to the clearing where we had seen the first drops of blood in the dirt. There weren’t any Maws in sight. My arm, despite the surge of artificial adrenaline, was throbbing where it was held against my chest, and I was tired of the arms of my half discarded soft suit hitting me in the legs.

“Hold up, Cam,” I slowed near the edge of the clearing and began to use my still functioning arm to shimmy the rest of my way out of my suit.

“I know I saved your ass, Chief, but damn, no need to get nekkid!” Cam snickered as he kept watch for any upcoming threats.

“Hey, already rode a Thresher Maw today, Cam--sorry but you’ll have to wait,” I leaned down, unbuckled my boots and kicked them off so I could finish stripping. “And anyway, I’m not naked.”  I gestured to my navy sports bra and black briefs. “You’ll have to use your imagination.”

“Trust me if I’m imagining anything right now, it’s a peppercorn steak, and a hot shower,” Cam ran a hand over his bald head and sighed heavily.

“I just want a nap….or a coma. A coma would be nice,” I picked up my newly removed suit, wadded it up and tossed it into the partially overgrown path we had taken through the jungle. We had been sending marines back to keep it clear before the attack, but it was almost as if the forest grew as quickly as we cut it down. I bent back down to pick up my boots and noticed that they were shaking. Then I felt the rumble.

“Incoming,” Cam was on high alert, spinning quickly in place looking for the tell-tale signs of a juvenile Thresher. There was no displacement of dirt whatsoever. Just a reverberation under us that made me think that all of the tunneling the Maw’s had done had caused an earthquake. Cam’s pistol was at his side, finger on the trigger just waiting for one of them to rear its ugly head. I was looking at him, about to tell him we should go when the first sprinklings of dirt fell onto the top of my foot. Then, the side of my ankle.

My head whipped around to see the cause, as I backed up past where Cam was standing. The dirt that was being pushed out of place followed me like a black tide. “Cam,” my voice was small, and I didn’t bother trying to feign that I wasn’t terrified.

The twenty-foot wide head of an adult Thresher Maw ascended from the dirt, it's large glowing pseudo eyes on the top of its head cast an eerie glow upon us and the clearing. Its massive head stayed low while the rest of its body rose up behind it looking very similar to a rattlesnake about to strike its prey. _Jesus fucking Christ,_ my jaw dropped at the sheer size of it. The Maw’s segmented pincers dug into the dirt on either side of us digging trenches into the soft earth. I jumped and my bare foot caught a hole causing me to fall onto my ass in the dirt.

“Get up, Chief,” Cam’s voice was calm and steady. He was aiming his executioner pistol at the mouth of the adult Maw, unblinkingly. His wide legged stance and his rolled back shoulders showed power and authority, and here I was trembling and covered in dirt. “Same drill as last time.”

I did as I was told and stood, “gotcha.” My only hope at this point was that this thing was as slow as it was big, but then again, if it was slow, I didn’t see why the Krogan would think of killing it as such a major feat.

“Go,” I ordered. Cam shot again, and the large tungsten round hit the Maw right in the base of the tongue just as he did with the juvenile. The larger Maw only seemed to twitch in response to the bullet wound. Then came the pressure. My head became extremely tight like my sinuses had all filled to capacity at once. My ears felt like they were going to pop, and I had to open my mouth to breathe. I doubled over at the sudden sensory overload and covered my ears, hoping that outside pressure would stop what was going on inside my head.

I could barely make out cam’s muffled screaming through my hands and the pressure in my ears. I pried an eye open and to check on my companion to see if there was anything I could do as whatever the Thresher Maw was doing had stopped. He was on his knees, hands to his ears which were oozing blood.

_Oh god._

My chest was beginning to feel tight, and my anxiety peaked. I gasped for breath as I tried to shuffle closer to Cam who was still screaming incoherently at the ground. _Why didn’t it affect me?_ My ear pieces pressing against the cartilage created a pleasant sensation and eased some of the pressure in my head.

 _My ear pieces._ Cam had said he didn’t have time to grab anything, and since we were off duty for the night there would have been no reason for him to have them in at all. Mine were protecting me from whatever sound waves the Maw was emitting and keeping my eardrums intact.

The pressure was beginning to fade, and I was wondering if it was because the sound was over or if I had eased it myself by applying my own force to my ears. I tentatively removed my hands from the sides of my head and the sensation stayed on a steady decline. Bad news was, Cam’s screaming became clearer.

My knees hit the ground hard as I dropped to do what I could to see to Cam, but as soon as I reached out for him, his head whipped back as he was pulled directly down into the earth, still screaming as he went. I could still hear him for a moment after he disappeared before the only sounds became the clicks and clacks of the Thresher Maw’s communicating.

I was alone.

Quickly I moved my damaged arm to my lap and pressed the button for my omni-blade. It wasn’t going to do much but I could still swing my arm and hopefully cut one of the beasts before it dragged me to hell. I had done enough running from these things. Scanning around me, the juvenile Thresher Maws seemed to dance through the dirt around the large one. It was at that moment that my blade flickered and died.

 _Great_.

Suddenly I was angry. I wasn’t sure if it was because of the adrenaline, losing Cam, or a combination of the two but I hated these things too much to be afraid anymore. I reached out extending my right arm as far as it would go and retrieved Cam’s pistol from the dirt. It was heavier than I expected. The gun clicked as I checked the load out. One bullet. _Hah._ My knees shook as I got to my feet, hunched and sore. A younger one poked up a few feet from me, facing the opposite direction. “Come on, you asshole,” I kicked the loose dirt in its direction pelting it in the back. It turned on the spot and screeched. It was in that moment I accepted that I was ready to die, but I wasn’t going to go out without taking at least one of them with me.

I screamed at it incoherently, trying to drive it to make a move, I didn’t want to delay my death any further while I was feeling emboldened--I didn’t want to die alone _and_ scared. My screams had the opposite effect. All of the Thresher Maws dropped in concert back into the dark black earth, following the one I presumed to be its mother. I wobbled on unsteady feet as she disappeared along with her children, leaving me in the clearing alone and confused.

“Why not me,” I breathed. I had been ready to die a warrior’s death, and now I was left to trudge back to the landing zone on my own and explain how forty-nine marines had been massacred. I would have to go to ceremonies, and plaque dedications and look their families in the eye while they asked themselves the same question I had on repeat in my own mind. _Why not me?_

Exhausted, I dropped back to my knees. The earth was still. No rumbling to be felt in my immediate area and I had figured the Maw’s had had their fun, or their fill--whatever drove them to kill must have been sated. I still had a stranglehold on the pistol. I had one round, one shot, and half a mind just to press the barrel to my temple and squeeze exploding my brains into the near perfect dark.

I don’t know how long I sat there for, but it felt like an eternity. There was no sound coming from the jungle around me, and it hit me that there hadn’t been since we had arrived. As much as the lack of wildlife was jarring it didn’t surprise me. It seemed like the Thresher Maw’s main purpose in life was to kill and anything that touched the ground was fair game.

A quick Tremor from behind me drew my attention. I half turned, and came face to face with one Of the juvenile threshers. Before I even had a chance to move, I felt like I had been fitted with a crown of thorns securely around the top of my head as its circular mouth grabbed ahold of me. Its tongue, trapped in its mouth was swirling around the top of my head tasting my blood and bathing me in saliva. I waited for the burning to start, thinking that the acid would eat me away and I would die quickly, but it didn’t come. Just the pain of serrated teeth scraping against my skull.

My cries of pain were thrown back at me from the trees as they echoed through the clearing, The Maw was clenching and releasing my head gently, as if testing how much pressure would be needed to pop my head like a grape. Each clench was a fraction harder than the last, and I knew that a skull could withstand only so much.

 _I don’t want to die like this_. I didn’t want my parents to have to try and identify me by my locket that I had worn every day since I had first moved to the Citadel when I was seventeen. I didn’t want Akuze to become my resting place, and I didn’t want to become just another number on the death toll. As much as I dreaded looking into the eyes of my fellow marine’s families, someone needed to be there to tell the story of what happened here--they deserved at least that much.

I did the only thing I could think of to do. The only thing I had seen make a Thresher retreat. The next time the Thresher Maw released its grip, I jammed the barrel of the executioner pistol to the Maw’s teeth and let it slide into the recess between two of the jagged points by my temple and pulled the trigger. The tungsten round cut through the delicate skin on my scalp as it made its way into the back of the Thresher’s throat.

Next thing I knew I was spat out onto the ground, and the Maw was retreating back into the earth with a screech. I scrambled back to my feet and took off into the jungle towards the landing zone, hoping that someone was there. The thorns on the vines below my bare feet pierced my souls thousands of times on my mile sprint through the jungle. The blood from my head wounds ran down my face, bathing my vision in red and stinging my eyes making it hard to see where I was going. Branches of the trees I was barely dodging tore and ripped at my skin as I passed them.

After a few minutes I saw lights in the distance--floodlights. On occasion the lights would dim as solid forms moved past them. _Living people_. Tears joy and relief began to mix with the blood in my eyes. “I’m here!” I called out as loudly as my raw vocal cords would allow. I was moving too quickly to use my omni-tool to find their frequency to let them know I was on the way, and I didn’t trust this planet not to swallow me whole if I slowed down.

“I’m here!” I screamed again, and was soon after blinded by the beam of a military torch. I brought my good arm up to block the light so I could still maneuver through the last of the forest before the clearing for the landing zone. I could hear shouts of ‘survivor’ and ‘get the fucking medic off his ass’. I dodged one final tree and stumbled broken and bleeding into the nearest person. I needed contact--I needed proof that someone was there. I gripped onto the hard armor of the nearest marine and let my tears fall with abandon, uncaring of procedure of military protocol.

“I’m here,” I croaked more to myself than to the nameless man I was clinging to.

I had made it. I was going home.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The corner of the Human female's mouth twitched up as she brought a black, red and white striped arm up to push the length of her hair out of her face, as she did, the darkness painted onto her eyes showed, and for a fraction of a second I could swear she looked right across the bar and into my own eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! So, long time no write, huh? There are a few reasons for that:
> 
> 1\. I was burnt out. I posted and wrote A LOT in the beginning and just didn't have any juice left to continue.  
> 2\. I felt like I wrote myself into a corner and was doing many hours of mental gymnastics to get out of it...(I think I succeeded).   
> 3\. I had a major depressive episode in which I couldn't do *anything*. I wanted to, but I just didn't have the energy to write/do anything but sleep. 
> 
> Thanks to some new meds, I'm feeling a bit better and hope to continue posting when I can. I have some of chapter 9 done as well, so that should be up soon, but I'm still trying to figure out where this is going. (Do I want to undertake a timeline fic, or bring it somewhere else?)
> 
> Thanks for reading, as always!

_** Saved Message:  ** _ _ ** Amelia Shepard ** _

** 12:33am-  ** So I guess you're busy, or you realized that I'm not worth the trouble. I'm tired of getting an incoming message and hoping it's you. I don't want to sit and wait for a response any longer than I already have. If I see you, I see you—and I'm cool with catching up. But don't contact me here anymore. I can't keep waiting on you. I hope you're okay, Blue. Be safe. After this, if you do want to meet, whatever nights I'm on the Citadel I'll be in Flux.

  
  


_ Fuck _ . I stared at the last message Amelia had sent me for the umpteenth time and inwardly groaned. It was a healed wound, but it still stung a bit every time I re-read it.

 

I hadn’t forgotten our conversation the last night we had spoken, and I had burned the date of her birthday into my mind so I wouldn’t forget. April 11th. April 11th. April 11th. Unfortunately my squad and I were just as busy after shore leave as we had been beforehand, and I was in the field and unable to respond for her birthday. I knew she was there though--the buzzing in my arm was a constant distraction as I laid flat on my stomach trying to spot the target we were after so Kaetus could take his shot. He didn’t show, though--that Batarian was a sneaky son-of-a-bitch and made it off planet without us so much as getting more than a glimpse. 

 

We had followed him across that system from planet to planet for six months. We were told to keep com chatter silent so I couldn’t open a line to Amelia or even look at the message without possibly giving away our position. It was pure torture, that vibration. One buzz every five seconds. Day and night, no matter what I was doing.

 

My only salvation was that I wasn’t the only one going through it. The rest of the guys all had loved ones trying to reach them as well. Eventually, the buzz became a part of you. We all stopped flinching whenever our automated reminder kicked in, and after the first few weeks no one even talked about wanting to read them anymore. It made it too hard to deal with.

 

I finally got a chance to open that message six months and two days after it was sent--as soon as we had left Batarian space. That first line damn near killed me. _She thinks she’s too much trouble?_ She was damn worth that beating I gave that Human, I had typed out an entire response and nearly sent it before I realized there were four more lines to read. 

 

_Don’t contact me here anymore?_ _Shit_. It was a breakup message and we hadn’t ever truly been together. I punched the wall next to my bunk. There was no way this was happening. How was I supposed to make sure she was safe if I couldn’t contact her?

 

The last sentence revealed all. She didn’t want to be waiting to respond to a vibrating arm while she was off achieving her dream of making it into the Alliance. She wanted to focus and have a clear head without the constant nagging of ‘where is he’ in the back of her mind no matter if she was in chow or on the battlefield. She was smart, and ambitious, and there was no way I was holding that against her. She needed to be mentally clear if I was going to adhere to the last part of the message and get lucky enough to catch her in Flux.

 

That was where I was headed to, soon. It had become a place of habit for me over the past decade of shore leaves. I had bought a new tunic--a rich blue with black and white accents and piping. I was fastening the clasps on the front when Kaetus walked out from our shared bathroom.

 

“ You’re still ugly,” he chortled, eyeing my new outfit as he passed. “No girl’s going to fall for that.”

 

“ I’ve done more with less,” I rolled my eyes. After accompanying me on three shore leaves to sit in Flux and wait for Amelia he said he wouldn’t join me anymore. It had been ten years since I’d seen her, and he held no hope that I’d run into her again with two different military schedules. I didn’t blame him for wanting to sit in the room and relax.

 

“ Just promise me you won’t get stuck in a shame spiral again. You did better the last few times, just don’t want you to relapse. You turned into the biggest bitch for like a week after.” He flopped onto his bed unceremoniously and looked at me with what I could only describe as pity. 

 

“ Fuck off, Kaetus,” I grumbled. He was right though--I completely lost track of my emotions a little bit after a few of my unsuccessful visits to Flux that culminated in my needing to take a beating in the sparring ring as soon as we were back on the ship. That was a few years ago, though.

 

I had finally come to terms with the fact that the chance of seeing her was slim to none. Even if I did see her, I couldn’t bring myself to hope that she would be waiting for me in turn. My visits to Flux while on shore leave were more of a habit than anything else. I go in, check with Bannaria if she’s there, and drink myself to an early grave.

 

I wandered over to the mirror and did one last once over. I’d gained a couple smaller scars and chinks on my plates, and my fringe plate had never quite gone back into place after it had healed, and sat askew to all the others. I liked it though, the clash between my slightly marred appearance and the sharpness of my new tunic. 

 

“ I don’t know why you don’t just let her go,” Kaetus muttered from across the room. “You’re not going to see her, Vakarian. If she’s in the Alliance she’s going to be just as busy as we are.” His sub vocalizations reeked of indignation.

 

“ Alright mom, I get it,” I growled. “I’m just going for a few drinks.” 

 

“ You’ve got enough ghosts to deal with, Vakarian. Just don’t want you walking into the line of fire is all.”

 

_ Shit _ , my head drooped slightly.  _ Amtus. _

 

Over the years most of us were still together. A couple had moved to a different unit, and we had lost Amtus Albadas a couple years back when taking down a Batarian pirate colony in the Terminus Systems. He’d taken a shotgun to the chest when he was caught off guard having not cleared a room entirely. That had hit the squad hard. One stupid little mistake and we had lost a brother. None of us had quite recovered from that even now, and Nihlus had made sure we had all sat with a grief counselor and talked it through to make sure we were good to go before he sent us out again. It had been an invaluable resource--one that wasn’t too common for the Hierarchy, but Nihlus gets what he wants. 

 

We were a tighter group after that.

 

Then we had also lost Nihlus to the Specters. There was a couple missions after we lost Amtus, the highly praised Specter Saren Arterius had come along to watch us work, and even suggested Nihlus hit the ground with us. It was pretty easy to tell that Saren was checking to see if Nihlus would be worth the effort to train. I guess whatever he saw Nihlus do was good enough because soon after he was giving us his goodbyes. 

 

After Nihlus left, Pabus took control of the group. Paulter Caepmius, his second in command liked being in charge in the field, not from the safety of a tent or a ship. Nihlus had agreed with him: ‘ _ stay where you are, make sure you hone that skill--it will always be needed. _ ’ 

 

That left Pabus. To his credit he had calmed down a lot over the years, and we had actually developed some sort of friendship--but that first mission taking orders from Pabus was terrifying. Thankfully his butting into other’s business from the beginning and his constant question asking made him a great leader and very attentive. He’d even stopped giving me shit for spotting for Kaetus once he came up with us and saw how we worked. He had learned a lot about how to take the lead from Nihlus and it was serving us all well.

 

“Well, I’m out,” I stepped back from the mirror content with how I looked and headed through the small room for the door.

 

“ Vakarian, just don’t do it,” he pleaded.

 

“I’m just going for a drink, Kaetus. I’m not expecting to see her. You’re right, about everything. A decade is too long for whatever we had to survive.” Kaetus’ gaze was piercing and skeptical. 

 

“If you say so. I trust you.” Kaetus ended the conversation by pointedly turning on the television on the opposite side of the room to watch some war vid. 

 

I knew why he was so antsy about the entire situation. He was my best friend and he’d let slip one night while we were drinking that he worried that I couldn’t do my job if I was stuck in the past. His feelings on the matter were as much for my mental health as they were for his physical safety. A few years back he didn’t make such a big deal about it, but  he had recently reconnected with his girlfriend from before we joined the military. They were due to get married once we finished our required term and went on to the next part of our careers. He wanted to be able to head home to her in one piece.

 

I understood. We were out in a little over a year and a half, a lot could happen in that time. I always did my best to reassure him that I’d kept his ass out of the fire this long, and I wasn’t about to stop now, but he always had that look in his eye as if he didn’t quite believe me when I said I wasn’t infatuated with Amelia anymore.

 

_That’s what that was, right? Infatuation?_ I shut the door to my hotel room quietly and headed for the elevator. _It couldn’t have been love, right_?

 

I don’t know if I have ever been in love. I have had a few nights with a few females, and on the rare occasion a second coupling if I found the female interesting enough. Some have tried to pursue a relationship, most recently a female I met at Flux during my previous shore leave. I had spent most every night with her that week. She was nice, witty, and had a biting sense of humor, good looking for a female Turian. Her name was Juvelia Simrian. There were definitely worse candidates to spend my time with.

 

Still, she had become attached and had suggested making things official so that we could start up something a little more serious when my term would end. I denied her saying I needed to keep my head clear in the field. That was never something I liked the idea of--leaving a loved one to worry about you while you’re out in the shit. Nothing romantic about it. It sounded like it would be hell. 

 

Juvelia took it rather well, and more of a ‘until we meet again’. That was fine. Who knows, maybe I’d run into her tonight? That wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world would it? It wasn’t love but it was someone familiar and someone that I knew I got along with.

 

_ How do you even know if you’re in love _ ?

 

That thought always bothered me. Was it really like how you saw in the vids where it describes butterflies in your stomach, and your heart beat quickening? Or is it more like how I saw with my parents--a promise to be there for another person no matter what? Or is it an evolution from one to the other, or an ebb and flow?

 

_You might not ever know_ , the thought popped into the front of my mind before I could stop it. Pabus had gotten word before our shore leave of our next mission, and he wasn’t letting slip where we were going or what we were going to be doing. That wasn’t a good sign. Meant it was serious. He had even made it a point to tell us all to _really_ enjoy ourselves as this next one could take a while.

 

Most of the others were taking the first night off just to sit in and relax, or were taking the time to be with loved ones. Everyone saw the glint in Pabus’ eye when he avoided the questions about our next mission, and everyone knew it was serious.

 

I was the only one headed out. I didn’t have any family on the Citadel, and I didn’t have any loved ones here--as much as I loved my brothers, shore leave was a time where I got a much needed break from being surrounded by soldiers. It was my time to forget, even if just for a little while, that my life isn’t really mine.

 

* * *

 

 

The din of Flux was jarring as ever. The doors ‘whooshed’ open overwhelming my senses with pounding rhythms and complex synthetic notes. The lights did even more to disorient in the circular hallway that opened up into the cavernous main room of the club. Asari looked purple, and humans looked like strange Asari under the strong lighting, and the dancing lasers.

 

As soon as I was able to catch a glimpse I looked to the bar, and by some stroke of luck Bannaria was working. I had seen her on a few occasions over the years. She would be friendly, and give me a couple drinks on the house for my service before shutting down and saying that my ‘relationship’ wasn’t any of her business and she wouldn’t speak of Amelia with me. Something about ‘girl code’. She seemed both saddened and relieved when I had stopped asking a few years back.

 

The short flight of steps between myself and the bar was quickly traversed. I headed over to the end of the bar closest to Bannaria and waved at her to get her attention. Her mandibles fluttered in a sign of happy recognition and ill concealed excitement. She held up one finger for me to give her a moment and unceremoniously took the pour spout out of the brown human liquor she had and handed it to the group of Humans at the other end of the bar. “Now go away,” she smiled at them--which I guess to a Human looked more like her bearing her teeth. They quickly scampered off to the booths, bottle in hand.

 

Bannaria floated over to me, her tunic swaying around her as she did so. She set to work making me a dextro drink while she spoke:

 

“Is it that time of year already?” Her multi-toned voice cut through the blaring music easily. She smiled as she poured a neon purple liquid into an iced glass and slid it gently over the bar top at me.

 

“Guess so. How’ve you been, Nari, still with that C-Sec officer,” the cold of the glass was soothing compared to the wet heat of the bar. My free hand rummaged through my pocket for my credit chit to pay for my first of many drinks of the night.

 

“Yeah, we’re still together. Still working on getting his family’s acceptance, what with my unconventional…-what are you doing, Garrus,” Bannaria’s hand made soft contact with my bicep. My hand stopped moving in my pocket, and I frowned. 

 

“ What--I need to pay.” Her sub-harmonics gave off a rumble of defiance, “I’m not some sad drunk, anymore, Nari. You don’t need to baby me.” The female laughed withdrawing her hand to brace herself on the bar.  _ Oh spirits. _

 

“Baby you? Never,” she tilted her head tilted and shook slowly in a very human manner. “Though I am glad to hear you’re not a sad drunk anymore.”

 

“Best not dwell on a meeting that’s probably never going to happen.” I shrugged. 

 

“Oh really, what a change in tune,” she looked mildly annoyed, but her voice held a bit of amusement in it. “So you wouldn’t be interested in seeing her if the opportunity arose?”

 

“Of course I would,” I answered without hesitation. “I know she’s had a hell of a the past five years.”

 

“So you heard?” Bannaria looked increasingly uncomfortable and busied herself in washing the bar top with a damp rag. I watched as she moved the piece of cloth in wide circular motions, the struggle to keep her face neutral was evident, but her sub vocals, something she couldn’t hide, brimmed with nervousness.

 

I snorted. “Of course I heard,” I took a long pull from my glass, damn near emptying it and set it back down on the bar purposefully in the way of her busywork. “Biggest Maw attack? An entire platoon wiped out save for one? As soon as I heard I had to check and see if….” I trailed off as a rush of old emotions washed over me.

 

I had been lucky enough to not be on a communications ban when word dropped over the news channel that an entire platoon of Alliance marines had been wiped out on Akuze except for a single soldier by a nest of Thresher Maws. I immediately began searching on my omni-tool to see who it was, and prayed that Amelia’s name wasn’t among the list of the dead.

 

Thankfully, she had survived, though the only reports of her condition listed her as ‘critical but stable’. I nearly went insane not messaging her to see how she was doing.  _ She asked you not to, Vakarian. You honor that request _ .

 

“She isn’t the same,” Bannaria leaned in closer as if the toll a situation like that would take on a person was a secret. “She’s not well.”

 

“So you still see her?” Nari nodded. “Often?”

 

“No,” she shook her head. “She comes here when she’s on the Citadel. Other than that, she doesn’t respond to messages anymore. She looks like the walking dead, Garrus. Bags under her eyes, you can tell she doesn’t sleep. Then she comes in here and drinks until she can barely get herself home.”

 

“She hadn’t gone to get help? Does the Alliance not make that mandatory?”

 

Another head shake. “From what she had said, she doesn’t want to look weak in front of her men. She’s worried if the brass knows how bad she really is that they’ll ground her.” The female Turian wrung her hands.

 

_ Dammit, Amelia _ , I frowned. The Hierarchy always did whatever they could to keep you at your best. It was expected for especially bloody combat to leave marks--both visible and not, so there was never any thoughts of shame if you needed someone to talk to to heal those wounds and get back into fighting shape. Was it not like that in the Alliance?

 

After a long few moments, Bannaria cleared her throat and threw the dish rag down below the bar. “Anyway, your drinks are paid for. Not by me if that’s what you’re worried about.”

 

I laughed, but it was a bitter sound. I was still dealing with the news about how Amelia was doing. “Oh really? All of them?” I looked down at the royal purple liquid in my glass. This was top shelf stuff--had to be at least a fifteen credit drink just on its own, and if my previous visits here had been any indication, I’d be having quite a few more of these. 

 

“Yup,” she nodded. “All she asks is that you stop by and say ‘hi’,” my look soured as I scanned for the most likely suspect--another female Turian. Unfortunately my sight and my visor let me down--no female Turians in the vicinity of the bar. _An Asari?_ There were plenty of those, and knowing that Asari like to mate with other species to widen their gene pool I got a bit queasy--no way I was ready for a kid yet.

 

I was about to tell Nari to take the drink back when she pointed over to the booths. At _that_ booth. There was a female human sitting there alone, hunched over her own drink, not paying attention to anything outside the sound dampeners. Her hair was short, and shaved on the sides showing large white raised dotted scars only an inch above her temple. I used my visor to focus more on her face. The longer part of her hair was covering her eyes as it flowed into her face, but her full lips were the most familiar shade of blue. 

 

The corner of the Human female’s mouth twitched up as she brought a black, red and white striped arm up to push the length of her hair out of her face, as she did, the darkness painted onto her eyes showed, and for a fraction of a second I could swear she looked right across the bar and into my own eyes. 

 

“Amelia?” I couldn’t bear to look away from the booth to double check my suspicions by Bannaria’s expression--but from the squeal she emitted, I could only assume I was correct. She looked so different, so much older, and her hair was completely different. That troublesome glint in her eye, however--that couldn’t be changed. “Thanks, Nari,” I gripped my glass and released my chit back into my pocket. I took a deep breath and finally managed to spare a worried glance at Bannaria. 

 

“ She’s been waiting for you, Garrus. Just go. She’s still Amelia in there somewhere, it’ll be alright,” her eyes rolled in her head at my last minute indecision as she slid the bottle of booze at me as well.  _ If you insist _ . My head bobbed in a subtle gesture of appreciation and acknowledgment of her words as I headed off to see Amelia for the first time in a decade.

 

The thirty feet I crossed felt like the longest distance I’ve had to put up with in years. The entire time I moved I was studying her--seeing if I could pick out anything familiar other than her eyes and the blue of her lips. She was wearing a white shirt similar to the one she had been wearing that first night under the baggy black zip up sweatshirt she was wearing. The sweatshirt had two bands of white surrounding a red stripe down the right arm that matched perfectly with the bold N7 logo on her chest. _She did it!_ My swell of pride and excitement for her greatly outweighed my nervousness as I passed the threshold of the sound dampeners. 

 

“ Hey, Blue.” Her voice still sounded the same just more...sure? Her dark painted eyes sparkled up at me from her perch on the edge of the booth, but it was a pale shade from the glimmer they had back when we were kids. 

 

Still, those two words took the wind right out of me. “Amelia.” In this moment I had absolutely no idea how to proceed. I spared the booth a quick look of uncertainty. I heard her tongue click from her side of the cavernous opening:

 

“ Sit down, Garrus, this isn’t our first date,” her tone was joking, but it still held an air of authority. It suited the timbre, and I couldn’t help but let out a small laugh.

 

“ Which date is this then?” I felt immediately more at ease at the mention of our old ‘in-joke’. I took the beat in the conversation to set town my glass and bottle courtesy of Bannaria and slid in opposite of Amelia. 

 

The sharp corners of her painted lips curved upwards slightly. “Well, we've already had coffee, and aggravated assault. I think this is the murder date," I nearly choked on my own spit as her brows rose suggestively while the took a long drink of brown liquor.

 

_ Well the banter is the same _ , I regained my composure quickly and shot back:  “Alright, but it's your turn, I had the last one.” I took a long drink from my own glass before leaning forward over the table. “How are you, Amelia….it’s been--”

 

"A decade? Oh, you know, good points, not so good points."

 

I motioned to the N7 patch emblazoned on her chest with a nod of my head and smiled. “I see you did it. I knew you would.”

 

“ So did I,” one side of her mouth curved up more than the other. I couldn’t help but laugh at her response. It was so...just so Amelia. I was beginning to think that Nari had been overreacting. 

 

Then it got quiet. Real quiet. The only sounds were the faint thumping of the music beyond the sound dampeners. We sat like that for a few moments. Both of us looking at each other, both of us not quite sure where to go next. 

 

Then, she leaned over, copying my position. “It’s good to see you, Garrus.”

 

"Same here, Amelia. I've spent a lot of nights in here the last few years." I lowered my gaze to my drink, and watched the tiny ripples move across the surface of the purple liquid. 

 

“ Me, too, Blue,” her voice was placating. 

 

"I just...I'm not sure what to say at this point," I sat back against the booth, the leather groaning under my weight as I did so.

 

She sighed heavily, "What were you expecting, Garrus? It's been a decade. A lot has happened, too much to go over in one night--too much that, at least for my part, shouldn't be gone into." I knew exactly where this was going. Akuze. Maybe Bannaria was right. I studied her, the little white round scars that poked through the short hair on the sides of her head. The long one that cut through her eyebrow. There was a powerful story there. "Don't--don't look at them, please," my eyes shot directly back to hers. "Those...how I got those are part of what I can't go into...and they're such a big part of the last ten years, such a big part of why I am how I am now..."

 

“ Amelia,” my heart ached. Even as she sat there now, trying to keep it together, I could see the cracks breaking through her mask of pleasantries and letting her weariness show through. 

 

"It's not something I'm ready to share. I can't. I can't go back there, Garrus, not now. I hate to ruin this for you, I hate to have you show up here, and expect the best from me...but all I am is this. I'm scars, and insomnia, and self loathing. I'm not kind, light hearted or beautiful anymore. This is all that's left--and I don't know how to fix me." A small shining tear brimmed in the corner of her right eye, and cut its way down the smoky black paint of her makeup and down her cheek. What's worse, is that as soon as the tear passed the apex of her cheekbone, anger overwhelmed her pain. Her head lowered and she shook her head at herself, silently cursing her show of emotion.

 

"Amelia, you don't need to explain,” I reached out my left hand and held it out, hoping she would take it and find some comfort in an old friend, but she just looked at my hand and then back down to her lap. “I already know about Akuze. You think I wouldn’t check up on you every now and again?”

 

“ You don’t know what really happened. You know what the Alliance put out. It was hell Garrus.” Her arm moved as a hand rose to wipe her nose.

 

“ I know...I mean, I don’t  _ know _ , and hell I don’t even want to imagine what you went through--but I saw the statistics. One survivor, Amelia, and it was you? Spirits you must have some sort of angel on your shoulder.” I watched as her hands gripped the edge of the table at my comment.

 

“ I just….I don’t know why. Why me, Garrus?”

 

“ We’ll never know,” Her eyes closed tightly pushing out a few more tears.  “What you’re feeling is survivor’s guilt, Amelia. It happens when you’ve been in the shit like you have. I have lost one of my team, and it sucks--but to lose all fifty of your platoon? I can’t even begin to understand how much pain, and loss you must be feeling. Wondering why you escaped but no one else did. That's a lot of weight for someone to carry on their own.”

 

“ If I don’t carry this who else will, Garrus. I don’t have anyone.” Amelia snorted and dropped her hands back into her lap.

 

“ I can try, if you’ll let me,” I flexed my hand open a bit trying to get her to place hers in mine. She studied my hand like it was something foreign.  _ Still stubborn, I see _ . “I can’t sympathize, but I can empathize. At the very least I can be a...willing shoulder,” I grinned.

 

“ With your bony ass shoulders? Please Blue, I don’t need another hole in my head.”  _ Ouch _ . I couldn’t help but feel a bit deflated. I wanted to help her, but there was nothing I could do if she wasn’t willing to open up.  _ She really needs someone.  _ Still as soon as the words were out of her mouth a flicker of regret crossed her face. 

 

I was about to retract my hand, feeling a little more vulnerable now that the barbed comment hung between us, but right before I was about to make my move, she slowly slid her right hand across the table and settled her palm in mine. “I don’t know, Blue, I just don’t think I’m ready.”

 

“ Whenever you are then, no pressure.” In an attempt to make her feel better, I used the talon on my thumb to draw small circles on the back of her hand like she used to do on my palm when we were younger. I saw a small flicker of recognition in her eyes, and the briefest of smiles.  “To be fair, though, I don’t think anyone that’s gone through something so horrible is ever really ‘ready’.”

 

“ True,” she sighed. Her eyes began to glaze over while she watched me idly draw patterns on the back of her hand. I could see, even through the haze that she was thinking, always thinking. 

 

“ What?” My head tilted as I watched her.

 

She blinked rapidly a few times, the glaze gone, now, and looked back up at me. “Nothing, I just...I haven’t really spoken to someone about things other than work for a long time. This is new for me.”

 

“ Ahhhh,” I understood now. She had shut herself off from so many people that even this little bit of conversation had drained her. Even looking at her now, ignoring the tear tracks and the bags, she looked deflated, worn out, and uncomfortable. It was easy to tell that she didn’t want to be here. 

 

_What do we do now?_ I wasn’t quite ready for our meeting to be over yet, especially since it had been so full of tears and horrible memories brought to the surface. The only thing I could think of would be to take her back to my place, or to hers. Somewhere where she would feel more comfortable, and able to be herself without having to worry about others seeing if she breaks down.

 

I gave her hand a gentle squeeze and let her hand go so I could pull myself out from the booth and stand. Once on my feet I noticed her looking at me with a mixture of sadness and resignation.  _ Does she think I’m leaving without her? _

 

“ Come on, Amelia,” I reached out my other hand to her to take. “Let's take you home.”

 

“ Done with me already, Blue?” She looked at my hand, the same sad look etched into her pale face.

 

“ Not quite--just thinking that you look exhausted and that you probably need some food. Thought we could head somewhere, catch a bite and keep talking?” She looked genuinely surprised at my statement, which was almost as heartbreaking as her thinking I was leaving.  _ Has no one really taken the time to just be with her _ ?

 

Wordlessly she reached out and seated her hand in mine. I closed my taloned fingers and pulled, urging her out of the booth to which she quickly responded by swinging her jean clad legs out from under the table. Amelia stood and straightened her hooded sweatshirt while keeping our appendages together. 

 

“ We’ll go back to my place,” it was a statement and not a question. “I have some menus for restaurants that cater to both types of foods, so we won’t have to make separate orders.” 

 

“ Lead the way,” I stepped back so I was no longer blocking her route to the exit. She took a step before swinging back and face planting her full weight into my torso in what I’m sure was her best rendition of a back breaking hug. Her free arm was wrapped tightly just above my waist, and her cheek was pressed just below the full circumference of my chest. 

 

“ Thanks Blue,” she mumbled. I could barely hear her over the hum of the noise dampeners. “I really needed this.”

 

I wanted so much to feel the new length of her hair, but I was pretty sure that if she had issues with me looking at her scars she wouldn’t want me so close to touching them. I settled for less comfortably wrapping an arm around her shoulders to pull her closer to me.

 

We stood there like that for a long time, just holding one another, and the entire time, by body hummed with contentment. This was Amelia, my Amelia. Definitely a little worse for wear, a little lost, but not as broken as she would like to think. She had coped the best she could thinking she was all alone, and that showed how strong she really was, I think. 

 

Best case scenario? I wanted her to come away from this night, whatever it might bring knowing that she’s not alone. No matter what I am to her, old friend, old flame doesn’t matter. Tonight was about her and making sure she knows it's okay to put trust in other people again--or at the very least, that interacting with people won’t scare the ones that truly care away. 

 

“ You ready to go,” I spoke softly down to the girl pressed against my chest. A small nod moved the fabric of my tunic against my plating and slowly the pressure above my waist released. Eventually she peeled herself away from me to stand at a more normal distance for us--close, still holding hands, but with a bit of space we could each call our own.

 

“ Thanks, Blue,” she looked up at me, and for the briefest of moments I caught sight of a smile from a simpler time.

 

“ Anytime.”

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My arm, ever the obedient servant reached out and grabbed him by the back of the head, just below his skewed fringe plates, turning him and moving him toward me at the same time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back again so soon, Saucy?
> 
> Why yes--yes I am.
> 
> This chapter is very fluff--and very cute. I hope you enjoy. Hoping to move things along in the next couple of chapters.
> 
> Enjoy!

* * *

 

"Come on in, Blue, make yourself at home," my keyring jingled as I tossed it lightly up in the air and caught it with my off hand as I took a step back to allow my taller Turian friend passage into my condo. I had acquired it a year after Akuze as a place to get away from everything and wallow in my misery. I never let people in while I was here save for the random one night stand I would bring home--or I guess I should say, I never let anyone of import in.

This was new territory for me. Garrus was important to me, for sure. He brought me back to a time where I wasn't an emotional mess and I actually had hope for the future. I had gone so long without anyone able to break through just the little that he did while we sat in Flux that I had thought myself to be emotionally dead. Hell I hadn't cried since Akuze.

I hated that my small breakthrough amounted to pure luck. That he just happened to be on the Citadel at the same time as me. That he happened to still want to meet up. Leaving things to chance was not in my comfort zone anymore--I liked to have a plan, and know where I was headed, but this...god. I was a wreck while I was sitting there waiting for him to notice me.

He did notice me, though, and he moved quickly and decisively to me and the rest--well...funny how you try to tell someone you don't want to talk about something and then you completely spill your guts about how bad you're feeling. Sure I didn't go into what exactly happened--but it was closer than I'd ever gotten. And it felt...okay. The crying part I could have done without, though. I didn't want to be that person. I didn't want to be the girl that gets weepy.  _ It happened, Shepard. You move on _ , I kept telling myself. It had worked for years. Crying won't bring back the dead. Then Garrus sits down across from me and gives me those melted metal eyes and I just crumble.  _ Why is that? _

Whatever it may be, it was enough to get me to offer to take him to my safe space. He strode into the small living room and looked around. I kicked off my shoes and followed his gaze around the room trailing over my collection of Old Earth furnishings. My mother maintained I was 'up my ass' about retro stuff, but I just loved it. The dark wood of my pub height table was warm, inviting and grounded. The thick fuzzy fabric of my down sectional wrapped you in the closest thing to a hug that a piece of furniture could give. You just sunk into warmth and comfort. There were metal frames on the walls for decorative mirrors and pictures of my youth. Lastly a grand wall unit that held my flatscreen, and my vid collection made out of the same dark wood as my pub table. All of these things had to be hunted down or commissioned, and had cost me a fortune.

How could I afford this? Well the Alliance decided while I was in the hospital that my 'bravery' should be rewarded with a higher rank, and a pay boost. It was a load of horse shit. I ran, hid, cowered and cried, and they gave me money and more prestige. I never felt like I deserved it--it felt like a slap in the face to my brothers and sisters that died. Hackett wouldn't hear of me turning it down--said it would look 'bad' to the families of the dead--that I needed to play the hero that they needed.

On some level I understood, so I accepted, and put that bonus to work creating a safe space for me to hide in every chance I got. I could have gotten a better condo, but it was just me, and to be fair, I'd rather have a little diamond in the rough than some pompous high rise penthouse. That shit just wasn't for me.

"What do you think?" I closed the door behind us quietly and turned the lock before placing my keys on the peg next to it. I heard a multi-toned 'hmmmmm' and watched him do another slow spin in the little space between my table and couch.

"It's homey," Garrus finally spoke. He ran his hand over the poofy back cushions of my sectional and 'hmmm'd again. "Hold on." The Turian wound his way around the chaise and towards the long back portion of the couch, turned and sat. His eyes widened slightly as he sunk into the couch, and leaned back. "Spirits!"

My laughter rang sharp and foreign to my own ears in the small room. "It's down--bird feathers. The thing just swallows you, and traps you there. Little did you know this was my plan all along." His own deep chuckle followed.

"I'll be court martialed for desertion, Amelia," he leaned his head back against the cushion--his fringe plates just reached over the top of the oversized backing. "Though it might be worth it."

"Dammit Blue," my laughter was bordering on a fit--my abs hurt. "You're ruining my carefully cultivated surly demeanor!"

"Good." Garrus patted the couch for me to come sit with him. "You were getting frown lines."

I waved him off and giggled my way into the kitchen to grab the takeout menus I kept stashed in the little metal holder I keep next to the coffee pot. My chuckles faded into silence as I quickly picked out the ones that would only cater to my stomach in favor of restaurants that would serve Garrus as well. I had more than five candidates when I had gone through the admittedly too-large stack.

With a smile still on my face I headed back through the small opening into my kitchen and back into my living room to find Garrus, eyes closed relaxing on my couch with his feet up on my ottoman and his arms stretched across the back of my couch. I padded through the thick rug over to the spot next to him and sat with my feet tucked beneath me to go through the candidates.

As soon as I sat I could feel the low hum that meant that Garrus was content. I shook my head at how easy he was to please and began to leaf through the menus.

"So what are you doing tomorrow," his voice vibrated my diaphragm due to the close proximity. The feeling brought me right back to being seventeen and enamored by the tall Turian in the royal blue armor. Younger me would have responded with a quippy 'you, duh', but older me knew what weight those words would carry, and the veiled promise that came along with it.

_ God the ceremony, _ my chin hit my chest as my head hung. I wasn't doing myself any favors by blowing off preparation. Tomorrow would mark five years since Akuze, and Hackett and the Alliance wanted to put a commemorative something-or-other in the Presidium. A good portion of the families of those who lost their lives that day were going to be there--some to speak, others just to lay ghosts to rest. They wanted me to speak about the valor and courage shown that day by all involved to give the families some peace.

I tried my best to get out of it. Valor was shown, yes, we all took up guns to fight and many ran face first into the Maws with their best war cries, but what do I say if they ask for specifics? What if I see Cam's mom or something and she asks what happened to her son? Do I tell her her son got his ear drums blown out and then pulled into the black earth to be slowly dissolved in the belly of a Maw--or do I give her a non-answer and brush her off?

The speech I could muddle through, and not look like too much of an asshole--the speech wouldn't be a sea of lies. Navigating the families? Not so much.

"Amelia?" A large hand shook my knee snapping me back to the present. I glanced over at Garrus who was now turned partly in my direction, looming over me with concern very clear in his eyes.

"S-sorry," I shook my head to clear my thoughts a bit and let the menu's I'd been unintentionally white knuckling drop into my lap. "I was just thinking. I have this ceremony tomorrow...they want me to speak about Akuze. There'll be a lot of families there, looking for answers...solace. I just don't know how to give them that since I haven't found any myself."

His mandibles tightened and the arm he had along the back of the couch behind me dropped onto my shoulders and pulled me into his side. My head lowered and found a semi-comfortable spot along where his arm met his torso. "Find a way to answer your questions in your speech. There's no shame in not being okay with what happened, Amelia. It'd be a lot worse if you weren't."

"How so...it'd be easier..."

"Then you wouldn't be you. You feel guilty because you survived?" I nodded into him. "Well, from my perspective that's because you cared about your people. You want so badly for things to not have gone down the way they did, and you don't want to have to answer to the families because you didn't save them."

_ Holy shit, _ I shook a bit as Garrus' words hit home. He was right. The last thing I wanted was for someone's grieving family member to come up to me and start asking 'why not my loved one? Why couldn't you save them?'. There was no answer. How could there be? We were all so spread out--so many of us off duty for the night without their coms active that there was no way of bringing order to the chaos that sparked once the Maws attacked.

   "I couldn't save them," I murmured. "I barely saved myself."

   "What's the phrase...'you're only Human'? If it's one thing I know about you Amelia, you're so sure of yourself. Hell, you knew for a fact at seventeen that you'd be making N7--there wasn't any question in your mind. I think, what hurts you the most aside from all the loss you've dealt with, is that you didn't live up to your own expectations of yourself." His leathery palm rubbed my arm causing the fuzzy inner fabric to brush against my skin. Despite the subject matter it felt nice, it was something that Des used to do when I was upset, and the nostalgia his actions brought up balanced out the heavy conversation.

   Garrus squeezed me to his side and sighed. "You'll be okay, Amelia. You might not believe it, but you're stronger than you know. Whatever you decide to say up there tomorrow--you'll get through it, and you'll be okay."

   "I wish you could come," I mumbled. It would be nice to have a friendly face in the crowd, especially Garrus', but seeing as how this was a Human tragedy, I didn't think my superiors would find it appropriate.

   "Me, too," his voice was almost as soft as mine, but it held tones of understanding instead of sadness. "Who knows, maybe I'll catch you on the news."

   "Oh god I hope not," my face scrunched as I pictured my scars on screens all over the citadel. I had managed to avoid many photo ops and interviews since Akuze and I wasn't sure I was ready for the Galaxy to see me as I was.

   "Why not," the change in the volume of Garrus' voice signaled that he was no longer speaking out into the room but directly to the top of my head. "You're still incredibly beautiful, Amelia. Long hair or not, scars or no scars, doesn't matter."

   Tears prickled in the corners of my eyes. I hadn't heard that I was beautiful in so long. I'm not the type of girl that needs to hear it all the time by any means--but being a soldier and having to be tough, and assertive, and dirty a lot of the time...its nice to feel like you can be something other than that. I hadn't felt like anything but a soldier in a very long time.

   "Thanks, Blue," my voice was thick in my throat and I had to swallow the lump that had formed back in there before any actual crying started. I placed a hand on his thigh and pushed myself up back into a sitting position. "Now--where do you want to eat?"

 

* * *

 

I could feel the dampness of the jungle on my skin, the gobs of sticky congealing blood underneath my bare feet. I could hear the shrieking of the Thresher Maws. Ever present. The constant high pitched drone that hounded me in every quiet moment I’d had since that fucking night.

I was running, always running. There’s not much you can do when you’re nearly naked and being chased by a hungry monster that’s over five times your body length. There were so many to run from, that for awhile I felt as if I was just maneuvering in circles, waiting for the inevitable.

The last thing that happened--the last thing that always happens is her. The Mother Thresher parts the black ground like the ocean and I run right into her gaping mouth.

Thud.

"Amelia, you okay in there?"  

_ Garrus, shit _ . "Yeah I'm okay! Be out in a moment," I called out. My voice was still thick with sleep. We had gotten to bed in the early hours of the morning--I remember calling it quits rather abruptly due to a resurgence of feelings for the silver Turian culminating in a awkward press of lips to mouth plates when we were on the tail end of a giggle fit.

We were laughing about some stupid late night infomercial and how the actors in them seem totally inept. He made some crack about them overcompensating in their real lives--god I can't remember the wording now, but it I lost my shit laughing. Then he started in.

Damn that deep laugh. He was going about it almost as hard as when I had insulted his squadmate ten years ago. I don't know if it was because he thought his own joke to be that funny, or the fact that I hadn't laughed with anyone in a while, but it endeared him to me in a way I wasn't expecting.

If we weren't so into our careers I could see us sitting here, making fun of vids and cuddling and being quite happy with that fact. Couldn't be sure about what his thoughts on it were but seeing as how we never saw each other for more than a couple days at a time I would think the change in our routine would suit him as well.

It was that moment of 'what if' that ruined me. What we could be if we hadn't defined ourselves by our military careers. In that moment, with our belly laughs turning into small chuckles that I knew that I cared for this man, and that I wanted something more. His ability to cut through my reluctance to emote, and to read me in a way that I didn't think possible was only part of it. Sure there was history, but the type of guy who would just as easily kill you from a mile away as he would lose his composure over his own joke? That was rare--that was the duality that I looked for in everything incarnate.

I don't even think it was a fully formed thought as much as it was just a feeling to kiss him, so my body, well trained to respond to gut feelings leaned over. My arm, ever the obedient servant reached out and grabbed him by the back of the head, just below his skewed fringe plates, turning him and moving him toward me at the same time. Then, with lips barely parted, I kissed him where his upper lip plate bowed upward. My lower lip just barely tucked under the leathery plating getting the briefest taste of the slight saltiness of his mouth.

The humming coming from his chest stopped abruptly, as did the remnants of his laughter. Total silence washed over the two of us. That's when the thought hit me:

_ I've never seen Turians kiss. Fuck _ .

I pulled back and rolled the opposite direction up onto my feet, my hoodie riding up my mid section, exposing a swath of skin above my hips. "So uhhh...it's late, feel free to crash here. I need to head to bed for that ceremony tomorrow. You can take the couch. There's blankets in the linen closet at the end of the hall."

Before he could even respond to my onslaught of information, or ask what the hell I just did, I spun on my heel and headed off down the hall to my room. "Night, Blue." I called before the door ‘woosh’ed shut behind me. I hit the lock button and leaned against the wall between the door to the room and bathroom.  _ The fuck did I just do? _

I mean it's normal, right? We had history, he had been sweet to me tonight, and we were having a good time. Why wouldn't I want to kiss him? _ He's the only one you got right now, Shepard. You probably just confused the hell out of him, or worse--ruined it. _

Now it was morning, I was wrapped up in soggy sheets, haven't had my coffee yet, and there was a probably curious Turian waiting for me in my living room.  _ Goddammit, why did I do that? _

I managed to get myself out from my cotton prison and rose slowly. It was nine in the morning, I had gotten about five hours, which wasn't bad for me. I set about wandering my room looking for some pajama pants to up over my barely clad lower half. Eventually I found a black and red plaid pair that I had cut off just above the knee.

I headed into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My hair was all messed up from sleeping with hair spray in it making it stick up at odd angles. It looked vaguely feathery and almost birdlike.  _ Garrus is going to love how I look _ , I thought wryly. I looked like crap. My hair was jacked, my face was still puffy from the alcohol I had consumed the night before. My only saving grace was that I had actually remembered to take my makeup off so I didn't look like some sort of hungover panda.

"This is as good as it gets," I whispered to my reflection prior to heading back out into the bedroom. I was still clad in just my sports bra, but I didn't think Garrus would care. He'd had a decade to spend with women closer to home and had probably developed a taste for the familiar. I couldn't blame him for that. I'd been with my fair share of Human men over the years--nothing long lasting, much to Kaidan Alenko's dismay. He and I had hooked up when our shore leaves collided two years before Akuze. He had called me beautiful, a force of nature, and he owned up to having a thing for me since back in the Academy.

It was a great night, nothing world shattering--not for me anyway. He was sweet, tender and just about everything your everyday girl would want from a romantic partner. There wasn't any fire for me, though. I broke it off with him soon after and told him I just wasn't feeling it. Nothing personal. Well, he hadn't talked to me since if he could avoid it.

At the very least I hoped Garrus let me down gently. I was content to still be friends if he was cool with it, but I couldn't promise I could be completely understanding given the fact that he was just about the only real friend I had.

The lock button on the door clicked prior to the door hastily retracting into the wall. The hallway beyond was cast in a beautiful glow from the window at the end of my galley kitchen. Past the glow was the darkness of my living room--the curtains must still be drawn.

Stealthily I tip toed  across the hardwood toward the kitchen. Once I was there and started brewing the life saving liquid I so desperately craved, he would know I was out and about but I wanted these last few moments of quiet before the inevitable discussion of last night.

As soon as gently pressed the ball of my left foot into the light of the kitchen I heard a throat clear from around the corner.  _ Ahhh dammit! _

"Amelia," Garrus voice was light and clearly amused. "Are you sneaking through your apartment trying to avoid me?"

I placed my weight on my left and stepped into the line of fire. He was standing to the right of the window, leaned against the wall, his arms crossed, looking somewhat like a disapproving parent. Despite myself I snickered, "are you hiding in my kitchen waiting to ambush me?"

Garrus looked down at the floor between us and his mandibles flared a bit while he chuckled. "Well seeing as how you ran off last night, I didn't think with your....time off from social interaction that you'd want to maybe talk about it?"

"You missed your calling as a mind reader, Blue," my mouth tightened into a hard line. I was swaying with indecision in the mouth of my own kitchen. He wasn't between me and coffee but he might as well have been. "No discussion of last night is happening before I've had my coffee."

"Amelia," he sighed, "you kissed me. We need to talk about this."

"Not yet," I headed over to where my coffee maker sat and went about doling out several heaping spoons of grounds into the waiting filter. I had prepped yesterday before I went to Flux so I wouldn't have to worry about waiting for water and now I was seriously regretting my decision.

I felt a large presence from behind me, and like an idiot I turned into it and came face to chest with Garrus. I leaned back against the counter in a bid to look him in the eye and ended up scooting my coffee maker back into the wall. My head came into contact with the cabinet above, blocking me from being able to look him in the eye like I had wanted.

Garrus placed a hand on the counter on either side of me effectively trapping me in a cage of Turian muscle. All I could see in front of me was the edge of his cowl, and a swath of blue from his tunic.  _ Has he always been this tall? _ I swallowed, and unfortunately for my cool factor it was clearly audible.

"Nervous, Amelia," he asked. By his tone he clearly knew the answer already.

"Nah," I responded as offhandedly as I possibly could.

He chuckled. "You kissed me last night."

"Look, if that's a problem, it's fine, just drop it and we'll pretend like it never happened." My back was starting to ache from my arched position against the counter. I just wanted this conversation to be over and done with so I could drink coffee, and do my best to get ready for the ceremony.

"Wow, you're making this difficult for yourself," he marveled. "I was shocked last night, Amelia--I didn't know how to react because Turians don't show affection like that, and you didn't really give me time to you know, respond."

My eyes widened slowly.  _ Respond? _ This was a scenario I hadn't contemplated. Every which way I had seen this play out in my mind's eye, he was rejecting me in some form or fashion. "Oh, I uh...didn't think you'd want to..."

"Well I did," he answered quietly, "and I still do." The fabric on the front of his tunic bunched as he leaned down over me. I made a last ditch effort for some eye contact and pushed against the cabinet door with the back of my head arching my now severely aching back further. Whatever was going to come of this, I wasn't going to spend it looking at his shirt.

I succeeded in enough time to feel his forehead press against mine. There was pressure, but nothing uncomfortable. It actually felt quite nice, and I wondered when the next part would come and if it would feel as nice as this. I searched his face for a sign of what was to come, but his eyes were closed, and that familiar contented hum was coming from his chest, so I figured this was what a Turian 'kiss' was, and closed my eyes as well.

It wasn't too long after when the pressure lifted on my head signaling his departure along with a shuffle of feet. I opened my eyes slowly and found him leaning casually against the opposite counter wearing his own version of a crooked grin.

"Wow, Blue," I smirked back at him, "don't look too proud of yourself." He simply shrugged and continued to grin at me. My head shook slowly while I chuckled. "So what does this mean?"

"It means we are more than just friends who share take out and laugh at vids...but other than that, no idea." He shifted and re crossed his legs at the ankles. "I'm guessing a relationship title would be too much considering we're going back our separate ways, soon."

"Yeah," the drip of the coffee machine died down. I turned and frowned at the maker. We had officially found ourselves between a rock and a hard place. As much as I cared for Garrus, I wouldn't ask him to wait for me--hell I was nowhere ready to leave the Alliance, and I had no idea how long he was planning on serving for the Hierarchy. There was no way a conventional relationship was going to work--if you could call anything about us conventional at all. "I guess history finally caught up with us."

"I guess so," he sighed. "I'm not saying I don't like what happened, I just want us to be on the same page about things. While I'm with you, I'm with you..."

"And when we're apart, we're apart," I finished. Seemed feasible. I didn't think of myself as settling down anytime soon, anyway, and it'd be nice to have someone to come back to should our paths cross again. "Deal," I flipped the spring clasp on my sugar container and dumped a small mountain of sugar into my coffee, a low whistle from behind me caused my eyes to roll nearly to the back of my skull. "Barely an item, and you're already harping on my habits, Blue?"

"No, no. Not harping, just quietly judging," he snickered.

I was about to take a sip of the piping hot brown black liquid when he made his remark--I was glad I was moving slow, or I would have sprayed it all down my front with the force of the laugh that came out of me. Instead I just spilled a few drops onto the counter. I looked over my shoulder at him and did my best to give him a dirty look, but I ended up failing horribly and instead ended up smiling at the tall being behind me.

It was good to have something familiar, something that was easy. Especially on today of all days. I glanced at the clock on the stove--nine-thirty in the morning. I had to be out the door by eleven. That meant showering, makeup and uniform.

Now I really didn't want to go to the ceremony. I was feeling more equipped to handle the speech thanks to Garrus' pep-talk, but now I just wanted to stay huddled in my apartment with him making stupid jokes and relaxing on my couch. There was no way I was going to get anything done with him looming over me.

"Hey, Garrus," his interest piqued at my use of his actual name. "I gotta get ready for the ceremony. You know, shower and stuff."

"Okay," he nodded and stood still with his Turian smile plastered to his face until the realization I was asking him to leave hit him. "Ahhh, okay."

It was heartbreaking to see him look so dejected. I didn't want him to think it was because I didn't want him there. "I just, I gotta concentrate on looking my best, I'll be wandering around in varying states of undress, and it's just a lot easier if I don't have to hide from a Turian sniper wearing a tactical visor."

That got him to laugh. All was forgiven.

My feet slapped the floor lightly as I crossed the small space to get closer to him and stood on my tiptoes. "Turian kiss before you go?" The only response I got was a contented 'hmmmm' and him quickly bowing down to touch his forehead to mine.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pabus’s dark plates glinted slightly in the morning ‘sun’ as he shifted his position to be more upright in a bid, I assumed, to look more imposing. “You didn’t come back last night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus fucking Christ, you guys! I'm so sorry for the long wait. I was working out some serious mental, and writing issues for a while there.  
> Then I got to this point, where the story I was trying to write just didn't fit the characters, so I had to change things--and well, I don't always do good with change.   
> SO--here is Garrus' chapter. Hopefully Amelia's will follow soon!

* * *

 

"Do you think the people in infomercials are actually as inept in real life as they are in front of a camera?" Amelia chuckled as we watched a Quarian struggle to grasp a glass and then hastily suck up the spilled liquid through a straw.

"Isn't there something your people say in situations like this? Darwin in Action?" The tinkling sound of her laughter was beginning to sound less strained and more easy and free. "Though, I think Pabus might be related to one of the Turians from earlier."

She began to laugh harder and this time I joined her. A full belly laugh, not too much unlike the fit I had the first night we met. It must have been a sight to see, a Human girl and a Turian, cuddled up on the couch cartons of take out strewn about the coffee table in front of us, laughing like we hadn't heard something equally as funny in years. Amelia was tucked comfortably under my left arm, her shoulder curved against my side. Very close, close enough that I could tell she still used the same shampoo from when we were younger.

My sub vocalizations were going crazy, a deep hum that I'm sure she could feel throughout her body. I wasn't trying to hide it from her, she knew I 'purred' as she called it when I was happy. And I was.

Eventually the laughter began to die down, though it took a lot longer to get to that point than it should have--we were both high on caffeine and old emotions. My mouth closed as my loud guffaws turned into throaty chuckles.

I hadn't even noticed Amelia had quieted until a hand on the back of my head just under my fringe plates made me aware of the deathly silence in the room. She pulled me closer to her, guiding my face to hers so quickly I didn't have time to question motive or action.

Then, just as soon as her hand was on the back of my head, her lips were pressed against mine, just parted enough that I could feel the wet heat from her mouth. The feeling was odd--there was force wrapped in a velvety softness that was her lips, and so much feeling that everything stopped for me. Sub vocalizations and all.

_What is this? Is this a kiss? A Human kiss?_

Then as quickly as the gesture was forced upon me, she ended it by gracefully spinning out from under my arm and onto her bare feet, her shirt riding up and exposing a swath of bare flesh on her midriff.

"So, uhhh...it's late, feel free to crash here. I need to konk out for that ceremony tomorrow. You can take the couch. There's blankets in the linen closet at the end of the hall."

I looked at her, eyes full of questions I couldn't manage to get out, I could barely move save to track her with my eyes as she just nodded awkwardly and speed walked down the hall to her door. I heard the automatic door 'woosh' open, and then: 'Night, Blue.' before it closed again. Then I heard the lock.

_What in Spirit's name just happened?_

I closed my eyes tightly, and replayed the scenario in my mind:

Infomercial. Laughter. Kiss. Retreat.

I could still feel the soft skin, and the heat of her lips on me, and it was utterly distracting. That and being cocooned in her smell and I was sure I wasn't getting any sleep tonight. Not after that.

It left some sort of ache in me, that I wasn't able to respond in kind, in a way more familiar to myself. No matter what--if it was a kiss out of delirium and lack of sleep, or if it was a show of feelings that had survived the years, I wanted to be able to reciprocate. However the chance for that had ended as soon as the door had locked.

My eyes reopened as I stood from my down-filled prison. Suddenly the couch was a lot less comfortable than it had been just a few minutes before. And empty. It was way too big for just me.

_I need to get out of here_ , I glanced at the peg she had placed her keys on, frowning. _Would she care if I went out for a bit? Would she understand?_

It was Amelia--she should understand...well old Amelia would. This newer version was a little more breakable and though I needed fresh air, I didn't want her to think her kiss had sent me running for the hills.

Thankfully, when I trained my gaze at the door at the end of the hall, there was no light on underneath. _Maybe she had gone straight to bed?_ _Or maybe she just won't come out because she knows I'm out here_ , a second darker voice chimed in.

I didn't like the thought of my presence scaring or intimidating Amelia. That was never what I wanted. She had said long ago that my voice, my presence made her feel safe, and though she is the one who had made the unsolicited move, it felt as though I had made the transgression.

Hastily, I made my way to the door, being sure that my spurs didn't catch on any of the furniture, and grabbed the key from next to the door. _Just some air, Vakarian._

 

* * *

 

 

The streets of the Citadel were cast in neon glows from all the 'closed' signs that showed from the store fronts. _Spirits I need a drink_ , I frowned as I sped up my pace looking for somewhere where the sign would read 'Open'.

Amelia lived decently close to Flux so there wasn't that far to go before I hit a little cafe off one of the side streets near the club. It was empty save for a Drell and a Human sitting off in the back talking in hushed voices over a plate of what I had recently come to know as 'cheesey fries'.

I sat at the bar, and lifted a taloned finger signaling to the bartender that I needed a drink. I actually was beginning to wish that we had spent more time in Flux, and that I had a chance to make use of that top-shelf liquor that Amelia had paid for.

After a few moments a dark blue liquid was poured over two over sized ice cubes and slid my way down the metal bar top. I caught it easily and immediately took a long pull.

_What does she want from me? Does she even know? Was this planned? Did she just get lost in the moment?_

There were so many questions that I wanted to ask the small Human woman that only she could answer. Still, I was way too wired to sleep and a few drinks before heading back to her couch didn't sound like a bad idea.

"Garrus?" I looked up from my dextro-drink toward the feminine voice and happy sub vocalizations that cut through my name. There, standing near the entrance to the cafe was Juvelia Simrian.

"Veli, hey," I smiled at her doing my best to look as sincere as I'm sure I should have been. _Of course when you come out to be alone you run into someone you know. Spirits..._

She walked over putting a long arm around my shoulder, and pressed her forehead to mine in a very forward display of affection. One we hadn't shared since our time together during a past shore leave. She leaned into the touch, lingering just a bit too long for my liking, but I didn't want to be rude and push her away, so I just let her get it out of her system while I sat there passively.

"How are you," she inquired as she pulled away and took the seat immediately to my left between the door and I.

"Eh," I shrugged. "I'm alright, I guess."

"Liar," she chortled and reached over, grabbed my glass and took a drink. "You look like hell, Garrus...that and you're drinking alone in a cafe in the early hours of the morning."

"Yeah, about that alone part--"

"Let me guess--girl break your heart instead of the other way around?" She winked and slid my glass back over to me.

I frowned down at my cup that now had one less pull of mind-numbing alcohol in it and then gave her a side glare. "Oh don't spin it like I dumped you. You said you understood."

"I did. Now quit avoiding the question, Garrus." Her sub vocals showed mild annoyance.

_Do I really want to talk to Juvelia of all people about this?_ I regarded my glass while I decided what to do. Sure, I could call Pabus, but he had made his feelings on Amelia clear from the get-go. Kaetus was with his mate, so I didn't want to bother him. My other squad mates weren't answering, probably still out drinking, and the last thing I needed was to spill my guts to a group of drunken soldiers who would no doubt get stuck on the 'Human' of it all. No, I was pretty much out of options except for the one sitting right next to me staring expectantly.

"She didn't....she didn't break my heart, okay," I started slowly, trying to gauge exactly how to put things into words. "She just...she kissed me...and I don't think either of us really know how to feel about it."

"Wow, you're drowning yourself in booze because of a kiss," Juvelia's voice was strained. "Must be some girl. What clan?"

"No clan," I took a long drink.

"A bare face? Wow. Someone's mad at daddy." Her laugh was tinged with malice, and I immediately regretted saying anything to her in the first place. Why hadn't I predicted this reaction?

Last I had seen Juvelia, I had been telling her that I didn't want to be with her because I didn't want to worry about a relationship--and now here I was having something akin to a teenage meltdown because the girl that I had had feelings for once-upon-a-time had kissed me. Amelia's being Human, were Juvelia to find out, would only make matters that much more tense.

"Don't be a bitch, Juvelia." My tone was light but my sub vocals told her plain as day I wasn't going to take her shit.

Juvelia held up her hands in defeat. "Spirits, fine. Sorry I'm just a bit bitter--you spurn me because you don't want a relationship, and now I catch up with you and you're freaking out over some other girl?"

"I didn't plan this, Veli," I sighed deeply. "She's not some other girl...she pre-dates you. There's history, thats's the only reason I'm freaking out. I thought it was done when we met--haven't seen her in a decade, and now....Spirits, I just don't know what the fuck is going on."

"Oooooooh," the female Turian nodded knowingly. "Its that girl you were hung up on when we met, isn't it. The one that went into the military?"

"Yup," I nodded. Christ that was a decade ago. That was ten years that we have been growing separately. Ten years for her to experience things closer to home, ten years for her to see the horrors of war I remember never wanting her to know.

"Spirits, Garrus," I felt a swift and sharp slap on the back of my head. I flinched and quickly brought up a hand to cover the stinging pain she left behind, and glared over at the female.

"The fuck, Veli?"

"No--the fuck, _Garrus!_ Is she still serving? Because if she is what the fuck are you thinking? You fed me some bullshit line about not wanting to worry about what's at home--what about her? She's out there fighting just like you--is that somehow better? Or are you just stupid?"

She rose quickly, almost knocking her stool over in the process, and shoved my shoulder violently. Her sub vocals going wild with anger, and pain.

"What about me, Garrus," she spat, "was I just not good enough for you? Was my face not _bare_ enough? I cared for you Garrus, I picked your sloppy ass up off the floor and I took you home and cared for you, and I thought that you at least cared about me somewhat because of that."

"Veli, I do care for you," I started.

"Well obviously not enough," she sniffed. "I can't be her, Garrus, but I can be good to you--without all the confusion and bullshit she brings you. At least I won't be off somewhere getting shot at. Think about it."

With that Juvelia spun on her heel and stormed out of the cafe leaving me alone with a very confused bartender and a sore shoulder.

"Tough night?" He asked awkwardly.

"You have no idea," I groaned and dropped my face into my hands.

Now, not only was I confused about Amelia, but Juvelia had squarely inserted herself into the situation at hand. She had left me with an offer, and I knew Veli well enough to know she was going to be expecting an answer and fast.

Juvelia was a great girl. She made me laugh, she put me in my place when I was being an ass--and everything she said had been true. She had picked me up at Flux, practically scraped me out of my seat and had taken me home with her. She had listened to my drunken ramblings about a lost romance, and then used her body to make me forget about my troubles for the night and then proceeded to be what most Turians want in a partner. Kind, funny, and smart.

It also didn't help that the merging of our clans would be a major coup for her and her family, and my father would probably say I could do worse than her--in fact he would probably love Veli.

I could do way, way worse than Juvelia. In fact, I'm sure I could be happy with her, easily if...

_If it weren't for Amelia...Spirits, that girl._

I couldn't deny there was something still holding her and I together, whether it be a decade old infatuation or something newer I wasn't sure. Maybe the fact that we both had more in common now that we've both seen battle?  Whatever it was, we needed to talk and figure something out.

I looked at the clock and saw that it was about five-thirty in the morning already, and realized I should probably be heading back to Amelia's so I could catch her when she woke up.

"Hey," I grabbed for my credit chit and offered it to the bartender. "Sorry for the trouble...wasn't expecting to run into anyone."

The bartender took the chit and went about bringing up my order in the register, before He let out a long low sigh and handed it back. "After hearing what you have to deal with--drink's on me, mate. I don't envy your situation."

I 'hmmm'd, taking my chit back and pocketed it quickly before he could change his mind. "Thanks," I responded lowly and made my way out of the small cafe before the Drell and Human could make comment on my love life as well.

* * *

 

Three hours and countless revisions of what I was going to say to Amelia later, I had finally managed to lull myself into some sort of pseudo-sleep like state where my brain had mostly shut off, my eyes had closed, but I could still hear the ticking of her wall clock clearly.

_Thud._

I bolted upright from my lax position on the couch and brought my feet off of the coffee table, and listened for some further movement. Nothing.

"Amelia, you okay in there?" I called out.

After a slight pause:  "Yeah, I'm okay! Be out in a moment!" Her voice though coming from across the apartment and through a door was thick with sleep, and I wondered if she had fallen out of bed, and if so what had caused it.

A little less obvious than the sleep in her voice was the slight tinge of panic in it. _Maybe she's as worried about talking as I am?_ It would make sense. She was the one that initiated after all, and it would definitely explain why she ran off afterward.

I wasn't looking forward to how this conversation could possibly go--who knows maybe she'd tell me she was just drunk and it was a mistake. _Maybe I can grease the wheels with coffee?_ I grinned, and stood, making my way to her small galley kitchen. I had spent the first hour back in the apartment after the cafe, getting to know the new Amelia by examining her apartment and everything in it. This meant I saw the small armada of coffee cups left in her kitchen sink, and all of the moldy coffee filters in her trash can.

This all seemed like a great idea until I got into the kitchen and realized that I had never had to make coffee before and didn't know one damn thing about doing it.

At that moment I heard the soft 'woosh' of her bedroom door, and then a very light creak. Not the one of a normal foot fall. I was used to sneaking around as a part of my job--I know what sneaking sounds like. Amelia was trying to hide from me.

I rolled my eyes and smiled at the ridiculousness of her trying to hide from me in an apartment this small. Especially when if I had been sitting on the couch where she had left me, I would be able to see her by now. Where did she think I was _?_

_Silly girl._

I leaned against the counter opposite the sink, out of view of the window at the end of the kitchen waiting for her to step into the small patch of light that spilled into the hallway.

I was just calculating where she was in the hallway based off her footfall when a bare dainty Human foot made its way into the light in the hallway, and pressed itself slowly to the carpeted floor. I cleared my throat as loudly as I could and watched as Amelia's foot stiffened, and I could imagine her entire body freezing.

"Amelia," I tried to keep from laughing at her reaction. For a hardened war veteran she was sure acting like her seventeen year old self. "Are you sneaking through your apartment trying to avoid me?"

The muscles in her foot relaxed, pivoted and the rest of her body became visible as she swung into view, carefully avoiding my gaze, eyes focused solely on her coffee pot. Her upper half was barely covered by a short tight black shirt, and her lower half was clad in what looked to be fuzzy cut off pants.

"Are you hiding in my kitchen to ambush me?" Amelia shot back, sounding like she herself was failing at keeping laughter out of her voice.

"Heh, well seeing as how you ran off last night, I didn't think with your...time off from social interaction that you'd maybe want to talk about it?"

She rocked slightly from one ball of her foot to the other from the mouth of the kitchen, not yet having braved the divide to the linoleum where I was standing. "You missed your calling as a mind reader, Blue," sarcasm dripped from Amelia's every word. Her eyes flitted to the window next to me then back to the coffee pot. "No discussion about last night is happening before I've had my coffee."

"Amelia," I let out a sigh of slight frustration. The longer she stalled the more I was losing my nerve. "You kissed me. We need to talk about this."

Spell finally broken, she crossed the dividing line between the hallway and the kitchen and bee-lined for the coffee maker. I watched slightly fascinated as she opened the top, grabbed a canister of dark powder. "Not yet," she insisted spooning what I assumed was the coffee into the top of the machine. She was taking longer than was necessary, and I realized that she was probably doing all she could to keep busy so she didn't have to deal with the subject at hand.

_Oh no, Amelia, you're not getting out of this._ Bolstered by some unknown force, I stepped across the small space right up behind my counterpart and placed a hand on either side of the counter, keeping her in place. _No more running. No more hiding._

Sensing my presence, she spun quickly and did her best to look up at me to gauge my actions somehow but only got as far as my neck before her movement was blocked by her cabinetry.

I heard an audible swallow coming from her, and I had to do everything within my power to stifle a chuckle, and a swell of pride in the fact that I could still make her nervous.

"Nervous, Amelia." It was a statement rather than a question.

"Nah," she did her best to play it off as best she could but the slight tremor in her voice gave her away.

"You kissed me last night," finally the chuckle I had been holding back slipped out.

"Look, if that's a problem, its fine, just drop it and we'll pretend like it never happened." The defensiveness in her tone, as well as her unstated fear about the situation came to light with one sentence.

_She's worried I'm upset?_ The defeatist attitude was new, that's for sure. Maybe because she hasn't had such a connection in so long? Or maybe because we hadn't connected in so long?

"Wow, you're making this difficult for yourself," I did my best to keep my tone light for her. "I was just shocked last night, Amelia--I didn't know how to react because Turians don't show affection like that, and you didn't give me time to you know, respond."

I watched as her light blue eyes widened in surprise at my assessment of the scenario. _Had she really thought I was rejecting her?_ Now I was imagining her sitting locked in her room, all night upset. I made a low grumble of upset.

"Oh, I uhh...didn't think you'd want to..."

"Well I did," I said softly, "and I still do." I leaned down leisurely, not wanting to surprise her more than necessary. I watched as she desperately tried to arch her back to see what I was going to do, which meant she ended up meeting me half way. My forehead pressed itself firmly to hers, yet soft enough to make sure I didn't hurt her gentle human skin. My eyes closed at the touch.

I felt her inhale sharply and then pause for a beat, waiting for the other shoe to drop. I deepened my contented sub vocalization, hoping that the deep rumble emanating from my chest would calm her somewhat--and sure enough it did. I felt the muscles in her body relax one by one as her forehead slowly slipped away from mine. I took this as a good time to end the contact, so I backed up to give her some space back, returning to my post against the other counter.

I couldn't help but grin. It had taken ten years but I had finally gotten to show Amelia what she means to me, and she had accepted it, and even seemed to enjoy it.

"Wow, Blue," I noticed her eyes were now open and she was giving me that sly smile she did when she was about to make a wisecrack. "Don't look too proud of yourself."

I shrugged and continued to grin. I wasn't going to let her joke ruin this for me. This was a big step in Turian culture. Hand holding, and light touches were reserved for new relationships. The touching of foreheads was reserved for more romantic partners--ones that felt deeply for each other.

I still wasn't sure what my feelings for Amelia were--but they surfaced again quickly after a decade apart so it had to mean something. Right?

Amelia giggled at my static response as she turned back to her bubbling coffee pot. "So what does this mean?"

"It means..." I tilted my head to the side as I regarded her and the way her small waist tilted and rotated while she went about staring at her coffee pot, mentally urging it to brew faster. "...we are more than just friends who share take out and laugh at vids...but other than that, no idea." I leaned back further onto the counter, and crossed my legs at the ankles trying to find a more comfortable position. "I'm guessing a relationship title would be too much considering we're going back our separate ways, soon."

"Yeah," she sounded mildly dejected. "I guess history's finally caught up with us."

"I guess so," A small sigh escaped me. "I'm not saying I don't like what happened, I just want us to be on the same page about things. When I'm with you, I'm with you..."

"And when we're apart, we're apart," she nodded slowly as if to let the idea sink in while she poured herself a steaming hot glass of deep brown liquid. "Deal," her answer came through clear and sure as she dragged over a clear container filled with white granules, flipped open the lid and dumped a heaping mound of sugar into her mug.

I let out a low whistle of appreciation at what seemed to be a commitment to crunchy drinks.

"Barely an item, and you're already harping on my habits, Blue?" I could hear the smirk in her voice.

"No, no, not harping. Just quietly judging." I snickered as she raised the mug to her lips.

A deep belly laugh rose its way out of her causing her entire body to jostle, and for her to lose a few drops of her precious beverage. _This really is the best sound in the world,_ I marveled watching her, covered in scars laughing like a school girl again while trying her damnedest to give me the dirty look she felt I deserved.

Once she calmed down I noticed the far off look I knew all too well. All combat soldiers had it--the stare. I followed her blank gaze to the clock on the wall and then back to her where she seemed to snap herself out of whatever memory she was in.

Her face screwed itself into the perfect show of apology. "Hey, Garrus," I tilted my head in response, wondering what good could come of her using my actual name. "I gotta get ready for the ceremony...you know, shower and stuff."

"Okay," I grinned, deciding to wait on her to get moving so I could head back to my spot on the couch. I could post up there and wait for her to shower and put her paints on. Then it hit me-Amelia was asking me to leave. "Ahhh, okay."

_Dammit...this is all over too soon_. We had barely just decided on being some strange sort of almost-couple and now she was kicking me out for the day.

I knew the ceremony was important, but all I wanted to do was resume my post on her couch, order takeout and watch TV with her until I had to get back on the ship at the end of leave.

"I just, I gotta concentrate on looking my best. I'll be wandering around in varying states of undress and it's a lot easier if I'm not having to hide from a Turian sniper wearing a tactical visor."

Despite my feelings about vacating the premises, I laughed. It was hard not to with her.

Amelia grinned and set down her coffee mug, and 'pat pat pat'ed her way over to me, this time putting her arms on either side of me. "Turian kiss before you go?" Her eyes sparkled in the artificial light, and her lips glistened still wet with her last dregs of coffee.

"Hmmmm," I hummed low in my chest and leaned down once again pressing our heads together. I loved this feeling.

    I walked out of Amelia’s place a happier man than I'd been in a while. She had agreed to a pairing--a loose pairing, but some sort of relationship at the very least. There was definite interest on both sides that was for sure. She’d even asked me for a ‘Turian kiss’ before I left so she could get ready for her commemoration ceremony on the Presidium later.

    I wanted to go to support her as she would be taking a big leap in talking about her experience, but it was agreed upon before I closed the door that my being there would be both a distraction and possibly looked down upon by her superiors. It was a Human tragedy after all. That was fine--but I told her I’d be scanning news stations and listening in that way. She said she’d try not to think about it.

    From the way she reacted when I said she was still beautiful the night before, I think she was most nervous about being majorly in the public eye since it happened. Until the cameras started rolling no one would see the changes she’d gone through, and what she looked like due to the attack. I hadn’t been lying, she was still very beautiful, and I think the scars added a very negligible quirk to that beauty.

    I had just made it to the elevator when I got a familiar vibration on my left arm. I had a message. Amelia already? The message interface popped up with a few quick movements.

  
  


**New Message:** ** Pabus Surdas **

9:48am - Hey, we’re doing breakfast at Silnia’s Kitchen. You down? Just me and Kaetus.

  
  


**Garrus Vakarian:** _Message Sent_

9:49am - Headed your way now.

  
  


Silnia’s Kitchen was a Turian Bistro between our hotel and Flux that had the most flavorful dextro food you could find. It was a favorite amongst most Turians and Quarians I knew for just that reason--dextro food in general was hard to do well.

The elevator opened to the lobby and I stepped out into the ‘sun soaked’ room. The artificial light poured in from the floor to ceiling windows at the front of the building. My eyes adjusted slowly as I meandered my way past the sitting area and the front desk, manned by a suspicious looking Human. I barely cast him a second glance, I didn’t have time to let the Human try and pick a fight. After the night I'd had, food was very much needed.

Barely making a sound, the glass door opened onto the bustling street. We were somewhat near the Silversun Strip and it was a Saturday making this one of the more popular areas on the Citadel. I had to weave my way through all species to head back past my hotel and towards Flux. It wasn’t too long of a journey on Turian legs. Would have been quicker if the streets weren’t so packed with couples, gaggles of teens and random smatterings of small children running between shops and arcades with their credit chit’s waving in their tiny fists.

I passed by the street where the little no name cafe was and shivered. I still had to deal with Juvelia and that wasn't going to be fun in the slightest.

After about ten minutes of walking I finally saw the bright purple neon sign that simply read: Silnia’s. My stomach immediately started growling. The meal I had at Amelia's the night before was good but wouldn't hold a candle to what this meal would hold. The best part was that since my drinks were free last night, and Amelia had forced me to let her pay for dinner, I had more than enough credits to splurge.

Silnia’s was rare in that it was an end unit on a cross street, that had given up some of its space to have patio seating. It was just a few tables, no more than three, but it was nice to have the option to sit outside and let the sound of children playing and shoppers jabbering away meld into a beautiful cacophony of noise. After spending months at a time on radio silence and needing to be dead quiet, the din of the city became a reminder of why I love doing what I do, and who I do it for.

I walked around a group of Turians and immediately saw Kaetus waving me down. He looked relieved to see me standing upright and functioning enough to navigate my way through a crowd. He was sitting in his chair stone straight watching me approach like he was waiting to see if my perceived sobriety was a trick. Pabus on the other hand was leaned back in his chair off to one side idly checking out the menu.

“‘Bout time, Vakarian,” Pabus greeted as I got to the table. He glanced up from the menu and gave me the once over before going back to the laminated paper.

Rolling my eyes at his remark, I pulled the metal chair back from the table and sat down, my posture a mix between the extremities of Kaetus and Pabus. The menu in front of me cited a breakfast sampler platter, that in total was three pounds of gut busting glory. _Well I know what I’m getting._ I smiled--today was starting off great.

To my left, Pabus cleared his throat in a way that very clearly was meant to be taken as ‘details-now’. Had it been anyone else, I wouldn’t have given that ‘demand’ the time of day. Pabus and I were on much better terms, now, and he was my superior at this point so his nosiness served double duty. Keeping watch for a friend, and keeping watch for trouble.

“What?” I feigned innocence just for the sake of screwing with my squad leader.

Pabus’s dark plates glinted slightly in the morning ‘sun’ as he shifted his position to be more upright in a bid, I assumed, to look more imposing. “You didn’t come back last night.”

“I’m an adult, Surdas, I don’t have to report my shore leave itinerary to you.” I flared my mandibles for emphasis. Just because I understood why I was getting the third degree doesn’t mean I appreciated it. Sure, my not coming back to the hotel at night before had been due to being passed out somewhere, or having gotten picked up by C-Sec for fighting on some of my worst years searching for Amelia, but I had been better the past few years.

“Need I remind you how many times I’ve saved your ass from the drunk tank, Vakarian? Dude, I know you’ve been doing better--I’m proud, hell we’re all proud. I just want to make sure everythings on the level with you, you know?” He paused and looked me over again, the sharp contrast of his blackened plating and white clan markings made his scrutiny all the more harsh. “You don’t seem drunk.”

“Because I’m not,” I looked to Kaetus for help, but he was just sitting there letting Pabus interrogate me, with no sign of jumping in to save my ass from the fire. “Do you really want to know what I was up to?”

Pabus nodded and then looked to Kaetus who nodded as well.

“I met up with Amelia. She found me at Flux, we went back to her place and talked--I crashed on the couch.” My brief summary of the night’s events was met with a loud groan and facepalm from Pabus and a slack jawed look from Kaetus.

“You gotta be shitting me,” Pabus’ ongoing groan was muffled by his his hand that covered his face. “Vakarian, man--don’t go back there. Please, for my sanity.”

“He’s right, Garrus,” Kaetus cut in, “I shouldn’t have to remind you what happened last time you met up with her.”

“No you don’t,” I grumbled, “it’s been a decade--we’re both older, more mature, and we have absolutely no illusions that a relationship would work, okay? Happy?” I cracked my knuckles in a bid to not jump the table and punch Kaetus in the face for not having my back.

Pabus finally removed his hand from his face and sighed. “Yes actually. It's better than you thinking you both are going to have some whirlwind romance from afar. Not only is she Human, but she’s Alliance--to add to the shit-heap, she’s high ranking. This is her career, Vakarian. You’re stupid if you think you’re going to come before that.”

“Good thing I’m not stupid,” I spat. “We have an agreement in place to be there for each other when we’re both here. When we’re not together, we can do what we please. No strings.” Both my squadmates looked at the other for a long moment before looking back at me.

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.” I made a show of picking up my menu and staring at it, hoping it would end the conversation. They exchanged another look, and shrugged.

“Hey man, as long as you’re not freaking out over who she may be boning when you’re not around, sounds like a sweet set-up.” Pabus grinned and punched me lightly on the arm. “You gotta let me know what a Human is like, though,” he leaned forward conspiratorially. “I hear they’re squishy.”

Slowly, I placed my menu back down on the table. Problem one: accepting Amelia. Solved. Problem two: asking for over shares. In progress. Pabus’ eyes lit up as the menu dropped, without taking his eyes off me he slapped Kaetus’ arm to bring his attention. “Spirits--did you?”

Kaetus suddenly seemed extremely invested in the conversation as well, leaning forward on his elbows, with his hands tented in front of his mouth--probably to hide that dumb smile he had whenever he knew Pabus was getting on my last nerve.

"None of your fucking business, Pabus," I seethed quietly, though what I really wanted to be doing was punching him in his big stupid face to wipe that look right off of it.

"They didn't," Pabus' disinterest came back full force upon his summation of the night's events, and he quickly busied himself in the menu again.

Kaetus however was still looking at me though his smile had faded. He knew something was up, and he wasn't backing down. "Something did happen though, right? I mean you wouldn't be down here glowing like a newly wed if it hadn't."

"Fuck--Spirits, dude, just let me be happy about this. Yes I'm happy--sorry its not to your liking, I'll be sure to sober up." I rolled my eyes back down to my menu before dropping it down onto the table. I wasn't even hungry anymore.

"Shit, alright, _alright,_ " Pabus pointed a talon to each of us in turn, not even looking up from his menu. "Both of you--knock it the fuck off. Kaetus--Let Vakarian have his increasingly dramatic moment in the sun. Garrus, don't hurt my sniper."

Kaetus and I both looked at the other and nodded our agreement with Pabus' orders. In my right mind I knew he was just looking out for me, and in turn, himself. Our term was near done and I knew he was looking forward to getting married when he got out. I didn't want to ruin it for him by getting him injured or worse.

It was about that time that the waiter arrived with our drinks and took our orders. Breakfast was an easy affair now that Pabus had squashed the subject of Amelia. She was still a private matter and knowing Pabus' feelings on Humans and Kaetus' feelings about keeping me undestracted, it was best just to keep off the subject all together, for now.

Forty minutes later and our three sampler platters were delivered by one very overloaded Quarian. We chowed down, laughed, and just generally enjoyed spending time with each other while we delved through the collective nine pounds of food we had ordered.

By the time it hit high noon, we were all leaned back in our chairs, hands on stomachs, and smiling with just scraps left on our plates when Pabus leaned forward through a groan of mild stomach pain and spoke:

“Anyway. Its that time of year again, guys. Transfers and promotions are going to be offered, and I wanted to know if I will finally be free of the both of you, or if I’m stuck being a glorified babysitter.”

    Kaetus laughed, while I let out a small chuckle. There was no way I was trusting a laugh right now.

The Turian Hierarchy did all their assignment changes and promotions at once to minimize flux in the field. Units would change, and so would partners. By the time any of us in our unit got a rank with an assignment that would place him with another team, we all got together and decided to turn it down. We were such a well oiled machine at that point, why fix what isn’t broken? So we would all gain in title, but stay in the field and do what we loved to do.

It became somewhat of a tradition after a few years, but once Amtus died...it was about survival, and none of us trusted anyone but the others on the team to watch our six.

“Nah, you know me,” I reached out, punching Pabus lightly on the shoulder, “someone’s gotta keep you on your toes.” Pabus laughed and looked to Kaetus.

“Awww, hell. I just hate you too much to let you off that easy,” Kaetus shrugged right as a ‘ding’ from his omni-tool broke the conversation.

“Well thanks for warning me,” Pabus looked between the two of us pointedly and smirked. “I’ll be sure to find us a mission that will put you both far, far away from command.”

“Ohhh shit,” I looked over at my battle buddy to see him sitting there, mandibles tight to his face. He was looking at me, utter disdain on his face, and I could hear his foot tapping from beneath the table--something he had picked up from Pabus that he only did when stressed.

“What, I mean, if you love me that much you--what?” Pabus looked to Kaetus instantly on high alert just by the tone in his voice.

Kaetus side eyed Pabus for a moment before slowly swinging his gaze to me. I tilted my head in confusion before Kaetus went back to his omni-tool and read:

"Batarians attack Human memorial for the dead. Death toll still unknown."

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I threw up. Bile, coffee, and my breakfast pop tart forced their way out of my gullet and onto the ground below me. Not a fucking child, my mind screamed. She was probably here to honor her brother or father when she was mowed down like an animal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm back quicker than I thought. I'm just really into writing this right now.
> 
> This one has some action in it so I hope you all enjoy!

* * *

 

"Thank you for doing this Commander," Hackett's gravelly voice grated along my eardrum in the small space of Udina's office. "I know how...resistant you were to being here today."

  
  


I looked at the salt and pepper haired man and gave him my best polite smile along with a curt nod. "When I was told how much it would mean to the families, I couldn't say no."

  
  


"I understand this must bring back painful memories for you," Hackett shuffled his feet a bit as he spoke. "If it gets to be too much just let me know."

  
  


"It's nothing I can't handle," I insisted as I ran a hand through my short crop of hair. "Its not something I enjoy revisiting, true, but if my speaking will bring some closure to someone in attendance, who am I to deny them that?" _You are literally talking out of your ass, Shepard_ , if I wasn't in the presence of the Admiral I would have rolled my eyes at the words coming out of my mouth.

  
  


Truth be told the only reason I was here was because if I didn't show it would look bad on me, and though I had achieved N7, I wasn't going to give anyone any reason to think I wasn't a team player, or to give the impression that I was as broken as I am.

  
  


Hackett 'hmmm'd and side eyed me like her knew I was spouting a fountain of shit, but before he could say anything more on the matter, the door 'woosh'ed open revealing Captain Anderson.

  
  


"Commander Shepard," his stride was sure and quick as he crossed the room to shake my hand. I met him half way, a small smile on my nude glossy lips as I greeted my old friend. Normally, I would be expected to salute someone of higher rank, but we had worked together so often that we just decided to skip that part.

  
  


"Captain Anderson," my tone just as warm as his. "How the hell are you?"

  
  


"Good, good," his hands clapped together in front of him after the shake had finished. "And you? Noticed you've been taking advantage of that back stock of R&R you've acquired."

  
  


"Better," I nodded feeling slightly unnerved that it seemed like my absence had been the matter of at least one discussion. "I just needed some time to recoup, you know? Been working hard these last few years."

  
  


"Understandable," Anderson gestured to me with his clasped hands. "You ready to get back to it? If so I have something for you."

  
  


"Ready and awaiting orders, sir," I did my best not to grin like an idiot. Assignments I had gotten from Anderson in the past were always my favorites. I could play things a bit loose, as long as I got the job done and didn't spit on the Alliance's code of conduct.

  
  


"You two go over the specifics," Admiral Hackett started toward the door. "I need to go see Udina and make sure everything is coming together." Without another word he walked out of the office leaving Anderson and I on our own.

  
  


As soon as the door closed, Anderson looked at me, his large brown eyes swimming with concern. "You okay, kid?"

  
  


"Been better," I tried to smile for him, but I'm sure it only came out as a grimace. "I hate this time of year."

  
  


"Explains the R&R," he nodded solomly. "I wouldn't want to work on an anniversary like this either...took me years after First Contact to be able to feel okay being out on the job around the time of Shanxi. Still get a rotten feeling in my gut to this day."

  
  


"It gets better, though, right?" My head tilted along with my question.

  
  


"Over time...but you have to _let_ it get better," Anderson's look was that of a knowing father. "No one says you have to carry this on your own, kid."

  
  


"I know," my head bowed. He wasn't telling me something I didn't already know. I had been purposefully holding all of my anger, regret and guilt about Akuze inside because, I guess I don't feel like I deserve to feel better. Of course it would be easier to let it out, and talk to someone, and get help--but then I couldn't kick my ass for leaving forty-nine of my brother and sisters beneath the soil of that fucking planet.

  
  


"One day, you'll forgive yourself." Anderson sounded sure in his statement. He reached out and put a warm comforting hand on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze for good measure. "Now onto business," he gave my shoulder a hard clap before retracting his arm and meandering over to the balcony of Udina's office.

  
  


"My new ship is almost ready and I want you on my crew to head my ground team. Can't say what the assignments are, yet, but I need an answer now," he looked over his shoulder at me for a moment before turning back to the view of trees and and the lake below.

  
  


"Really, Anderson?" My interest was definitely piqued, "I thought she wasn't going to be ready for a few more months--maybe a year?"

  
  


"The team working on it have been pulling doubles, and have added extra crew to get her going. I say its been interesting seeing a Human and Turian partnership on this but things have been running smooth as can be." I wandered over next to him and set my gaze at the scene below.

  
  


The ceremony was being set up in the courtyards between the embassy offices so everyone could ogle at the monument. A pair of combat boots with a rifle sticking out of them topped by a helmet that stood nearly ten feet high on a pedestal out in the center of the lake.

  
  


Chairs were being set up, and the finishing touches were being put on the stage. I could see Admiral Hackett down there shaking hands with the head of security that I had been introduced to on my way up to Udina's office.

  
  


"So how about it, Shepard," Anderson nudged me with his elbow. "You game?"

  
  


"So you want me to follow you into space with no idea where I'm going or what I'll be doing?" I quirked a brow, side-eyeing him with a playful smile on my face.

  
  


"Well...yeah," he shrugged.

  
  


"I've had worse assignments," I laughed and cast my gaze back down to the scene below. "Count me in."

  
  


"Excellent," Anderson clapped his hands together before bringing up the interface of his omni-tool and typing a message. "I figure now is as good a time as any to introduce you to one of your crew mates. I do believe you two know each other."

  
  


I 'hmmm'd only half listening as I watched the guests of the ceremony begin to stream in and find their sheets. Some were talking to others, shaking hands and exchanging names of the dead. Others were keeping to themselves lost in their own revived greif.

  
  


"Amelia? Uhh--I mean Commander, Captain," a familiar voice wound its way to my ear from the door. _Can't be..._

  
  


**"** At ease, Alenko," Anderson waved a dismissive hand from next to me.

  
  


_Shit. Kaidan._

  
  


I hadn't seen Kaidan for a few years now, and there was a reason for that. Kaidan had gotten...attached.

  
  


I vaguely remembered a drinking in Flux looking for Garrus and running into Kaidan, who had sat himself down next to me and re-introduced himself as 'that guy you shot down in the Academy'. His statement had an air of 'look at me now', and I did. He was buff, standard issue haircut and eyes for me. I still had my long hair back then, so my scars were mostly hidden, but I could tell from the way his eyes searched my face that he knew they were there somewhere.

  
  


We had spent some time reminiscing about the days at the Academy. I checked in to see if he was still in touch with Ashley Williams. He was. Then we got down to the brass tacks of why he was really there.

  
  


Less than an hour later we were a moaning writhing mess in my bed. It wasn't the first time since Akuze that I had fucked someone, but it was the one where I was least in control--and I liked it. I had tried to gain the upper hand, but you try taking control of a biotic when he knows what he wants. Fun fact: It doesn't end in your favor.

  
  


Unfortunately, my most vivid memory of those few days was how attached he had gotten. He began talking about the future, and what it would hold for us if we made it official. That terrified me. Back then I wasn't sure I would have a future--and here he was planning one out for me.

  
  


I dumped him as gently as I could for being a trembling mess of anxiety at the words 'union'. I had told him the truth--I wasn't looking for anything serious, and I was sorry that he was, but it wouldn't be with me.

  
  


"Kaidan," I turned doing my best to make sure my smile didn't seem forced. "Long time no see."

  
  


Kaidan's return smile was curt but genuine, and I expect it had a lot to do with Captain Anderson standing next to me. "Good to see you too, Commander."

  
  


"You, and the Staff Lieutenant will both be joining me for a while, so I wanted to make sure you both reconnected ahead of time. I know how you don't like surprises," Anderson's voice boomed through the office, and I blushed. He was right--I hated surprises. I liked control, and well thought out plans.

  
  


"Still no word on where we're going, Captain," Kaidan was at a rest, but he still managed to look on edge.

  
  


"That's a secret," the smile in Anderson's voice was evident even though I wasn't looking at him, my eyes were on Kaidan.

  
  


If I thought he was beefy before, he had sure put some mass on him since we last spoke. It almost looked like if he crossed his arms he'd split the back of his dress blue's. I hated to admit that he looked good, and I hated it even more because I had just reconnected with Garrus.

  
  


A 'ping' from Anderson's omni-tool halted the conversation. He had gotten a message from Hackett saying we had fifteen minutes and to get down here and start shaking hands and kissing babies...well he said it in more diplomatic terms, but that was the gist of it.

  
  


For my part, I was supposed to be waiting at my entry point in ten so that I could make my 'grand entrance through the crowd and up to the stage for my speech.

  
  


As soon as Anderson left you could almost see the stick leave Kaidan's butt. His posture though still proper was more relaxed, and he actually gave me a full on smile, his brown eyes glinting in the light of the Presidium.

  
  


"Good to see you again, Amelia," his slightly husky voice washed over me as he took a few steps closer to my sentry at the balcony. "It's been what, three years?"

  
  


"About that, yeah," I nodded. "How've you been, Kaidan? Keeping out of trouble?"

  
  


"Of course," he winked. "Or at least not getting caught."

  
  


"That sounds more like it. Ashley still doing okay?" I felt bad that I hadn't kept in touch with her over the years, but thought it would be weird to start messaging her out of nowhere. She and I had become fairly close over my year at the Academy, and I missed her almost as much as I missed Desi.

  
  


"Yeah, oh yeah," he waved my question off, "of course she's fine. You know her--gotta be better than everyone. I told her you said 'hi'. She says 'hey' back...that was three years ago, but who's counting?"

  
  


"Kaidan--" I sighed.

  
  


"No, it's fine, I'm not trying to be a jerk or anything. I understand you weren't ready for anything serious, and I did jump the gun--I see that now." He took another couple steps closer and reached out, grabbing my right hand and enveloped it in his own. "That doesn't mean I'm not still hoping that one day you _will_ be ready, and that I'm there for it."

  
  


I looked down at my hand encased in his and sighed. _Of all the times...._ Do I tell him about Garrus? Hell do I tell anyone about Garrus? We had decided that when we are together, we're together, but when apart, we're apart. Together would mean on leave, and apart being work, and I liked to keep those parts of my life as separate as possible.

  
  


No. He didn't need to know about Garrus--but that didn't mean I was ready for anything close to a relationship outside of that. Being with Garrus was easy, like breathing. We just hung out, enjoyed each other. Normal relationships were messy. At least all the human ones I'd had were. Why would Kaidan be any different?

  
  


"Don't say anything now," he continued, "it's stupid of me to think that today would be the day for it, and I'm not expecting anything. Just, keep me in mind, Amelia." He squeezed my hand once, and then let it go.

  
  


"Okay," I averted my gaze to the floor feeling unable to look the poor guy in the eyes.

  
  


"Well, you should head to your spot," he prompted. I looked up and saw he was checking the time on his omni-tool. "I have mine to get to, as well. Just know you have a friend out there, Amelia." He graced me with another boyish smile, turned, and left.

  
  


I let out a 'woosh' of air, unaware that I had been holding my breath the entire time he was giving me his little speech. _It's showtime..._

  
  


I readjusted the cuffs of my dress blues, pulling gently on the gold piping to pull the sleeves back down and headed to the mirror Udina kept on his wall. Thankfully he was just as vain as I was.

  
  


I checked myself in the mirror carefully wiping smudges of way-word gloss from around my lips. My neutral eye shadow was expertly blended and uncreased as well giving me hope that more things were going right today than expected.

  
  


The two pointy black wings that I drew from the corner of my eye were even as well, adding to my superstition. The last time I had them this perfect I met Garrus, and that was a good thing, right?

  
  


My perfectly groomed eyebrow arched causing the three inch bullet scar next to it to stretch and become taught. I had purposefully not concealed it to be able to easily show the audience that this was not just _some_ tragedy. It was real, and not even the lone survivor got out unscathed.

  
  


I double checked the placement of my heavily waxed mohawk and sighed. I had gone a bit overboard with the product, so my hair didn't move normally-it just stuck out in different angles that perfectly highlighted the layers cut into it. I felt like a child that had gotten into her mother's hair stuff and gone ham. _Christ  almighty--it'll have to do._

  
  


I made one last sweep over my appearance. Over all, I liked the way I looked today--uncovered scar and all.

  
  


Heading down through the hallways I could hear the mumble of the crowd growing louder as families talked to other families; sharing stories of their lost loved ones. I zoned out to the droning hum of fifty families conversing. It was almost beautiful. _If healing had a sound_ , I thought, _this is what it would be._

  
  


I was turning the corner going down the final stretch when I saw a shadow move behind a wall. I paused for a moment, wondering if one of the family members had gone to the bathroom or had gotten lost. I was about to call out to the shape when I remembered the the entire Presidium hadn't been shut down for the event and there was likely other embassies still working through the din.

  
  


Shrugging I continued down the hall and made my way to my mark and open door at the back edge of the space opposite the stage. I had a clear view of the monument, all shiny and new, and my heart froze in my chest as I gazed upon the bronze sculpture.

  
  


"If everyone could bring their attentions up here, we're going to get started," Hackett's gravel edged voice filled the area through the loud speaker.

  
  


I stood quietly hands clasped in front, waiting for my queue. The crowd quieted down and turned forward all their focus on the Admiral.

  
  


"We want to thank you for coming today. Today marks five years of grief, loss, and tragedy and we appreciate you all having the strength to be here with us as we commemorate this statue to honor your sons, daughters, husbands, wives, fathers, mothers, brothers and sisters.

  
  


"As we stand here today, still grieving the lost of the brave and honorable people that lost their lives looking to try and save lives, we are comforted by knowing that all their problems are gone, and their troubles at rest."

  
  


Hackett shuffled some papers at the podium and looked at the crowd for a moment, the room was dead silent save from a few sniffles from various family members.

  
  


"Now for the elephant in the room," Hackett's eyes rose and found me over the sea of people. _Gee, great. Thanks._ "I know most of you are here because of one of our speakers today, hoping for answers about your loved ones.

  
  


"She, the only survivor of this dark day is here to speak and share what she can to hopefully put a salve on wounds that have been festering for five years."

  
  


The crowd began to murmur, and my stomach churned. When this was in the early stages of planning, I had heard rumors that most of the familys didn't want to come if I wasn't going to speak--which is why the Alliance pushed me so hard into finally agreeing to give a short speech. After my attendance was added to the invitations, RSVP's skyrocketed.

  
  


"Commander Amelia Shepard," Hackett announced gesturing to my direction. The crowd turned in unison trying to get a peek at me. Swallowing the lump in my throat I began what felt like the longest walk in Human history to the stage on the opposite side of the opening.

  
  


As I continued my journey to the stage, I could hear and see the reactions of people as I passed. There were a lot of "look at those" and "I wonder if those are from...", some mumbled about how lucky I was and I had to stop myself from turning and letting them have it. Others just followed me wide eyed, and still some waved for my attention. I gave those that waved a curt nod as I saw them, but kept my hands firmly at my sides, for some reason fearing I would break whatever resolve I had if I moved more than just a simple nod.

  
  


Climbing the steps to the stage I began the short succession of handshakes on my way to Admiral Hackett and the podium. Ambassador Udina was first. His handshake noodle armed and very whispy. Next was Captain Anderson, who's handshake was warm and familiar and helped me feel the tiniest bit better about what I was about to do.

  
  


Then I got to Admiral Hackett. He gave me a small smile as I approached, and as soon as our hands were locked, he pulled me closer and whispered: "you got this."

  
  


I nearly laughed at the lax turn of phrase coming out of the Admiral's mouth but I appreciated it nonetheless. He eventually released me and headed to the empty chair next to Anderson and sat, leaving me with the podium, and a crowd of heartbroken people.

  
  


Stepping up to the podium, my heart pounding in my chest I looked over the crowd of people all in a dead silence waiting for me to say something. I swallowed loudly, still unsure of exactly what was going to come out of my mouth and began:

  
  


"Morning. I would have said 'good morning', but nothing about this day for five years has been good. For any of us.

  
  


To get something on the table, before we go any further I am not going to be speaking about specifics of what happened on Akuze. I live with those images every night. I relive those deaths, deaths that I know you all have questions about. It's like a plague that infects you and never lets go. I will not infect you with the horrors I see whenever I close my eyes. I promised myself that when I agreed to speak here today."

  
  


There were a couple of mutters coming from the audience, and a few people actually got up and left, leaving others around them looking upset.

  
  


"Let them go, if I can't give them the answers they are looking for, they don't have to stay and listen to me ramble.

  
  


"What I will say is that though the things I have seen, are mostly things that someone should never have to see--I have good memories too. I worked with that platoon, and many of your loved ones for a long time. They were all good people, brave. Dutiful. Ones that had my, and each others backs no matter what.

  
  


"Even in the nightmare we faced that night five years ago, they were still brave, dutiful and had each others backs. They were Alliance Marines, through and through. I know that's not much of a comfort to those--"

  
  


As I was looking around the Presidium trying to make meaningful eye contact with as many people in the crowd as I could I noticed a figure up on one of the catwalks that caught my attention.

  
  


At a passing glance I thought it was a family member that just didn't want to sit amongst the crowd, but a movement drew my attention back to it. A Batarian, with it's gun drawn lining up a bead on me.

  
  


"GUN!" I yelled and dove off to the side just as the blast of an auto rifle echoed through the courtyard. I felt the bullet graze my right bicep and then I hit the floor.

  
  


The screaming began as the gunfire continued, and I was surprised I wasn't swiss cheese by now at the amount of gunshots I heard coming from above. I opened my eyes and looked up to see people stampeding to get to the exits as they were mowed down due to the bottle necking that happened as too many bodies tried to fit through the too small doorways.

  
  


_Fucking Christ._ I followed the path of the rounds up to two shooters--one on the catwalk opposite the stage and another shooting over the balcony to Udina's office.

  
  


I scrambled to my feet, arm oozing blood turning the navy of my uniform purple. _I couldn't see anyone else on stage, and I hoped that Anderson had gotten Hackett and Udina to safety._

  
  


I ran down the stage, arms over my head as at least one shooter had noticed I was still up and kicking, jumping over the side swiftly and heading for the side exit under the second shooter. Bullets whizzed all around me, the Batarian not quite hitting its mark as I zigged and zagged my way across the twenty or so feet between the stage and relative safety.

  
  


"Shepard!" I heard Anderson call from somewhere behind me, but I didn't dare turn and stop. I had to keep going.

  
  


_I have to stop this,_ adrenaline coursed through my veins as I crossed through the threshold and into the hallways of the embassy building. _No more, no more, no more._

  
  


I sprinted down the corridors, my dress shoes sliding on the slick flooring. I could only get to one, but if I could get to one and disarm them, I could take down the other shooter. I figured the shooter holed up in Udina's office would be easier since there was nowhere for the Batarian to run, my only issue would be crossing the distance between the door and the balcony without getting taken down myself.

  
  


_Where is C-Sec_ , I grimaced from the pain in my arm, and cursed myself for not making sure security was on hand before this whole fucking thing started. I had asked about it earlier in the process and the consensus was, C-Sec is too strapped to send a security force to a memorial in one of the safest parts of the Citadel. They did assure me that officers working that beat would be nearby, but not effort was made to have extra forces on hand. _Idiots._

  
  


After heading up a flight of stairs, I was near the door for Udina's office. If I hit it from an angle, I would be able to flank the shooter and get the gun. I was still hearing gun blasts but I couldn't tell if it was from the office, or from the catwalk. I ran at the door full tilt, arms pumping ready to apprehend the shooter. The doors 'wooshed' open at my proximity and I just barely caught a glimpse of the Batarian as it disappeared around the wall of the balcony to the unit next door.

  
  


"Hold it right fucking there," I screamed running for the last bit of Batarian I could see--it's leg. I was two feet away when the leg disappeared, and I heard scampering from next door as the shooter made its way through the office.

  
  


My momentum couldn't be stopped at this point and I barreled right into the railing, just barely stopping myself from tipping over the edge.

  
  


There was a pause in the gunfire from the catwalk, and then the hail storm of bullets set itself upon me again. A few hit the wall behind me causing my arms to fly to my head to protect my skull. Last thing I wanted was to die today--especially today.

  
  


I was mid-duck when another bullet tore into my right bicep. I felt the reverberation of lead hitting bone and my arm dropped limply to my side leaving my head uncovered for the few seconds it took me to hit the floor into the pile of popped heat syncs left by the shooter.

  
  


I laid there listening to the screams of the families of my fallen brothers and sisters. The sound was so familiar, it was like my dreams had followed me into my waking hours.

  
  


Then the gunfire went quiet. I waited a few seconds to see if it was just a reload, but when the silence continued I popped up again and looked across the courtyard to where the other shooter was.

  
  


He wasn't there, but there was a Turian in blue C-Sec armor standing with his gun pointed at something on the floor. Relief hit me like a ton of bricks. Though one of them might have gotten away, at least the shooting was over.

  
  


My gaze fell to the courtyard and my stomach dropped. Not a living soul was left in the area the crowd sat. Just bodies--at least thirty of them strewn about like rag dolls over chairs and across the floor.

  
  


I saw Kaidan pop out from behind the stage followed by Anderson, Udina and Hackett. Kaidan had a cut on his head, but the other three were thankfully unharmed. After making sure the superior officers and Udina were on their feet, Kaidan started checking vitals on the fallen, shaking his head gravely after each and every one.

  
  


I watched as he headed to a smaller form, and as I focused my eyes through the pain I saw him check a child, a little girl still clutching her teddy bear in death.

  
  


I threw up. Bile, coffee, and my breakfast pop tart forced their way out of my gullet and onto the ground below me. _Not a fucking child_ , my mind screamed. She was probably here to honor her brother or father when she was mowed down like an animal.

  
  


A cry of rage tore through me, echoing through the small office and into the courtyard below. I dropped to my knees into my own puke and tried to hold back the tears that were now threatening to spill out onto my cheeks. I tried lifting my arms to wipe the budding tears away, but the screaming pain from my right arm did that for me. 

  
  


I looked down at my deadened arm in wide eyed wonder at the perfectly circular hole left by the bullet. The blood was coming out of it thick and syrupy, it had already soaked the arm of my dress blues and was now dripping down my little finger onto the ground. But I would live.

  
  


"Shepard?" I heard a familiar voice from down the hall and the clack of dress shoes on the shiny metal floors.

  
  


_Why?_ My head dropped to my chest and the tears I had been trying to keep at bay began to flow freely. _Why the little girl? Why any of them?_ _They were here to mourn._ A wracking sob escaped me just as the door opened.

  
  


"Amelia?" It was Kaidan. I didn't care. I just wanted answers.

  
  


"Why did this happen, Kaidan," I cried. "Why does this shit keep happening?"

  
  


Kaidan took a few steps closer and squatted down a few feet away from me. I looked over into his soulful brown eyes somehow dry still dry after the carnage. He shook his head slowly, and sighed. "I have no fucking idea why."

  
  


"Shit," I sniffled my head finding its way back to its hung position. "I can't fucking deal with this Kaidan. Not again. It's too much--it's too fucking much." He reached out to touch my knee, but I pushed his hand away with my good arm. "Don't. I can't. I can't fucking handle this--how am I supposed to handle this? They came here to see me--they came here for answers, and now they're dead!"

  
  


"Most are still alive, Amelia," Kaidan offered.

  
  


"Most is not enough! They should all be alive. That little girl should be heading home with her mother, not headed to the morgue.".

  
  


"You're right," he stood, "none of this should've happened."

  
  


"It was Batarians. Two of them...the one I came after, it got away," I shook with rage both at the shooter and myself. _I could have done more,_ I clenched my fist, nails digging into the soft flesh of my palm, _I should have done more._

  
  


"The other shooter was dispatched," Kaidan said as he kicked a stray heat sync back into the pile with the others. "We'll find the one that got away, don't you worry, Amelia. C-Sec already has the Presidium locked down, they won't get far."

  
  


"Good, that's good," I wiped my runny nose with the back of my hand and tried to take that for what it was--a positive in this heap of shit.

  
  


"C'mon, Amelia," an outstretched hand made its way into my field of view. "We gotta get you to a medic."

  
  


Nodding I reached out with my good arm, took his hand was hoisted to my feet, I stumbled a bit slipping in the vomit and the small pool of blood that had gathered under me. Kaidan let out a small 'woah' of surprise and caught me before I fell back to the floor. "Let me help you out of here, huh? You've lost a bit of blood." He didn't wait for an agreement and wrapped an arm around my waist. Kaidan pulled me to him, tightly, and began leading us out of the office.

  
  


Though it took a bit we made it outside of the courtyard to where the ambulances, and unfortunately the press were waiting behind a clearly marked perimeter.

  
  


"Shepard!" Captain Anderson called out as soon as Kaidan and I stepped back into the artificial light of the Presidium. He jogged over with Admiral Hackett not far behind, looking between Kaidan and I face etched with worry. "What happened? Are you okay?"

  
  


"I'm fine," I mumbled.

  
  


"Alenko, report," Anderson ordered apparently not taking my answer.

  
  


Kaidan stopped moving and therefore so did I. Kaidan went back to his super rigid 'an Officer is giving me an order' posture and took my hunched ass with him, cracking my back in the process.

  
  


"The Commander, from what I know, chased the other gunman to Ambassador Udina's office. The Commander says the gunman got away, so it looks like the Commander just missed him sir." My eyes shut spilling out the last of my hot tears onto my cheeks. I could have stopped the assailant, I just wasn't quick enough.

  
  


"I'm sorry, sir," my hoarse voice cracked as I apologized. "I should have done more."

  
  


"By the look of you, Commander, you've done enough." Anderson's voice was warm and less that of a Commanding Officer and more that of a friend.

  
  


"Get her to an ambulance, Alenko," Hackett ordered. "No more questions for now."

  
  


"Aye, aye," Kaiden began moving immediately towards the nearest ambulance.

  
  


A quick check later and it was decided I needed to have surgery to remove bullet fragments from the meat of my arm. If the bullet hadn't hit my bone, and had been an inch or so to the left, the paramedic said it could have entered my chest.

  
  


They strapped me down and carted me off to Huerta, Kaidan in tow. He wouldn't take 'I'm fine' for an answer, and said someone needed to be there for me when I woke up.

  
  


_But I do have someone_ , the thought popped into my mind without much provocation. _I have Garrus._

  
  


_Oh god, Garrus._ I would have messaged him right then and there if I wasn't strapped to a back brace with my arms pinned to my sides. I figured by now the news of what happened was everywhere, and unless he was catching some shut eye he would have seen it by now.

  
  


That at least I was a little glad for. He would find me, and he would be with me soon enough. I needed the familiar. I needed someone to be my rock, and I knew I didn't want that to be Kaidan no matter how much of a help he had been since he scooped me off of Udina's floor.

 

 


End file.
